


Abyssum Abyssus Invocat

by SinclairMaxwell



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Demons, M/M, Mpreg, One Hell of a Butler, Slash, Victorian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-21
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-18 04:47:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 68,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2335862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinclairMaxwell/pseuds/SinclairMaxwell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To save the life of the man he loves, Harry Potter called out in the name of something unholy. Now he reaps the dreadful consequences. But what if he could turn the tide in his favor? Will his new master allow it or will he be subjugated forever? Slash! SM/HP.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay, so this is project number three that I'm working on. Not sure how I feel about it, to be honest. I haven't worked on three stories at once siiinnnccceee...To Fly With Broken Wings, I think. Or maybe it was Another Chance At Life. Either way, it's been a long time. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: Nope.  
Warnings: Slash, dub-con later?

 

Chapter One... _**“The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time we've been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this goodbye is both a goodbye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come.” -Nicholas Sparks**_

__

The Wizarding World was in a state of joyous celebration for the first time since the Potter murders sixteen years ago. The Dark Lord Voldemort had been vanquished. Again. There were some speculating murmurs of 'What if he returned once more? What if he couldn't be properly killed after all?' but they were quickly silenced by the swelling of enraptured voices proclaiming the greatness of the Boy Who Lived. The only one not celebrating was the Boy himself.

The newly christened Minister of Magic stood in the midst of a Ministry press release, silent and pensive. Only one other person on Earth knew of the turmoil that the youth's face had held: the Dark Lord's right hand man. Lucius Malfoy had been the only one to actually witness the truth. Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort had not been enemies, rivals or pawns in a game of fate. They had been lovers, the sort of tender devotion that comes only once in a thousand years. They had loved one another with a passion that rivaled even the power of death. He had seen the so feared Dark Lord curled up with the boy, sharing a book in front of the fireplace. He'd perceived their happiness firsthand and seen the world get in the way. Lucius had witnessed when the two had gone to battle for the fate of the world, only for the moment to come when Lord Voldemort's wand was captured. He had looked on his young lover with all of the resignation and care that a man could possess. In the end, it had been his decision to allow Harry his victory. Voldemort had seen to his beloved's care after his passing and allowed himself to fall but the Malfoy patriarch knew that they could both see the shattering in Potter's eyes as crimson orbs faded and closed for the last time. He had been there on that hill side when the skies had darkened and a sleepless, unspeakable malice had filled the air, crow feathers raining from the sky.

Lucius had been there...the night that the demon came.

The night that Harry Potter had made a contract with the Devil.

Crouching down at side of the love of his life, emerald eyes somehow managing to shine ever brighter through the tears cascading unchecked and uncontrolled down his face.

“Please...just bring him back. My soul, my magic, my everything, it's yours! Just bring him back...”

The demon seemed eternally amused at the murderer sacrificing everything to bring back the lover he had killed. Amused enough that it accepted the contract. When the darkness lifted and that creeping malevolence had faded away, Harry Potter was nowhere to be found. All that remained of his existence was an innocuous holly wand and a Dark Lord waking as if from a heavy sleep.

Lucius would never see his Master's love again.

O`.____.`O

The night swirled around me, a cool evening full of the sounds, smells and tastes of the Scottish moors around me and I sighed heavily, adjusting the cloak over my shoulders with a brief flick of annoyance. I would never get accustomed to these pretentious Victorian clothes. And people thought that Wizarding clothes were unusual? Bah. There was no Hogwarts in this 'verse, only empty land where hairy cattle and goats grazed on the heather. My home was gone in this world but still, I found myself drawn to the same haunts. King's Cross. Ottery St.Catchpole. Church Lane in West Country where Godric's Hollow would have been, should have been, and here. This empty stretch of moor reaching out by the deep, dark loch that in my world would have been home to a squid, a herd of centaurs and easily four hundred students. The forest was there. The lake. Bloody hell, even the Whomping Willow still stood and yet...It was as if the Wizarding World and any traces of them had been erased from the pages of this world's story books. I had found myself floundering in a strange world of nobility, carriages and crooked, underground politics.

On second thought, maybe it wasn't much different than the Wizarding World, after all.

In both worlds, I had my own personal demons, except in this realm, the concept was a little more literal. I was the only wizard in this entire 'verse. I was alone. Or rather, at the current moment, I was wishing that were the case.

I had been tracked.

The interloper received a furious snarl as he stepped from the shadows, seemingly from nowhere. Just a single amused glance from those vermillion eyes had my blood racing with red hot rage.

Eyes the color of embers and poppies and blood, blood, blood. Eyes the color of his.

No! No, I was not going there. The relation chilled my stomach to it's core. It had been too long to allow my mind to drift to such a place, especially in the face of Sebastian Bloody Michaelis. I carried a part of my beloved inside of me always but I wouldn't sully the memory of what we had with comparisons to this creature.

The demon was wearing a butler meat-suit, it looked like, and yet vanity, as always, had won out in it's creation. Michaelis was as handsome as he was sinful, as ready to seduce a person as he was to consume them. Dark hair as black as my own fell to his shoulder and amber eyes that could shift between shades as quickly as one could blink stared up at me balefully, observing my unconcerned lounging on the long bough of the Not-So-Whomping Willow.

“Harry, my little raven, you're looking as reproachful as ever.” The demon purred, a condescending smile spreading across his pale face.

I didn't even dignify him with a response, to his complete lack of surprise. This standstill between the two of us had lasted for a good hundred and fifty-three years so far, though I knew that time in my original time line ran much differently than it did in this 'verse. I didn't have proof of such a thing, but it was a feeling that lingered with me, a disconnected sensation, like the feeling of the ground rising up beneath you or of having each foot standing on ground of different heights. A perception of being out of sorts. He was eternal, but I was persistent in my derision. Call it Gryffindor stubbornness, I suppose. A moth flitted over to settled lovingly in my open palm, drawn to my magic and the pale glow of my skin in the moonlight. No, literally, I was practically a glowstick beneath the moon. An unfortunate quirk of my condition but it did give me some slight pleasure, no matter how much amusement the ponce below derived from it. Even after what had been done, I was a creature of light, even in the darkness. His polar opposite. The radiance to his shadow. That was something that he could never take from me, no matter what else may have been stolen. My emerald eyes focused on the beauty of the tiny creature in my hand instead of on the stain that stood waiting below.

“What is it that you want?” I had no patience tonight, especially with such a fiend as he.

Sebastian didn't even pretend to be affronted. He had only ever found my reticence and dislike a delight, the berk. The vague thought of testing that incredible patience until it broke danced across the glassy surface of my thoughts, disappearing into the night on silver wings.

“My, you are about as patient as my new young master and he's only twelve years old. The two of you would get along famously in your disdain for me.” The same Master who named him after his old dog, huh? Sound like a bloke after my own heart, “That us actually the reason that I've sought you out. I want you to come stay at the Phantomhive Estate. I wish to have you nearby from now on.”

A spike of...something shot through me. Nervousness? Cold chill? Anger was there certainly, but also an emotion that made my fingers twitch with it, dispersing my fragile little night time companion. I hated him for making me feel uncertain like this. I didn't want to go to England again. What was the point? To see more reminders of what I had lost?

No Hermione. No Weasleys. No more Christmases, birthdays or new beginnings. No Tom...

“Well your wishes are just going to have to be disappointed, then.”

I could find no reason for him to want to keep me close. None except for his own twisted fascination with me and I saw no reason to permit his bizarre attraction. He was grating enough from a distance. His head tilted to the side like a curious feline, observing me intently. Sebastian didn't appear to be at all dismayed by my refusal. In fact, he rather seemed as if he had been hoping that I would deny him. Ruddy parasite.

“Now, now, my little raven, why so disagreeable? Have I not given you your space? Have I not given you plenty of time to yourself? I have been very...patient up until now. Indulgent, even. I could have sent you to Hell to serve my legions but I allowed you near perfect freedom.” Freedom? What a joke. My disdain must have shown on my face but he continued as if he had never stopped at all, “I have not been unkind and now all I desire is simply your presence. Is having you near such a gruesome task?”

Yes. No, but yes. There was always more to Sebastian's “simple requests” than appeared at first glance. When he was concerned, I couldn't trust anything to be as it seemed.

“I'm sure you can handle one twelve year old noble on your own, Michaelis. My presence is hardly required.” He had as good as said it himself, after all. He wanted my presence, not my assistance with his master. I had avoided England like the Bubonic Plague had taken residence there, and yet...

Crimson eyes flashed, irritation at last rearing it's ugly head. I tried to keep the jolt of nervousness from his skillful eyes, though whether I was successful, I didn't know.

“My Master is of no consequence in the matter. I desire your presence from now on. You have done enough running about on your own and it is time for you to take your rightful place. This isn't a request, Harry. It's an order.” The word that flowed from his hateful lips resounded throughout my awareness and my very perception of the night quaked with it. A heat seared throughout the flesh of my back, alighting a sickly, wicked purple in response to the command.

I resisted. I don't know why. It never worked after all. I always gave in but it had become just a piece of this disturbing ritual between the two of us. He gave an order, I refused for as long as I was able before I eventually gave in. The important thing was that I continued to resist, though. There was still fight in me. The heat turned to pain and quickly became unbearable. My vision blackened even as the feeling of arms pulling me from my perch invaded my senses. Cold night air hit the skin of my back and I shivered. I could never-! He always won out in the end. His magical ties to me were binding and absolute. After all, he owned me. A rasping, slick tongue ran up the radius of the enormous mark spanning the entirety of my back, tracing my spine all the way up. Sebastian paused at the back of my neck, teeth scraping just enough to make me aware of them. Making sure I knew that if he wishes, he could bite, pierce, claim. It was what he wanted, had wanted for years now, but I outright refused. A constant companion at his side always. I would rather be alone. Alone and buried in a bloody iceberg with obnoxious 70's reruns from the Beeb playing back to back for all of eternity. I staunchly ignored the shudder that raced up my vertebrae, following the trail his tongue made. The matching shine from the Faustian Mark on his hand reflected a strange, unholy light on the area around us as my eyes began to clear. He was pressed against my back now, no doubt using whispering in my ear as an excuse to get so close.

“Obey, Harry. I will meet you there, my little raven.”

The order pulsed in my skin in agony and before he could get a laugh of delight out, I had disappeared, cloak and all. How did I manage to get myself into these messes? Sebastian could threaten me with Hell, but in my opinion, I had been in it for the last one hundred and fifty years. No family, no home, no friends and everything that had once been familiar and comforting no longer existed. My own humanity had been erased along with Hogwarts.

I was a demon contracted to another demon.

Now if that wasn't the saddest thing I had ever heard.

 

A/N: So I wrote this some time ago and finally went back and reread it and it gave me chills! :) I hope all of you enjoy it as much as I did!


	2. Chapter 2

 

A/N: Sigh. I have no excuses for myself. None.

 

Disclaimer: Nope.

Warnings: Slash, dub-con?

 

Chapter Two... _**“The present changes the past. Looking back, you do not find what you left behind.”-Kiran Desai**_

 

I did not want to go to England. My heart cried out against it in agony every time I stepped foot there. England reminded me of Voldemort. Of the Dark Lord that I had adored with everything that I was. The man that I had loved enough that I sold my soul to a demon in order to give him life once more. Going to England was liken to setting my own heart ablaze, tearing at my skin and shrieking at the loss. But my soul...my soul purred with the need to obey, to surrender to the order given by the one who held it in chains. I couldn't even consider disobeying. The mark would not allow it. So to England I would go, but he didn't say that I had to go to Phantomhive Manor immediately. Bully for him, the wanker. I planned to take my sweet time about it.

 

“And now he's ordered me to keep him company while he watches after some poncey kid! One day, I'm going to get to watch him die and it is going to be delicious. Sure, it may take a few millenia but who's counting, right?” I groused irritably, my arms crossed in defiance while I rocked on my perch calmly.

 

My companion for the evening chuckled at my misfortune but his response was muffled and unclear. I hopped off of the coffin lid with a huff and lifted it's shining, polished surface quickly.

 

“Sorry, I didn't catch that.”

 

Undertaker's grin was wide, too wide to be natural, and his hands reached up to stroke along my cheek as if I were a favorite doll he had taken out to admire. Considering what the man thought of as his “toys”, I should probably be concerned. But I wasn't. There was a strange sort of camaraderie between the two of us, one that I still could not understand yet he didn't seem inclined to shed light on as of yet. Often, I found him watching me, a look of appreciation and deep-seated affection on his face. I couldn't figure out why those gaze's confused me so. It was almost as if, when Undertaker looked at me, he saw something else. Something the rest of the world could not, and he admired it. He admired it like a collector admires a coveted piece of art or an owner looks over his dog's new litter of puppies. Protective, possessive, awed.

 

“I said that he is pulling your pigtails, my dear.” A look of confusion bolstered him into continuing, “Michaelis is like the bully on a children's playground. He infuriates you in order to gain your attention. That is the only way he has known to keep your focus for all of these years and it seems as if he has decided to take a new approach to his chase. He is bringing you, the chase, to him instead of following you around the globe trying to incite you. He _desires_ you, Harry, and he will not be gentle with trying to gain your submission.”

 

He needed me close so that he could...woo me? More like blackmail and underhanded tactics. A bully indeed. Sebastian had made no secret of his desires for me over the years. Ever since he had turned me to begin with, he had made his intentions to mate me very clear. But he needed me to be willing, to consciously submit. He could use dirty tricks and subterfuge as long as I consented but he could not simply order me to be his mate. It had, until now, given me all the reason I needed to high tail it out of the country whenever he came sniffing around. Apparently, he was getting tired of my running. 

 

Well he could forget it. I had only one lover and thanks to Michaelis, I would never see him again. I sighed and gave Undertaker a baleful glance.

 

“I had better get going before he comes to get me himself.” No doubt he would order me to do something horrible in retribution, “I will see you soon, Undertaker.”

 

“Until then, Harry.”

 

<`'o____o'`>

 

Sleep was beyond me once I had become a demon. Denizens of Hell had no need for such a thing, but dreaming was not such an impossible thing. Even humans had day dreams. All I had to do was sink into my subconscious and experience it for myself. Just as a sleeping dream, though, one could not always control which dream they saw. Currently, I was watching a bittersweet picture of days long passed, soaking in the happiness that had once been mine.

 

I watched as my younger, much more human self sat beneath a heavy, pregnant birch, leaning into the warm embrace of the Dark Lord's arms. Voldemort himself had a rare smile on his face, holding up a book in hand even with his arms around me. He had been reading to me that day, a book of fairy tales that we had both been deprived of as children. Occasionally, I would reach up and turn a page for him and he would slide a loving arm around my waist. The grass around us was high, hidden from sight of the house in a meadow filled with wildflowers and light. Every so often, a fairy would flit out from the tall grasses as a cat or a snake slinked by leaving a dusty trail in its wake.

 

I had long since stopped crying in sorrow over dreams like this one but the loss was still heavy with me, even after one hundred and fifty-three years of separation. I never really believed in true love, but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Voldemort was as close as I was going to get on this earth. My only consolation was the knowledge that, because we had been separated, he was alive. My sacrifice had ensured his survival. I had to remember that fact at the end of the day, keep it hidden in my heart. I had to cherish the knowledge that this was not all in vain. Otherwise, I would go mad. A presence nearby drew me from my day dream and I allowed the scene to buckle and fade before opening my eyes.

 

I tossed the hood of my cloak over my head just to annoy him. My impossibly long, midnight hair was pulled back into a low ponytail at my nape but still as untameable as ever. Even after securing it, strands were forever escaping and playing havoc, running amok. Short of stuffing the strands into the hood, they would go where they would, no matter how many layers I covered up with. Sebastian grasped a lock idly, running the silky soft blackness through his pale hand with some amusement.

 

“How pleasant of you to arrive in such a timely fashion, my little raven. As always, my heart delights to see you.” His tone was bordering on mocking and I hissed at the falsities, the discernible sarcasm.

 

“I'm here, I've done as you asked.” Asked, ha! More like commanded. Still, the pulsating mark stretching across the planes of my back gave a pleased throb, the demon drinking in the sight of my shiver like a fine wine.

 

“So you have. Perhaps a _reward_ is in order...” Sebastian was suddenly up close and very personal, sliding a hand to my hip possessively. 

 

“Perhaps not.” My hiss was almost serpentine. Despite how dangerous it sounded, from his place up close, I could see how the sound made slitted, crimson eyes contract in delight. Only a demon could see denial and rejection as foreplay. He should really consider therapy. Lots and lots of therapy.

 

Lips leaned down close as if he would kiss me but he didn't. Good, I would have hated to have broken his nose in retribution. Not.

 

“You can't keep running from me forever, Harry. You are alone here, my raven. There are no friends, no Dark Lord to keep you warm at night. There is only me and the long, lonely stretch of eternity before you. I am all you have in this place.” My emerald eyes glowed with wicked intent as the two of us stared one another down.

 

He wasn't wrong. I knew he wasn't and I hated him for it. Sebastian had been alone for eons before I came along, but he had a single advantage over me that I could not boast. He had been born a demon. They were largely solitary creatures save for their mates and offspring. I had been born human, a social creature if there ever was one. I needed people, companions. So far, the memories of my friends and loved ones, of Voldemort, had kept me company but he was right. Memories alone would not keep my need for companionship at bay forever. But like hell would I go to him for it. It felt like too much of a violation, a betrayal. To go to the demon who wanted me for his own for comfort felt too much like spitting in Voldemort's face. I could still remember the look of resignation on his face...He had been willing to give up his goals, his dreams, in order to secure my place in life. He had let me kill him so that I could keep my loved ones close. Submitting to Sebastian felt like treachery.

 

“I'll take my chances.” Was the whispered reply I gave him as I slipped into the shadows, allowing them to wrap around me. I phased through them onto the roof, shaking those poisonous words from my head.

 

Sebastian being right? What was I thinking?

 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Okay, I hate this chapter. I do. But it was a necessary evil.

 

Disclaimer: Nope.

 

**POLL: Okay so I'm a little torn on which way to take this story. One involves mpreg and the other involves adoption. Which would you rather see?**

 

**For those of you who don't vote, you don't get to complain at me later for whichever way it turns out. Enjoy!**

 

 

Chapter Three... _“_ ** _Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.”_ _―_[ _John Green_](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1406384.John_Green) _,_[ _The Fault in Our Stars_](http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/16827462)**

 

 

The moment that I met Sebastian's new Master, I knew that I was in trouble. Ciel Phantomhive was tiny and spiteful with a penchant for lashing out. It had been only a week since he had been recovered from his kidnappers but already his caretaker was nearly at his wits end. He would not eat, he rejected touch and he could be cruel at times but I saw through his act for what it was.

 

He was just a frightened child. A scared kid who had taken on a duty that would have grown men quaking. He had seen so much, suffered so much and for what? The greed of older, lesser men. I would have been a fool not to see the parallels between the Phantomhive Head and my younger, human self. It was like looking into a mirror and it sent a chill of fear down my spine to see that the child had made a deal with the same demon who had ensnared and turned me. The whole situation sent my stomach roiling with pique and bile.

 

Just another child for Sebastian to exploit.

 

My fury with him grew. Unfortunately, he seemed to always know when he was on my mind. As I sat watching over Ciel from on top of the little Master's wardrobe, my body half in a shadow, half out like some strange disembodied torso, he stepped from the neighboring darkness.

 

“See something familiar, my little raven?”

 

Too familiar. One would think that Sebastian had a thing for young boys given his track record with the two of us. After all, I was barely a breath this side of legal and Ciel was even younger still. I had been turned by a pervert, apparently. My thoughts were purposefully broadcasted out loud and Michaelis gave me a withering look. It faded to an expression that was frustrated and discomfited.

 

"He will not sleep. Human children need rest, correct? And he spurns my attempts to get close to him. Apparently my efforts to make tea have met with dismal failure as well."   
  
If I didn't know better, I would have said that Sebastian was pouting. A snort burst from my chest, filled with disdain. Oh yes. Because it's so hard to pour hot water over leaves. Pathetic. His sly smirk was suddenly taking up my vision and I pushed him irritably out of my personal space. What was with his obsessive need to invade my peaceful moments? Surely if it was just a matter of him wanting to get laid there were other demons perfectly happy to pass the time with him? I wish he would stop forcing his presence on me and seek out someone who actually cared for it.   
  
"You were British once. Show me how to make it so my young master finds it suitable."   
  
His demand only warranted a sneer and I was glad that he didn't phrase the question as an order I would have been forced to obey. That was one thing I could give Michaelis. For one reason or another, he never forced simple, meaningless orders on me. Perhaps he knew that using the contract against me only fostered resentment. In any case, it only meant that when he finally did give an order, it was one that would prick and sting, one that he knew I would never obey on my own, coming here to the Phantomhive estate being a prime example.   
  
"I'm busy." He watched me return to my silent vigil, contemplating my watch over his new master.   
  
"Indeed." Crimson eyes took me in with a solemn interest, "You remember what it is like to be human and to offer comfort in such a circumstance as this. Would you be willing to approach him for such an end?"   
  
"If I said no?" Although we both knew I wouldn't. It wasn't in my nature and the wanker knew it. I couldn't forgive myself if I left the last Phantomhive to Sebastian's care in the terrible state he was in now. The least I could do is help build the boy back up before the demon could use his misery to manipulate him further. Like he did to me.   
  
"I could always order you to do it."   
  
"There is no need. I'll do as you ask, not for you but for the child. Keep your orders to yourself."

 

“Of course.”  
  


  
_ ~ _ **_“_ _Serving your enemies is the fastest way to learn to love them.”_ _―_ [ _ Will Davis Jr. _ ](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4456227.Will_Davis_Jr_) **   
  


  
I met Ciel for the first time the following day. The boy was still too weak to get out of bed. His imprisonment had left him in a pitiful, sorry state. He was thin and withdrawn and sat staring morosely at the ring in his hand. What a terrible weight he carried now, to take up his father's sword on the behest of the Queen when he was only a child himself. I knew that burden very well. His one blue eye stared out at my approach filled with suspicion and hidden unease. I gave him a kind smile, pushing a tea cart in with some biscuits for us to share. I didn't know if it would work on him but when I had been in school, the best way to make amends and friends was over something delicious to eat. It had certainly worked for Ron.   
  
"I thought you may be in the mood for some tea. I'm sorry, I'm not an employee of yours so calling you 'young master' would seem insincere and a tad ridiculous."   
  
The boy's suspicion reached a new height with the information and he eyeballed the tray with skepticism. He had a right to be suspicious. His demonic butler wouldn't let just anyone no under his thumb waltz into his little master's chambers while he lay undefended. Unfortunately, that analysis was completely true and it burned me up inside that I was just as under Sebastian's iron tight rule as everyone else around here was.   
  
"Sebastian didn't make it, did he?" He asked lightly, his eye seeming to glow in his pale visage. His question had me barking out a laugh at the demon's expense.   
  
"I can assure you that I would not trust anything I planned on ingesting to Michaelis. I made this myself and as a born and raised Brit, I can guarantee that my tea making skills are far superior to his."   
  
He took a cup gently and we both pretended not to see the way his tiny hands shook as he accepted the porcelain calmly. I sipped at my own beverage silently, watching him as I had continued to do since arriving at the manor a few scant days ago. He was such a small thing but there was strength there too. A need for vengeance melded with a fresh, raw grief. Had I been that small once? I certainly knew the taste of grief. It had filled my mouth like bile, devoured and entrapped me. Its anguished flavor had led a demon to my side at its peak. Or perhaps he had been watching me for some time before that, just as I now watched Ciel. The comparison between myself and Sebastian gave me a bitter pause.   
  
"Earl Gray?" His tone held a stiff, surprised approval and I grinned as much as I was able. My face was unused to making such expressions now. How long had it been since I had properly smiled?   
  
"My favorite."   
  
The silence that lapsed between us was a little easier though still tense and uncertain. It stretched on like an endless road, unbroken and uninterrupted save only by the crackle and pop of a candlewick on occasion. At least until...Ciel's voice broke through the quiet like a breath, a ghost with volume no more than a whisper.   
  
"You're like him, aren't you? A demon..."   
  
I scoffed ever so lightly. As if I would ever be anything like that wretched crow. Sebastian used and manipulated people. I did not. His eye looked on me with keen shrewdness. No doubt he would sense a lie or a bend in the truth. Besides, I wanted his trust and trust could only come through honesty.   
  
"Yes. But I wasn't always. I started out human, just like you." Ciel sat up at those strange words and right away, I knew that I had his attention. There was a curious vibrancy in his sapphire eye that hadn't been there before and I was willing to bet all of Gringotts that he loved being told stories once. Before his whole world evaporated and shattered. I crossed my legs on the bedspread and settled in comfortably to tell my tale to the first person in 150 years who cared to want to hear it, "Harry James Potter is my name and I was raised to be a sacrifice, to die for a community that refused to stand up for themselves. They would rather throw a boy into the snake pit to save their own sorry arses. They just never planned on the lamb falling for the snake in the end. There was a war raging at the time and the leader of the opposition was a man by the name of Tom Riddle. When I was all almost two, he came to my home under the veil of night and slaughtered my only family before my very eyes. My mother was murdered trying to protect me."   
  
I paused in my story to take a deep breath and offer the little lord a biscuit and refill of his tea. Ciel accepted without hesitation, bringing a light smile to my face.   
  
"I was sent to relatives who beat and starved me for the next nine years. Unfortunately, the leader of the so called 'good side' was a meddling old man by the name of Albus Dumbledore, a manipulator but a good man despite his faults. He brought me to his boarding school when I turned eleven. After that, it was attack after attack and one terrible situation after another, all orchestrated by the Headmaster in order to mold me into his perfect little chess piece. But what he didn't know was that I resisted him. When I was thirteen, I met Tom Riddle off of the battlefield for the first time. I was lost in the forest and he...he looked lost too, but in a different kind of way. As if he'd realized that something precious had been lost in his life. When he saw me, it was as if he couldn't decide whether to attack or just let me go on my way but we ended up talking instead. We had both been neglected, manipulated and let down. We'd both been raised outside of the community, viewed as the fickle public wished to see us that day. We'd both been alternately adored and despised and somewhere along the way, I had become just as much of a piece of him as he was of me. Over the next few years we kept up this strange correspondence and eventually, it became something more. Something...beautiful.” Emotion clogged my throat once I got to the background between Tom and I. For me, the grief was still too near the surface, too raw and in the back of my sense, I could feel Sebastian hovering outside of the door, listening in. I wasn't going to give that bastard the satisfaction of hearing my grief over my lost lover. Not him. 

 

In an uncharacteristic show of strength and compassion that I chalked up to being our similarities in circumstances and the heat of the moment, Ciel laid a comforting hand on my own and I took his in my calm grasp thankfully. My chest felt heavy with the pain of my loss. Suddenly, I hated Sebastian for not even allowing me to grieve properly. He held that away from me with just his presence. How could I mourn the separation from the man I loved when the one responsible was so near all the time? I cleared my throat of the thick feeling inside it quickly, sipping from my cooling tea.

 

“Anyways, eventually, we met on the battlefield one last time. We loved each other deeply but we were still on separate sides of the war. When we came head to head against one another, he allowed me to win and...he died. But pieces of his soul lived on. My anguish called out to a demon and we made a contract. I sold my soul to save the life of the man I loved. However, that demon did not consume my soul like I thought. He changed it, changed me for his own ends. I became a demon that very night.” My voice was as much of a whisper as his had been before. My whole life had been stripped away from me in the course of a single night and nothing could be done for it.

 

“It was Sebastian, wasn't it?” Ciel's question hit what had gone unsaid right on the mark.

 

I nodded at him in acknowledgment, collecting our used cups up and tucking the young lord back into bed affectionately. By the time I left Ciel's side that night, things had warmed up between us and he seemed as if a little of the weight had lifted off of his shoulders. To know that there was someone he could trust nearby soothed his soul. I left him sleeping soundly as a babe, slipping soundlessly into the hallway where I knew my tormentor lied in wait. Sebastian was leaning against the wall, the darkness obscuring him from my sight. All but his viridian eyes gleaming out at me. He said nothing, only watched me with this odd fascination that I recognized from when I watched over his new master myself. Curiosity. The peculiar feeling of excitement when something sits up and does the unexpected right before your eyes. I didn't dignify him with any acknowledgment. His eyes followed me all the way back to the room I had claimed, even after I was far from Ciel's suite.

 

A/N: Please don't forget to put in your two cents on the poll above and let me know what you want to see in this story!

 


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hello all!

 

**Okay so our poll is in and it looks like Mpreg for the win by only one vote. It was an awfully close one! So, I will be updating the warnings from now on to include the new addition and I will not fault those of you who voted against it if you don't wish to continue. _HOWEVER,_ there will also be adoption included, I've decided, not just mpreg. That way, everyone wins! :)**

 

**Also, for those interested, the title song below is Harry and Sebastian's sort of informal theme song, so if you want to get a better sense of their relationship at this point in the story, give it a listen. ;)**

 

Disclaimer: Nope.

Warnings: Slash, dub-con?, mpreg.

 

Chapter Four... _**“Well touch my mouth and hold my tongue, Ill never be your chosen one...The pull on my flesh was just too strong, stifled the choice and the air in my lungs. Better not to breathe than to breathe a lie, 'Cos when I open my body I breathe a lie.”-Mumford and Sons, Broken Crown.**_

 

 

“This is very difficult.” Ciel groused, his pale cheeks tinged pink with embarrassment as I mopped up the small spill he'd caused when his cup tipped over.

 

“You will adjust, little lord. You're having to take on a large change to your life and habits and it can be frustrating at first adjusting to having only half of your vision. Now, let's try again. Remember, when at the table, Sebastian will always endeavor to place your cup on your visible side but for silverware, it will help you to touch the ends of the utensils first to find out where they are before your grip for them. Eventually, this will become such a smooth motion that an observer won't even be able to see it for what it is.” I explained with an indulgent smile while pouring him another small glass of water.

 

We were practicing out on the patio today while Sebastian was out searching for new staff. The old man Tanaka sat on the green nearby with a piping cup of tea, enjoying the sunshine. Ciel was having a difficult time adjusting to having only half of the sight he had before and I had volunteered my services to help him work through it. The wind was cool and warm and whipped through my obnoxiously long hair pleasantly. This was a day for cat-naps and sunbathing, not for work. An idea popped into my head and I gave the child before me a grin.

 

“How about this. You successfully show me the use of all of the utensils on this table the way we've talked about and I will dig out the strawberry and chocolate mousse cake that Sebastian has been hiding in the back of the icebox for a rainy day, yeah?”

 

The promise of sweets perked him up just enough that when he reached for his cup this time, instead of just reaching for it quickly and upsetting the glass like last time, Ciel's fingers paused just for a split second before making the rest of the journey for the cup, giving his finger the chance to feel for the cool surface before wrapping around it at last. The relief of finally succeeding was evident in his eye, even though he hurried to cover it up with haughty indifference. The beaming smile I gave him as he continued to do well bolstered his confidence and by the time we had finished, it was as if he had never lost his sight to begin with. At the table at least. I had other designs on offering cake, too. He needed to be able to practice with real food, not just cups of water. It would do no good for our favorite little lord to look like an uncivilized heathen at the dinner table, now would it?

 

The praise I gave him, as well as the sweetness of chocolate and berries, uplifted the child and instead of railing against the humiliating exercise, he took to the next with more gusto and eagerness than before. How could I not find him endearing? I was right. I was in trouble with Ciel Phantomhive. He was too easy to adore, too easy to love. How could I defend against such an assault on my emotions?

 

And yet...could I bring myself to love someone in his situation? Could I allow myself to care about a child who would eventually be food for the very demon who named himself my master?

 

The bigger question was really, could I stop myself from loving this lost boy? This child who so badly needed someone to love him? And if I couldn't stop the affection from growing, what was I going to do about Sebastian? Could I stop the demon from eating him? He had already forgone a meal when he had decided to turn me instead of devouring my soul, bully for him. Certainly, he had other meals before Ciel but according to him, they were never as satisfying. It didn't stop him from forcing a soul or two down my throat whenever he desired.

 

… **...Memory......**

_His fingers ran down my arms, nails biting in halfway down to bely his annoyance with me. The scrapes drew a hiss from between my teeth and I gave the blasted crow a deep glare._

 

“ _I wouldn't have to do this if you would just hunt on your own, my raven. You have to make everything so much more difficult than it has to be. You stubbornly cling to that humanity inside you and it will only bring you suffering in the end.” He purred, enjoying the intimate position we found ourselves in despite his scolding words. I jerked away from him as he buried his face in my neck, scenting me lightly. His hands only tightened punishingly where they held me down against the red brick wall of the Spanish alley._

 

“ _I'll take my pitiful humanity over you any day, you bloody great bird.”_

 

_He laughed in the face of my disdain, grinding down on me experimentally. I snapped enraged, elongating canines at him furiously but it only appeared to encourage him. How did I always get stuck with the freaks?_

 

“ _Ahh, such endearments you whisper to me, my love. But I digress, the night is young and you are in need. Allow me to alleviate your appetite.”_

 

_I tried to move my face away, to keep him away from my mouth, but he had me bound tight and fast. His lips captured mine painfully, punishing the soft flesh with every inch. Teeth nipped and bit at me. Blood ran down my chin after mere instants. When the pulsating warmth of a soul filled my mouth, spicy and pleasant and **so good** , I was powerless not to swallow it down, to take in that energy. Michaelis was right, I had been starving. The aching in my bones drank in the soul greedily and, unconsciously, I found myself gripping the demon close, kissing him back in order to draw another meal from his body. Sebastian grinned against my lips, offering up a second soul eagerly. I took a third from him and sat there basking in the full haze of contented bliss, the aches that had long plagued me fading. My body felt like mush, my senses sleepy and languorous. It was a long moment before I realized that Michaelis had been busying himself by licking the blood from my chin and neck like an overgrown feline. My heavy attempt to swat him away was met by amusement. He caught my slow movement deftly and brought my hand to his lips to deliver a gore-coated kiss to my palm. As if I were some poncey maiden he'd saved from certain death. _

 

“ _Mmm, one day, my little raven. One day I will enjoy all you have to offer and you will take pleasure from me just as greedily as you fed from my body just now.” He purred, crimson eyes heated and aroused._

 

_Even my tongue felt heavy, stuck to the roof of my mouth making speech a chore._

 

“ _Not...a chance.”_

 

_I was left alone to only the echoing sounds of his laughter ringing throughout the alley._

 

 

 

_~” **And my head told my heart, "Let love grow". But my heart told my head, "This time no". Yes, my heart told my head, "This time no, this time no". Oh, the shame that sent me off from the God that I once loved, Was the same that sent me into your arms.”-Mumford and Sons, Winter Winds.**_

 

 

Meeting the staff Sebastian had picked out was...interesting. Bardroy was a pyromaniac that could've managed to give Seamus Finnegan a run for his money. Mey Rin was a hazard waiting to happen and Finnian, well, he reminded me so much of Hagrid that it actually hurt my stomach to look at him. He was like an overgrown puppy, unaware of his own size and strength but so sweet and loving all at once. They were lousy at housekeeping. Absolutely atrocious. Yet all three had heavy combat experience and the idea of Ciel and his home being protected when I was away soothed and pleased something deep inside of me. No doubt it was why Sebastian had chosen these three in particular to begin with. The demon sent the three with Tanaka to explore the manor and familiarize themselves with the grounds. Ciel had retired to his office to work through the mountain of paperwork concerning the Funtom company, leaving me and Sebastian alone together. I crossed my arms and adopted the bored, disdainful mask that had become habit when dealing with the one who sired me. It had become such a custom when interacting with Michaelis that neither of us even questioned it anymore. It was just one more way of resisting his pull on me.

 

“How did the young master's vision exercises go today?” Ahh, good. He wanted to talk about Ciel. The one topic where we had discovered a newfound mutual cooperation. I hummed, taking up a thoughtful position against the nearest tree. I don't know what it was about me and trees but I always inexorably found myself drawn to them. Perhaps because of my token animal who found shade and safety there. I had certainly used them to put some distance between Sebastian and myself on more than one occasion.

 

“Remarkably well. He only needs practice. He will be more than ready to face his Queen when she calls her guard dog back home.” Was that affection in my voice? Egads, it was. My companion apparently made note of it too. I could see his muddy eyes narrow and I cleared my throat for a quick topic change, “Where did you scrounge those three up from?”

 

“An assassination here, a disputed barricade there. What kind of butler would I be if I couldn't manage such a thing?” His easy commentary was tinged with amusement at his own little inside joke. I rolled my eyes. Only Michaelis would have inside jokes with himself. Well, him and Undertaker.

 

“Merlin forbid you actually have a human limit, Sebastian.” I snarked lightly, earning a snort for my wit.

 

“Human limits are trivial and boring.” The suited man waved off my words with disregard, taking a step forward instead to ignore something else entirely, namely my personal space. Again. His dark hair leaned forward to shade his face as he came close enough that he had to look down at me and I cursed my perpetual lack of height. That was what happened when you never aged, I suppose. His gloved hand came to slip around the back of my neck in a playful yet possessive grasp. It reminded me of lions who pawed harmlessly in sport, only to turn around and eviscerate you the next moment. An apt comparison, I thought, “How I wish you would say my name, my little raven.”

 

I scoffed, trying to hide my unease at his proximity. Trying to hide the pounding of my heart on my ribcage. Why did he always undo my control so easily? Was it because he had sired me? Oh, how I loathed.

 

“I say your name all the time, you dunce-”

 

“ _My true name_. Say it for me, Harry. Oh, how I would love to hear it pass through those lips of yours. No doubt you would choke on it like glass or sandpaper, but your resistance only makes it that much sweeter when you finally cave in the end. _Say it_. I'll grant you a boon if you do. Our own little contract. I'm sure you haven't forgotten what making a contract feels like.” His voice was dangerous, seductive, both purr and serpentine hiss all in one, egging me on.

 

Oh no, I hadn't forgotten. The evidence of our contract covered the entire expanse of my back.

 

_Sizzling, searing. Words, symbols burning into my skin while their creator ran a finger over each individual inch, paving the way to that connection, that bond. I don't care about the pain, just save him! Take it, take it all! More powerful the more visible the contract mark. Then why not **bigger**. A Faustian Mark burning, carving into the entire back of my body. Then...the change._

 

I came back to myself quickly, shoving the butler away with a glare while the mark on my flesh throbbed with the memory and it's creator's desire.

 

“One contract with you is enough, _Sebastian_.”

 

His only answer was an indulgent little smile that I knew only covered for his vexation. I could have kissed Ciel then. Naming his leashed demon after his dog? Priceless.  


	5. Chapter 5

 

A/N: Truly, I hate this chapter more than any other. It's just...fluff. It is the marshmallow crème of the fanfiction realm and I am entirely ashamed. But, this is the first we see of Harry during a case AND we get to see what his token animal/familiar is at last! Truly, guys and gals, I'll do better tomorrow.

 

DISCLAIMER: Nope.

WARNINGS: Slash, Mpreg eventually, Dub-con, maybe if you squint really hard?

 

Chapter Five... **_“You can be a king or a street sweeper but everybody dances with the grim rea_ _per.”-Robert Alton Harris_**

 

How? How did I get myself into these situations? Was I gullible, even after all of these years? No, not gullible. Just collared. I was as much a leashed dog as Sebastian was, regrettably. Now, here I was stuck in this ridiculous situation. Jack the Ripper...he would hide it in front of Sebastian, of course, but I knew that Ciel was hurting right now. His own aunt was the one he would have to see destroyed.

 

I hated this. This entire situation screamed out at my senses for the sheer _wrongness_ of it. Grim Reapers, huh? So why did my entire being thrum and leap at the bizarre creature's proximity? Grell Sutcliff felt just like Undertaker did. I was simply drawn to him. Hm. Maybe I should take a Reaper as a lover just to spite that damned demon. Now there was a thought. After all, Undertaker was very fond of me and certainly not hard on the eyes once you got rid of that silly top hat. That man had a body that could stop a truck. But my thoughts were wandering, how embarrassing.

 

Sebastian had found himself cornered against the nearby wall, Sutcliff's chainsaw bearing down on him quickly with only a firm grip to halt its progress. My insides twisted slightly at the sight. Certainly, Michaelis had never ordered me to protect him like Ciel had commanded him, yet the contract still protested just slightly at seeing the demon in peril and doing nothing. I shoved the thoughts away brutally. Sebastian could bloody well take care of himself. Ciel, however, could not. He was depending on me. Madame Red lunged and I grabbed the knife in her hand with ease, trying to clear my scattered thoughts with frustration. What the hell was wrong with me tonight? Was it possible for demons to develop sudden Attention Deficit Disorder, or what? Unfortunately, I was too distracted still. The second blade slid out of her other sleeve and between my ribs with the ease of slipping through butter. I didn't hear Sebastian or Ciel cry out my name. All I could feel was the pain. Pain of the scraping of the blade roughly against my ribs as it was jerked free, the agony of my right lung being pierced. It wouldn't be a killing blow, not for a demon, even a human-born one, but  _Merlin_ , did it hurt. 

 

I had the sense of mind to back up against Ciel, though, shielding him between the wall and my body, even as my breath began to wheeze and bloody foam flecked my lips. Having only one lung, I discovered quickly was extremely uncomfortable. It wouldn't last for long, though. Already, my magic was slowly, sluggishly working on repairing the damage. No doubt by morning, it would be as if it had never happened. My demon counterpart, however, didn't seem to care about that. Maliciousness suddenly permeated the alleyway, spiking through me with the fierceness of an electric shock and I didn't need vision to know that it was Michaelis letting his more demonic traits show through in his anger. I had the ability to recognize, even through the pain, that in itself was a little odd. It wasn't like Sebastian to get so worked up so easily. He was eons older than me and hardly prone to such human fits of fury. Was he, dare I even suggest it, being protective? Possessive more like, but to him there was probably very little difference. His Master was in danger, his contracted servant had been injured, and it seemed he planned to take person offense. When he leapt up to lunge at Madame Red, I saw him in the darkness, teeth and claws bared, eyes glowing an unholy red, and I wasn't repulsed but entranced.

 

Was this what it meant to truly be a demon? To be drawn to your own kind? I couldn't say I had ever had that problem but, then again, I had always been contracted ever since my hellish birth. Contracted demons were notoriously solitary by nature, more because of fights for dominance over food and to avoid clashing lethally. Sebastian had me under his thumb and I had always refused to hunt the souls of humans, even if it did weaken me. This life had been forced on me and I would not take another's life just to sustain it.

 

“Stop, Sebastian! Don't kill her!” The snapped order came almost frantically from the young lord.

 

His butler obeyed but only I could see from my position the war going on inside those fiendish crimson eyes: disgust, possessiveness, disappointment and red hot righteous fury. Two knives clattered to the ground, one stained with my own blood, but the sound did not distract me from observing the demon who owned my soul. Sebastian was injured. Indeed, his right shoulder was cut clear down to the bone and he was panting ever so slightly.

 

Mental note: Death Scythe's do considerable damage to demonic flesh. Avoid at all costs.

 

Ciel shoved at me slightly from the back, signaling his desire for me to move. I obeyed, but with great difficulty, even instinct in me screaming to protect him, shield him, from the threat. Michaelis observed my internal struggle with intrigue, interest smothering down that war inside of him. His attentions only earned him a rude salute and a flash of fang in warning. I was in no mood for his games tonight.

 

My eyes found the smear of blood on the wall and stuck. It was like being hypnotized, even when the sound of a chainsaw resounded nearby all over again. Sebastian was there, he would protect Ciel. I was powerless to take my eyes from that spot on the wall. Blood...like the stain of crimson soaking into soil black and heavy with it. Like the color of Gryffindor flags on the Quidditch Pitch. Like the Crucio Curse and the Sorcerer's Stone. Like Tom's eyes as they smiled down on me in delight and in pleasure as we shared a bed for the first time. Like they had looked as they stared up at me, dull and lifeless after that hated flash of green had faded. It was oddly appropriate really. His eyes, so like the color of blood and my own, the same shade of Avada Kedavra.

 

It was another sound that brought me back to myself once again, not the harsh mechanical grating of Grell's chainsaw but the low, amused tone of Sebastian's voice.

 

“Heaven? You're joking.” There was something sinister in the dark laughter coating those words, “I know nothing of Heaven.”

 

I fought a pained snort. Wasn't that the truth. My arm found its way around the little lord in comfort, leaning over to close his aunt's eyes for him. I knew the torment of having to face the eyes of the dead. They always managed to look so accusing. The two fighting on his behalf took to the rooftop but it didn't hinder us from hearing their conversation in the slightest.

 

“...On yonder moon, I swear it.” Oh my, was that a shout out to me, Sebastian? I took up a devillish smirk of my own. That Grim Reaper certainly was _fond_ of him, wasn't he? I flexed my own fiendish power, summoning forth my animal to call, my own familiars. Against the glare of that yonder moon, for a moment, I could spot the flicker of my token animal fluttering. One landed soft as a baby's breath on my cheek, drawing Ciel's attention.

 

“Harry?” The large moth, a beautiful pale thing the size of the child's palm winged down to my outstretched hand. She was a devastatingly beautiful thing, glowing just as my skin was beginning to in the moonlight. Her antennae were like tiny, fragile fingers that reached out to me in adoration. She moved and analyzed direction based on the glow of the celestial bodies overhead but when I glowed with that same marvelousness, I became the only moon and stars in her world and all of her sisters followed suit.

 

The sound of thousands of wingbeats hiding within the refuse of the alley and the fallen fabrics from the battle resounded in my ears and I whispered to her a solemn order that she obeyed with gusto.

 

“ _Protect him_.” 

 

And they did.

 

“To swear by something as inconsistent as the moon! How can I believe your words? Yet I see your eyes and know that they long to do what your lips and hands long to do. You caress me softly with your devilish gaze!” Was this guy for real? It was my sole thought once I lept to the chimney behind Grell to watch the fight. Nothing was more entertaining than Sebastian's humiliation and distaste, after all, “Ohhhh! It's too much, Bassy! I would bare your children if only you'd let me!”

 

Ugh. Two Sebastian's in the world? No thank you. Not to mention, a Sebastian that had half of this freaks genetics? Egads. The expression of revulsion on the butler's normally stoic face, however, was well worth the taste of bile on my tongue. And yet...when the Reaper's Scythe struck out for the demon's unprotected chest, it wasn't flesh that the chainsaw hit. I really don't know what came over me. I have no excuses for my behavior. One moment, I was content to sit and watch the show. The next, I was standing between Sutcliff and Sebastian, a Protego cast up to ward off the arching blow.

 

“So that's where you've kept it all this time.” Michaelis purred in my ear, wrapping a possessive arm around my waist from behind. Despite fighting the urge to throw the appendage off, the look of jealous fury in the Reaper's eyes was amusing enough to almost be worth it. My wand was in my hand, blackened with years of my own demonic energy coursing through it. It had long been a mystery to him where I had been concealing the thin piece of holly.

 

Grell jumped back, enraged, “Infidelity! Oh,  _now_ I'm jealous! What could I expect from a demon, though? You heartbreaker! You cur!” He fumed at Sebastian before his yellow eyes flicked down to glare at me, “You slut! Stealing another woman's man, you should be ashamed!” 

 

How did I end up as the other woman in this scenario? This was just ridiculous. I canceled the spell with a flick, happily stepping away from that iron-like embrace. Pressing the tip of my wand to the palm of my hand, the surface of skin there pulsed once, twice, before the wood simply  _slid_ _through_ , back into the holster within my own flesh. The expression in crimson eyes was approving and pleased at my resourcefulness. After all, it wasn't every fledgling that could turn their own body into a Demon Sheath. He turned back to the crimson interloper with a sharp, annoyed glance.

 

“Look at that, my clothes are ruined again. This is past mending.” He groused, removing the waist coat with disapproval, “There was one technique that I absolutely did not want to use, but I have no other choice.”

 

I glanced down as they quipped back and forth to check on Ciel. The Earl was still kneeling where I had left him at the side of his aunt's corpse but his dainty form was surrounded by dozens of moths standing guard. They may not have seemed like much but the creatures had their uses. With just a flex of my magic, I could have them forming the spokes and groundings for a shield charm. The insects acted as sort of a keystone, a grounding for the spell that strengthened it. I hadn't spent the last one hundred and fifty years just twiddling my thumbs, you know. Grell and Sebastian were at it again but this time, the demon found the upper hand. Using his own fine woolen coat, he jammed the deadly machine and with that, Sutcliff was finished. Without his Reaper's Scythe the irascible man was reduced to fisticuffs and as my counterpart had no trouble admitting, he had “some expertise in that area”. 

 

I rolled my eyes and let myself slide back down to Ciel's awaiting form. The already purpling bruises on his neck inspired a ride of boiling anger within me. No hurt him! Not on my watch. It was with great delight that when Sebastian's blow sent the Reaper careening off of the roof, I was there to kick him out of the way in vindictive vengeance. No one laid hand on my little lord. Especially not some two-bit promiscuous, gender confused Grim Reaper. I knew that I was glowing in the moonlight again, a good sign that my more demonic traits were coming to the surface but I didn't care. When the butler stalked by me to follow his prey, he gave me a mischievous smirk. It was filled with delectation and delight, showing his pleasure at my actions this night. For a moment, I was left feeling rather like a dog who had been scratched behind the ears for good behavior. It was humiliating how my instincts and the contract mark pulsed with good humor at the positive attentions. Ugh. How positively wretched.

 

A sharp striking of metal on stone was the only sign we received as a new player took the stage. Another Reaper. Fan-freaking-tastic. How many of the manky sods were there anyways? I nudged Ciel to my back for his own security and glared at the man who had joined the fray.

 

William T. Spears, eh?

 

He seemed like a fine fellow while he was busy stomping on Grell's head but the illusion was shattered the moment he began speaking to Sebastian.

 

“Honestly, I never thought I'd see the day where I would have to bow my head to demon scum like you. This is a disgrace to all Grim Reapers.” Oh, jolly good. Were all Reapers giant bags of dicks? It appeared as if it may be a race-wide personality flaw. That and horrific eye sight. The man's stoic face was drawn tight in disdain. Or at least it was until his yellow eyes landed on me. Then they widened in shock, “You...you've got the touch of Death on you. Harry Potter...you are not suppose to be here.” His book was back out from it's interdimensional pocket and the flustered man was flipping through its pages and muttering to himself darkly. Most of it escaped even my demonic hearing all except the word 'deserter' hissed out like a curse.

 

Sebastian, though, had had quite enough apparently. Right on time, too. Ciel was starting to look rather woozy. I offered the child a supporting arm and my heart warmed when he accepted it unexpectedly, still managing to look as though he weren't being supported at all. He was so strong, I thought with fondness.

 

“Perhaps you should keep a better eyes on your minions then so they don't trouble us, Mister Spears. Humans are so easily tempted after all.”

 

Spears was right in his observation that it was a rather rich commentary coming from a demon. I couldn't dispute the claim and Sebastian didn't even try. The once Burnett butler was dragged off unceremoniously like a sack of old potatoes. I was never happier to get back to the manor with my pre-teen parcel in hand. What a terribly long night.

 

 

A/N: Ugh! I apologize for this shameless filler chapter. I'm completely ashamed at myself for this droll fluff. Really, what was I thinking?

 


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Wow! This chapter is kind of a monstrosity lol! Not the longest, but a lot happens. Enjoy and please don't forget to let me know what you think!

 

Disclaimer: Nope.

Warnings: Slash, Mpreg, Dub-con?

 

 

Chapter Six... _“ **Tearless grief bleeds inwardly.”-Christian Nevell Bovee**_

 

 

Somehow, the world seemed much quieter without the presence of Grell Sutcliff. Thank Merlin for small favors. Ciel had already been prepared for bed after the harrowing night but he sat up for some time longer, unable or perhaps unwilling to succumb to sleep's hold. Sleep was so much like death, really. His mind was full of enough death for the moment. So I sat up with him after the dark butler had excused himself, running soothing, repetitive brush strokes through his hair. The calming motion was like a sort of hypnosis in itself normally but the little lord was not falling for the simple trick tonight. No, tonight he had questions and would not shut his eyes until they were resolved. Unfortunately, his first line of questioning took me quite by surprise.

 

“Are you and Sebastian a couple?”

 

Ugh. Why on earth would he ask _that_? Couldn't he just grieve instead? I think I'd rather deal with sobbing and denials.

 

“A couple...of gentleman? A couple of demons?”

 

The teen rolled his eyes at me incredulously.

 

“An intimate couple.” Yeah, right. He could only be so fortunate to have me. I didn't even wince as I answered his inquiry. Point for me.

 

“No, we are not.” Perhaps my voice was a little too steady. That or Ciel was like a dog with a bone this evening.

 

“He desires you though.”

 

“He does.”

 

This was entirely too awkward a conversation to be having with a twelve year old boy. It made me feel creepy just thinking about it. Just like that bloody Viscount. Ohh, how I would love to bury my claws in his exposed throat if he so much as thought about Ciel! On second thought, the night _was_ young. No time like the present and, Merlin, would his death be _such_ a present! Maybe I would kill him for my birthday. I shook off the thought with a grimace of distaste. There was no way in hell that I was going to start bowing to my baser instincts now. No matter how badly they wanted to avenge my little one's honor. The idea gave me a startled pause and the brush paused midway through silky dark tresses.

 

When had I started thinking of Ciel, not as the adored master of my sire but as my own 'little one'? When had that happened? The realization washed my insides in a sick coldness that I hadn't felt since first waking as a demon to find my world, my life and my humanity all forever out of my reach. A long pregnant pause filled the space between he and I for a time. It seemed as if we were both contemplating heavy subjects tonight. It didn't help that I had begun sensing the tainted scent of a particular eavesdropping demon outside of the door. Was I really going to have to ward every room during use? He was as bad as some old biddy at times.

 

“You still love Voldemort, don't you?” He asked, almost uncertainly as if he weren't sure this uncomfortable line of questioning would be accepted.

 

The coldness inside of me withered and evaporated leaving behind only an empty space, leaving me a husk of myself. The kid certainly was hitting all of the soft spots tonight, wasn't he?

 

“I do.” Every moment of every hour of every day. Every day of every month of every one of the past one-hundred and fifty-three years. With every breath that fueled every thought. With everything that I was, am and would ever be. Yes, I loved him.

 

Were my hands shaking? A small, nearly imperceptible twitch had begun in the skin of my left hand. I squeezed my digits into a firm fist to halt it entirely but it was persistent. How strange.

 

“And do you love me too?” It was asked so succinctly, so offhandedly, that it gave rise to the impression that the answer was of very little consequence but I knew better. This was the question Ciel had truly been aiming for. The coldness within me softened at his stoic front, my brush continuing its peaceful ministrations.

 

“I suppose I do. Is that alright with you? For me to love you?” If there was a touch of fond amusement in my tone, he didn't seem to notice. That or he didn't care. The boy began twisting the blue diamond ring on his finger in contemplation. His thoughts were far away suddenly and I didn't see any reason to intrude on his musings. Rather, he broke the silence himself first.

 

“My entire family is dead now. I am the last Phantomhive now. You and Sebastian are all I have left in the world.” Was the only response to my own question that I received but I took it gratefully, laying my head down on top of his own affectionately.

 

That was all the answer I needed and I was taking that as a 'yes'.

 

 

~ _“ **The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief - But the pain of grief, Is only a shadow, When compared with the pain, Of never risking love.”-Hilary Stanton Zunin**_

 

 

The shaking did not stop, in fact it began in my other hand soon after. My muscles all felt hyper-extended as if they were only loosely connected to my bones, making movement an extra effort. What was this? I didn't feel sick. Quite the opposite, actually. Other than the shakes and weakness, I felt pretty brilliant. It was like I were a battery, filling up with energy. It sparked inside of me settling me with an unusual case of hyperactivity. It was this energy that I blamed for my inability to focus on one thing for long. More often than not, during these moments of inattention, my eyes found themselves following Sebastian, to my irritation. Sometimes they stalked after Ciel's movements with the parental obsession of a mother duck watching over her chicks but inevitably my gaze was pulled back to the demonic butler. The shaking continued for two days and on the third, a new symptom presented itself.

 

I cursed, stumbling into the bathroom attached to my room miserably. The energy was still there, pushing up against the underside of my skin but the feel-goof feeling had come and gone. I was sore. Every muscle in my body ached and for the first time since becoming a demon, I was feverish. My skin was hot to the touch, burning me up entirely. Gritting my teeth, I retrieved my wand and shot an irritable cooling charm at the filled bathtub.

 

Unfortunately, that unpredictable energy boiling away inside of me took hold, easily overpowering the simple spell. The entire tub turned to ice in an instant, a thin sheet coating the porceline completely. The water inside was a solid, frozen brick.

 

“Oh, come _on_!!” This was absolutely ridiculous! How difficult was it to just cool down for a moment?!Did I have to go starkers around the estate or what?! Furiously, I shot a petulant warming charm at the frigid mass only to have it explode into a melted, twisted monstrosity, the bathroom now ankle deep with water.

 

Merlin, what in the bloody blazes was wrong with me?! This was absurd! Idiotic! Was this some sort of curse? Or demonic illness? Merlin's saggy sack, I just wanted to cool down! My body was burning!

 

“My, my, what a terrible mess you've made, my little raven.” Came the purr from the shadows.

 

Great. Simply marvelous. Cue, Michaelis, to kick me when I'm down! Maybe I should toss a warming charm at him, instead of the bathtub. Would we really suffer with one less demon in the world? And Ciel, my strong, weak little one, would be free of his contract. He wouldn't have to face his end at the hands of the one who had us both bound. A well of rage surged up in me at the thought of this monster hurting the Earl, hurting my child to protect. A snarl hissed out of me before I could curb my own enthusiasm and carmine eyes narrowed speculatively. Suddenly, I was under the microscope of his slitted, cat-like gaze and I did not care for it in the slightest. All of the anger inside of me fled at that curious, cautious expression.

 

I deserved that look. I was acting like a looney. This wasn't me. This wasn't how I behaved. For a moment, I had the decency to be both embarrassed and afraid of the bizarre changes, not that I would let that prick know it. Sebastian took a heavy inhale, a sniff of the air around me and his caution faded into a slow, wide smirk of pleasure.

 

“Ahh, I see now. That is interesting. I wasn't sure it would happen to you since you were turned rather than born but, I'll admit this is an unexpected boon...”

 

“What are you blathering on about?” I snapped fiercely, my near non-existent patience coming to an end at last.

 

Michaelis wasn't put off by my attitude in the slightest, rather he looked as if he were thoroughly delighting in it.

 

“Why, your breeding cycle, my dear Harry. Granted, I've never seen the effects of such a thing on a wizard so I'm assuming that's the cause of the rather...violent turn your magic has taken. Your body is storing up energy, gathering it to you to ready your body for the process of mating. It's why your hands shake and you've turned into a simpleton with no attention span this last week.” The sneer I shot him was venomous.

 

“How long is this going to last and how often am I going to have to deal with it?” That's all I wanted to know. When was it going to be over. The second line of questioning, I suppose, should be: how far away from Michaelis was going to be far enough if he got it into his head to “help” me out? Siberia sounded lovely right about now.

 

“It's hardly the grave situation you are making it out to be, raven. It will last only a few short weeks and the breeding cycles occur every hundred years or so. It is a perfectly natural phase of your development. I myself have suffered through too many to bother keeping track of.”

 

The phrase 'old geezer' was loud in my mind and I pressed it easily into his own, my mind brushing against his like fingertips brushing against velvet. Sebastian's good mood would not be quelled though and the shark-like grin on his face reminded me heavily of the same expression he had given Azzurro Vanel before murdering him. It was not a comforting sight.

 

“I assure you, _Samael_ , I am in my prime. I would make an exceptional mate for you.” He purred, the sound of my true name, my demonic name, like sin rolling off of his tongue. It made me shudder. How long had it been since it had been uttered? Over a hundred years, surely. Not since I had left Sebastian once reaching my maturity as a demon. As soon as I was able to function on my own, I had bolted, only to spend the next century ducking and dodging him across the globe.

 

“Don't call me that and like hell you would. I have others I can go to for _assistance_ if I desire.” My voice came out laced with parseltongue.

 

His eyes narrowed dangerously and, without warning, my temperature spiked uncomfortably and my heart began to race with his displeasure.

 

“What others?”

 

“None of your damned business! You're not my keeper, _Sebastian_!” I wasn't sure which infuriated the normally stoic demon more: the idea of me carousing with someone other than him or pointedly refusing to use his true name when he had already invoked my own.

 

His hand slammed into the wall next to me, his own form pressing against mine. Just as the moment I met Ciel, as soon as his body was on mine, I knew that I was in trouble. The heat already racing around within me soared to new, unbearable heights. I was burning, burning to death right there in that flooded bathroom and the only cure for the flames was somehow simultaneously making it all worst. There were lips on me. Biting and kissing and licking, somehow managing to suck me into a hurricane of sensation. My brain took a backseat to the bloody lips and vermillion eyes sliding over every inch of my soul. Everything was so _hot_ yet my instinctual mind, the side that I tried not to give much leeway until it wrestled free of my iron control, knew that everything would cool down if I could just manage to get more of this being before me. To crawl inside of him and have him burrow his way inside of me too. A tongue swiped cat-like across my mouth and the voice that wormed its way into my ears was dark and seductive.

 

“I _am_ your keeper, Samael, and you are _mine._ ”

 

My human mind slammed back into place violently, almost painfully. I would have a wicked headache later but at the moment, I was too concerned with Michaelis's body crushed against me, my shirt already hanging open and my own blood smeared across his chin. His pupils were blown wide with desire.

 

I did the only thing that my human brain, my wizard's mind, found to be the appropriate response.

 

“BOMBARDA!”

 

Moments later, I stumbled into Undertaker's parlor, startling the white-haired Reaper as I crashed headlong into a coffin, my exit from the shadows sloppy and blind. What a terrible picture I must have made. Blood running over my mouth, clothes torn and in disarray and white flecks of plaster in my long black hair. He picked me up from the floor where I had fallen, his head cocked to the side in alarmed curiosity.

 

“Could I lay in your freezer for a while?”

 

“Ohhhhh! My dearest Harry, I knew you would do me proud some day!”

 

A/N: Wow lol, that was quite the chapter. I hope all of you enjoy it!  


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Okay, we're getting kind of sexy in this chapter! :P This chapter is mostly Sebastian and Harry interacting behind the scenes. For those curious, we are still very early is the series at the moment.

 

Disclaimer: Nope.

Warnings: Slash, Mpreg, Dub-con?

 

Chapter Seven... **_“But oh, my heart was flawed. I knew my weakness. So hold my hand, consign me not to darkness.”_ _-Mumford and Sons, Broken Crown._**

 

By the time I retired from Undertaker's cold-storage freezer, I was rested, cooler and smelled vaguely of formaldehyde. The heat that had plagued me wasn't completely gone but neither was it overwhelming. I aimed to keep it that way for as long as possible and that involved avoiding Sebastian Michaelis for as long as I was able. Unfortunately, as I slipped into the manor through an open window, I was reminded that my luck was never that good.

 

“My, you certainly did some damage with that temper of yours.” The silky voice that issued from the shadows held steel behind the smoothness that made me wonder how long it had taken Sebastian to explain away the sudden damage to the manor to Ciel.

 

Ciel. I needed to check on him. I needed to make sure he was okay. If the butler had been any lesser man, he would have disappeared from my thoughts completely with the sudden need to check on my little one. My feet began carrying me away to the little lord's room without even a thought. I noted Sebastian following sedately with a wary fatigue.

 

“Where are you going, Harry?”

 

“I want to check on Ciel.” Not a want. A need. A deep-seated, uncontrollable, instinctual need. Michaelis simply hummed thoughtfully.

 

Ciel was sound asleep in his bedroom, curled up beneath the duvet like the child that he was. It eased my heart to see him so untroubled for once. It was only in sleep that the lines in his face smoothed and his eyes lost their haunted gaze. Only in unconsciousness was he ever truly at peace. I hoped one day to erase that expression from his countenance altogether. I slipped his door closed with a sigh and turned to lean against the window across the hall. It was tempting, especially standing beneath Sebastian's piercing gaze, to run back out into the open air, to chase the moonlight or swim in the midnight silence of the Thames. One of my familiars, an elder mother in her eclipse*, alighted on the hand I outstretched for her. She was a wondrous thing, larger than my hand and pearlescent in the dim light. She was truly a thing of beauty.

 

"You're awfully attached to my young master, my little raven. I would remind you that he will be food eventually. For us both. Getting attached to your dinner is unwise. "   
  
My eyes flickered over to the demon, trying and failing to keep my mind on hating him instead of this strange tolerance we had fallen into. I didn't want to tolerate him. I wanted to deplore everything he was, everything he did and everything that he had made me into! But it was...difficult. It didn't use to be. I don't know when that started to change. Perhaps it was the demon inside me. It saw how I felt about Ciel, saw how Sebastian protected him and labeled him an able provider. A capable mate. A shudder of disgust, at him and myself, you're through me and the lovely Luna moth balancing on my fingertips took wing. I watched her flutter off against the night before acknowledging my companion.   
  
"I want you to relinquish his soul when your contract is up." Blunt, honest and to the point. It was the way that I preferred to be with the demon. He was known for his deception and cleverness and I for being upfront and guileless. We were polar opposites yet he still found himself drawn to me. How strange.   
  
"Oh? And why would I do that?" He asked, his voice remaining calm and pleasant but his eyes told the truth of his feelings on the matter. They had brightened from their reddish brown shade to demonic carmine.   
  


At last I dignified him with eye contact. I turned around, leaning against the railing and relishing in the cool feel of stone against my lower back. The soreness in my muscles found itself soothed by the contact. This whole breeding cycle thing was a menace. I hadn't felt this wretched since the final battle. Physically, at least. The urge to groan in delight was strong but the demon before me would probably get the wrong idea. In any case, I wasn't giving the wanker any weakness to exploit. Not any more.   
  
"My instincts see Ciel as someone to be protected and nurtured. They see him as my child." And wasn't that just perturbing? This wasn't exactly my first time experiencing Sebastian feeding. It wasn't even the first time he had fed me in turn but something about Ciel just cried out to every fiber of my being, "He's just...mine. I don't know how else to explain it but I need to, _have_ to, protect him."   
  
"Hm. That is problematic." No kidding. Problematic being the understatement of the year. A demon protecting their young was a hell of a bigger issue than just problematic. His figure stepped closer to mine and I fought the urge to move away. I wanted him to give up the meal he had been cultivating for a long time, after all. No sense in antagonizing him, "You just need to feed and to mate. Your instincts are on overdrive because you deny them. You deny your body's natural cycles and drives."   
  
A convenient explanation. For him. I shook my head, crossing my arms in front of my chest to keep him from getting any closer.   
  
"I don't need that. I can outlast this. It's only a matter of time." I groused and gave him a sharp glare, "I just need you to not eat my-"   
  
"Your nothing." Sebastian snapped out lightly, interrupting me with the precision of a blade. The butler stepped away from me with a dismissive gesture that only served to incite me, "My young master is nothing to you, only a future meal and you've given me no compelling reason to change that. My word on the matter will not be swayed, Harry." With that final word, he stalked away, leaving me to fume silently in his absence.   
  
We would just see about that. There was time to find a way to break Ciel's contract yet. I would make sure of it.

 

 

_~ **“So crawl on my belly 'til the sun goes down, I'll never wear your broken crown...But in this twilight our choices seal our fate.”-Mumford and Sons, Broken Crown.**_

 

 

Sebastian had apparently taken personal offense to my special request and over the next few days had taken to delighting in taunting and pushing me to the edge of my tolerance. I was certain that I was slowly becoming a puddle beneath my chair. I hadn't even gotten up to follow when Ciel left the room, that single sapphire eye looking to me in concern. Did I really look as bad as I felt?

 

My entire body was sore as if my muscles were knotting up just to spite me. But the worst part by far was the _heat_ and knowing the fact that if I were to allow myself to get close to Sebastian, it would ease the flames. No bloody way. I stood by what I said. I just had to wait this out. He'd said himself that it only lasted a few weeks. I was a week and a half in already. The next few weeks seemed like an endless eternity though. Was I going to survive this? Well that was silly. I was fairly certain that no demon ever died from a breeding cycle but surely this searing fever would scald away my sanity by the end of it. 

 

I was in Hell, just on the mortal plane, I thought with a snort.

 

Contrary to popular human belief, Hell was not a pit of fire, though there were volcanic, sulfurous plains there just as there were on the surface. It was a place of darkness, however. It seemed to always be an Acheronian, moonless midnight there, obscuring everything. I ignored Sebastian when he returned to tidy the young master's office, looking at me with a sick sort of amusement lighting his eyes.

 

“Ones first breeding cycle is known to be abominable, nigh on unquenchable. How dreadful it must be for you.” His voice was smug and as mocking as the slow smirk on his face, filled with satisfaction and teeth.

 

Unquenchable, he says. It wasn't hard for me to believe that. It felt like I was dying of fever. A fever that had only once been aided by his mouth on mine.

 

The memory slammed into my brain like a hammer to the face and in that instant, I was reliving that heated moment as if it were happening that moment.

 

_Fanged teeth biting into soft flesh. Blood sliding down my chin, lubricating my dry lips. Magic reaching out and caressing the aura pressing so domineeringly into my own. Fingers making fast work of my shirt so that a hand could slip around to the small of my back, urging me forward into the awaiting body._

 

The chair I had been lounging in so miserably met the floor with a bang as I scrambled desperately from it, trying urgently to get as far away from Sebastian's dark, possessive presence as I could. My back hit the wall and I stood panting against the sudden onslaught of rising temperatures. My counterpart's eyes had reverted to their demonic shine across the room. A whimper crawled fearfully from my throat.

 

When would this ever end?! Could he know what I had just seen, had just relived? Could he _smell_ the heat? Oh Merlin...The thought made my knees struggle to support me suddenly.

 

Unquenchable, he had said. Undeniable. For the first time, I was beginning to doubt that I would have the strength to stand against this change in my nature. The realization made me angry. Why did he have to pick me? I just wanted to be loyal to Tom! Even in this wretched, cursed life, all I wanted was to love the Dark Lord that I had been snatched away from so quickly. My glowing, fevered emerald eyes watched the butler across from me debate on whether he should approach and risk another lightning fast Bombarda hex or retain his position and soothe my ire. Instead, his smirk returned and, slowly, he approached.

 

“Ah, my little raven. Still thinking like a human after all this time. Still holding onto those old loyalties like a shipwrecked sailor to flotsam when there is nothing left in sight.” Sebastian cooed patronizingly but his gait stopped just a short meter from me. He scented the air like a fine ambrosia, reaching out a hand that fell short of touching me by inches, “Won't you just pass an evening in my company? How it would soothe that ache inside you. It wold temper the heat for a time, give you the chance to recover yourself before the next wave. I would not treat you unkindly. Rather, I guarantee, I would make sure you enjoyed it before even securing my own pleasure.”

 

The word 'pleasure' radiated down my spine, vibrating along my senses. My hands shook terribly and another whine issued forth from my lips before I managed to wrestle a tenuous control back for myself.

 

“It would be a lie. I don't love you.” Perhaps it sounded cruel but we had always been relatively honest with one another, despite the fact that some of those truths were spiteful and done out of revenge for some slight or other.

 

“It is my experience that desire has little to do with love.”

 

Desire. Love. He was right about one thing, the two were mutually exclusive. I could have desire without love, clearly, as evidence by this infuriating pull towards Michaelis, but that didn't mean that I didn't still love Tom. Could I still love him and obey my traitorous body's desire for another of my kind, though?

 

In the end, did it even matter?

 

Voldemort and I were forever separated across the void of time and dimensions. Space wasn't just a final frontier, it was the unshakable, unbreakable brick wall that kept us eternity apart. Did he even know that I was still alive...? All those who witnessed that final battle saw was me making a deal with a demon and that demon whisking me off to supposedly devour my soul. For all they knew, I had been long moldering in some unmarked grave. The memory of such sad facts pushed the worst of the heat away but the bulk of its side effects remained. My entire body felt as though an earth quake had taken up residence inside me, shaking violently under the onslaught of the energy coiling and raging within me, demanding to be used for its proper purpose. The weakness in my muscles had returned tenfold. I found myself stumbling forward, crumbling beneath it only to be caught up in arms that brought that heat surging back to the surface. A sob broke free of my slipping control. A warm mouth nestled against my ear, soft as silk and as deadly as poison.

 

“Let me help you, _Samael._ Let me ease your suffering.”

 

I could taste his want for me on my tongue, driving my instincts higher. Sebastian desired me, Merlin be damned if I knew why. Maybe...maybe this was the leverage I needed all along. Ciel...Ciel had to be my priority now before anything else. He needed me.

 

“Release Ciel at the end of the contract and you can have me. Let him go, and I'll mate with you.” It felt filthy to even say. It was a prostitution of my values and emotions, not just my body. But...the image of Ciel's trembling, injured form the night that I had come to the Phantomhive estate superimposed itself in my mind's eye.

 

_My little one. My child in danger. Mine own. He needed me to protect him, everything else could rot._

 

The look on Sebastian's face belied his displeasure. He was not happy in the slightest and he had stiffened against me. His angry hiss made me shudder. Teeth bit into my ear punishingly, drawing blood and pain and a twisted sort of pleasure all in one intense swoop. I shuddered from my place against him.

 

“Very well, Samael. You have won this round but I assure you, the victory will not be so sweet when I have you crying out beneath me for the rest of eternity. After all, once I have a mate, I intend to keep them.”

 

We would just see about that. I broke like a weak child. When his hand pressed cruelly into my forehead to form a second contract mark, impossible to hide without magical interference, I didn't even flinch. This was for my little one. The demon lifted and carried me away towards his quarters, already beginning to shed crow feathers in preparation for the change. I would allow him to temper the heat for the time but my feelings on the matter were made perfectly clear.

 

“I don't love you. I hate you.”

 

He smirked against my neck, teeth sharp and fanged.

 

“Of course, my little raven.”

 

 

Outside in the darkness, an enormous crow snatched up and devoured a beautiful Luna moth with no one the wiser.

 

 

*A group of moths is called an eclipse. I just learned this! How pretty! :)

 


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Okay **LEMON IN THIS SCENE!!** Just so you can't say you weren't warned.

 

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Warning: Slash, Mpreg, Dub-Con?

 

 

Chapter Eight... **_“Lust's passion will be served; it demands, it militates, it tyrannizes.”-Marquis De Sade_**

 

_The heat was oppressive but at last, beginning to dwindle as a new sort of flame took its place. My humanity had been folded away with hands, teeth and tongue, leaving behind the truth of me in its stead. My true form was a portrait of sharp contrasts. My skin glowed like a ray of moonlight making every claiming, possessive bite and blood drop sing. Obsidian hair fell down my back to pool on bedsheets behind where I knelt trembling, black as the primordial tar pits that once devastated the earth. Stygian as the grave, as the endless, fathomless space held at bay by an invisible atmosphere. Blunted black nail bit into shoulders that shook with a melodic baritone._

 

“ _Ahh, my beautiful Samael. Look at you.”_

 

_Arms held me fast in his lap as he tilted me back just enough to gaze into a mirror over the bed. I gasped at the unholy, wondrous image we made. The sheets had been maroon once but their color had since disappeared beneath a thick layer of crow feathers that covered the bed like a duvet that felt both silken and piercing all at once. Standing out, a stain on the glowing perfection of my flesh, was a Faustian Seal tattooed in the very center of my forehead. The center of which, stood in stark relief, was the dreaded lightning bolt scar that had dictated so much of my human life. My jeweled eyes were alight with hellish fire, molten emeralds set into my eyes sockets, the pupils blown wide with the pleasure racing through my trembling body. There was a smear of carmine at the corner of my mouth where our kiss had become ferocious and demanding. The remnants of my torn shirt, the only dignity I had left, had been forced down from my shoulders, back exposed so the contract mark covering the entirety of my back could be seen and gloried over by its creator. Sebastian was not looking up at the image I made in the mirror as I was but was watching me, slitted crimson eyes brimming with victory, desire and that cursed spell of ownership that befell all men, especially demons, when they had the one they lusted after in their bed at last._

 

_His own truth lay bare beneath me, wings stood proudly behind him as if he were showing off for a mate, peacocking and as erect as he was. Long black nails curled over my hips, directing motion from above even as he moved from below. His own coloring was as dark as the massive wings that jutted out behind him, my hair melding with his own, unable to distinguish where one began and ended, which locks belonged to whom. His body shifted in my own and like that our almost playful moment of rest was now over._

 

_Sebastian had promised to see to my needs and he fulfilled that vow as he did everything else in his day to day: thoroughly._

 

_When I had been human, Tom and I had shared a few passionate, blissful encounters, always filled with love and a deep connection that came from the touch of two souls intimately and irrevocably bound together. But nothing could prepare me for this. This was something else entirely. Animalistic, near brutal, hungry. It was the high keening sound I made as he thrust himself upward, using my own hips to propel me downward onto him at a punishing pace that both ensnared and encouraged the demon in me to meet his pace inch for bared, flawless inch._

 

_I felt as if my entire being were swollen. The mark on my back contracted and pulsed with every touch its master supplied it. My skin had grown tight and oppressive and soon, surely, it would tear. Rip apart to reveal that my body was nothing but a chrysalis and that a new, soft, fragile me was emerging to gasp in the night air. Teeth as sharp as the edge of a knife bit suddenly into the juncture of my shoulder and neck, adding just one more mark to the growing assortment of the things ravaging my sensory overloaded body._

 

“ _Say my name, my little raven. Say it for me, my lovely one, mine own.”_

 

_I couldn't think anymore. Words eluded me. Human speech was beyond what my over-excited, over-stimulated mind could comprehend. Somehow I managed to get out a single, panting syllable._

 

“ _Seb-”_

 

“ _Not that one!” My partner hissed, nailed biting, digging into the soft flesh of my back with harshness. A slow trickle down my skin told me that small beads of blood had joined the symphony of their brethren dancing on my flesh, “My true name. I want it to be my true name that you cry out as you reach your ecstasy, Samael.”_

 

_I was cracking along the faults within my spirit, desire and heat driving those breaks down, down, down; deeper to the core. And when I found my completion, eyes blown wide and thighs wrapped around his waist, I gave him what he wished._

 

“ _ **Malphas!** ”_

 

_In his arms, I shattered._

 

 

 

_~_ **_“_ _He who angers you conquers you.” ~Elizabeth Kenny_ **

 

 

 

I awoke the next day, startled to find that I had slept at all. As a demon, sleep was really a superfluous action. The only time I had slept since my turning had been under the forced order of my contract when I had become feral while just a newborn. My eyes narrowed in suspicious anger. I hated when he did that, the buggering jerk-off.

 

The thought of Sebastian brought to mind the night we had passed in each other's company and suddenly, I was terribly glad he was absent, no doubt tending to Ciel. I wasn't sure if I wanted to thank the demon or murder him and dance on his cooling, rotting corpse.

 

The aches and pain and trembling in my limbs was blessedly absent.

 

Yet...I shook the intrusive thoughts from my head with a wince, hand straying to the still healing collection of bites at my shoulder. _Good Merlin_ , there were so many! I slid off of the bed quickly, rushing to see the damage for myself in the bathroom mirror only for my legs to collapse beneath me the moment that they tried to support me. I crashed to the ground with a thump and a curse. The feeling of amusement not my own pervaded my thoughts and my irritation grew. He had probably heard me hit the floor even from downstairs. That smirking, smug prick! My legs felt like a newborn colt's and a surge of fire ran up the base of my spine, a token of our brutal, carnal passion play of last night.

 

Somehow I got to the bathroom and into the filled tub, the hot water going great lengths to soothe the ache in my remaining injuries and backside. That my demonic healing hadn't cleared them all up already was a testament to the enormous job it had been left to tend. No matter. By the end of the day all of the hurts would have subsided completely. One benefit of being inhuman, I suppose. What I wouldn't have given for such a skill in my human youth. Fighting a Basilisk would have been no challenge at all without having to worry about healing. The washrag and soap worked into any soreness with tender care and yet, somehow, it was getting my hair clean that was the most refreshing of the lot. I lathered and scrubbed the shampoo into it ferociously, working it into a knot that seemed glued together by some sort of tacky white-...Oh ew.

 

The fact that I didn't even know who that particular mess belonged to just had me shaking my head sadly. I tried forcefully to think of anything other than what I had done until later. Anything. I had to see Ciel. He was downstairs eating lunch by now.

 

 _'With Sebastian.'_ My traitorous mind supplied, sounding terribly like a wistful Luna.

 

The irritation was back full force, only climbing when I made it downstairs to see the demon in question with an unusually, disgustingly pleased smirk on his face. His eyes tracked me the moment that I sat down at the table. The only greeting I gave him was a furious glare. I didn't care that I had no idea why I was aggravated. I just wanted to be livid for a little while. I was uncomfortable with what I had done, more so that I had enjoyed it so thoroughly and what did I do when I felt unhinged? I got angry.

 

His eyes scalded me as I questioned a wary Ciel about his day, studiously ignoring the way his single eye shifted suspiciously between the two of us as if he could sense the turmoil simmering beneath the surface.

 

Rust colored orbs pierced my skin when I made myself a cup of coffee. My ire began to rise with the tide.

 

Really! Was there nowhere else he could stare?! The butler passed by on his way to collect his young master's plate and as he meandered by, his dark aura seemed to reach out and grab hold of me, fingers wrapping around, stroking my throat, caressing down my back. My own reached out to coil around and rub against it, a great feline scent marking and exploring something delightful. Heat rose to my face at the same time that a memory from last night was ripped to the surface.

 

_Heavy pants, cries spilling out of my throat. Begging for more joined the chorus of sweat slicked flesh against flesh and pleasured moans like some sick litany at a black mass._

 

My response was so typical Harry Potter that even Dumbledore would have been proud. All of that restless energy that had been boiling to the surface over the last week and a half came at its master's call. My hands slammed into the table, enraged.

 

“Stop it!” I screamed at him, slipping through the shadows under the table as the food leftover from lunch exploded.

 

I was halfway to Undertaker's parlor before he could do more than blink in surprise.   


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Kind of a smutty chapter so prepare yourself!

 

Disclaimer: Nope. Nada. Zero.

Warnings: SLASH! M-preg and dub-con(?) too.

 

Chapter Nine... _ **“S**_ _ **ex is the consolation you have when you can't have love”**_ _ **―**_[ _ **Gabriel García Márquez**_](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/13450.Gabriel_Garc_a_M_rquez)

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Two days later, the trembling returned. Somehow, the moment Sebastian laid eyes on me, it was like the wanker _knew_. He had watched with a hawk-like gaze since it had begun all over again, a dark, nigh obsessive gleam in his rust hued eyes. Frustration bit at me as I sloshed the tea I was trying to pour into Baldroy's cup, the shaking overcoming me and spilling amber liquid over the wooden table. I swore colorfully and May-Rin blushed a rather fetching shade of crimson. In an attempt to keep from out of Sebastian's watchful, knowing gaze, I had opted to take supper with the servants in the kitchen instead of watching over my little lord in the dining hall. My own food remained untouched and my cup was more ice than tea at the moment.

 

The heat was returning.

 

“Harry, are you alright? You're certainly acting strange. Don't you feel well?” Finny's light drawl echoed through the haze of irritation and steadily rising body temperature.

 

No, I wasn't. But what was I suppose to say? 'Oh, no, Finny, dear. I'm peachy. I'm just jonesing to have crazy, rough, dirty sex with your lord's male butler because we both happen to be demons. But I'm fine other than that. Really.' Somehow I doubt that would go over well.

 

“He will be fine, Finnian. I'll see to it myself.” Came the sinful purr from the doorway. Sebastian stood there suddenly, watching over the four of us like some dark overlord condescending to visit his subjects. Or at least that was the impression he gave, but my sharp vision could pick up what the Phantomhive servants had easily overlooked. His unholy gaze was on me and me alone. My hand clenched tightly in an attempt to disguise the shaking as irritation but, just like the last time, it was no good. My deception was spotted with ease.

 

“You're so kind, Sebastian!” May-Rin gushed joyfully, her cheeks still flushed from her earlier shock at my foul language.

 

Sebastian kind? Hardly. He was simply opportunistic. Much like vultures snatching up carcasses off of the road. Scavenger. _Just like a crow._

 

When he stepped close to escort me from the room, my pulse quickened and the heat within me skyrocketed, quickly becoming unbearable. To the surprise of the room's inhabitants and a certain demon's annoyance, I took a quick step away. Distance. I needed space. For breathing, for sanity. I feared him in that moment. I feared that if Michaelis touched me, I would be overcome and drowned in him. I feared that when I surfaced once more, I wouldn't be myself any longer. I wouldn't be the same Harry Potter. I would be forever and irreversibly changed somehow.

 

“Harry can be as bad as our young master, I'm afraid. He dislikes taking his medicine.” Medicine indeed! I nearly snarled it at his smirking gob, the illusion of humanity be damned, but his hand encircled my arm in a steely vice. The feeling of his touch brought inhuman flames roaring to life within me without warning and my vision nearly blacked from the fire that was incinerating me from the inside. A Phoenix on it's Burning Day, dying in the flames of desire and being reborn from the ashes. But what would be born from that rebirth? What would I become when it was all said and done?

 

“Now, now, Harry. Let's get you to bed. _That's an order._ ” The mark on my back flared to life, pulsating like a living thing, and as it reinforced the command with my unwilling compliance, I was consumed.

 

 

~

 

_So hot. I was burning burning._

 

 _'_ Not for long _..._ patience, Samael.' _The man hovering above me laughed into the skin of my shoulder where he amused himself with marking my neck with bites and the tickle of a tongue lapping up the precious crimson that seeped forth._

 

_The shadows swelled and shifted around us like living things responding to the keening wail that was my sole communication at that point. My human mind had long evacuated, leaving behind only instinct and the burning, searing need. Wings snapped out overhead, seen only by the glow of my skin, feathers against a radiant, imprisoned moon._

 

'You are beautiful. And **mine**. No one else will do, my raven. I'll have you one way or the other, even if I have to use this disgusting nature against you to achieve it.' _The words were whispered softly in my ear and sounded almost morose and bitter but I had long passed being able to understand such things. Words words words. It was too alien a concept for my instinct driven, endorphin soaked brain to comprehend. The only thing that I could make out was that my partner, the one who was relieving me of this terrible insufferable heat was...not in pain, but something similar that I couldn't recognize at the moment. I was too far gone and emotion was out of my sphere of cognizance._

 

_I understood that I didn't like it though._

 

_I didn't want my partner in pain. Pain was for battles, for defending a mate or young or asserting dominance. Hurting was not for breeding. So I did what any good breeding partner would do. I rolled my hips upward against his own and brought his mouth to my own with a glowing hand tangled in satiny obsidian hair. Crimson eyes brightened with pleasure and the playfully presented challenge to his dominance. The sight of eyes like that shining down on me with something like affection and heady want stirred something in my dormant human thoughts. A memory maybe though I was unable to access it as I was. The brief recognition came and went and I was pulled once more beneath the tide._

_._

_._

_~_ **_“_ _When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.”_ _―_ [ _Jess C. Scott_ ](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/2980674.Jess_C_Scott) _,_ [ _The Intern_ ](http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/13855513) **

**_._ **

_._

My breeding cycle had slowly brought about this strange sort of partnership between Michaelis and I that I found wholly unexpected. The heat was apparently driving something instinctual within him as well because we couldn't even be in the same room without it crackling and snapping to life like lightning between us. The first time we had slept together, had been seduction born from need, the second time was little more than dubiously consented to coercion. The third time, I jumped him in the hallway on his way to check in on Finny's progress in the garden and dragged him into a spare bathroom. The tiles had felt cool and refreshing on my front and Sebastian was bestial at my back, determined to prove his dominance and I was quite willing to allow him to have it. I wasn't sure what it was that had shifted in our relationship that suddenly I was more than happy to initiate these sordid encounters myself rather than waiting petulantly for him to blackmail me into it. The fact was that I was rather uncomfortable with the ease with which I had started going to Sebastian. This discomfiture was the root of some rather spectacular rows between my sire and I.

 

It wasn't until we were in the middle of a tryst in the shower off of the lonely, isolated room I had claimed for myself that I realized that I even could _realize_. I could think. Here I was in the middle of the best sexual pampering of my existence and my humanity did not fold back, did not make way for the primal thoughts of my demonic nature. My mind remained clear. Or at least as clear as it could with someones tongue rolling around my belly button and traveling slowly and teasingly ever lower.

 

The heat was over at last.

 

My knees shook weakly and I breathed a sigh of relief at the startling discernment. Sebastian must have noted the change, my sudden distraction. He stopped and there was a certain tenseness in his shoulders that I could feel even in the unnatural dark that he had smoothed over the bathroom. Merlin, did that man have a complex about his true form. I don't know what made me do it, really. Maybe it was some sort of reluctant gratitude. After all, no matter how self-serving helping me through the heat was, even instinctively, I had rejected him as a true mate. Even when my brain was awash with lust and knew nothing but desire, Michaelis had been nothing more to me but someone willing to ease the pain with. He could have left me to suffer through it alone for that rejection, watched me break down until I would have agreed to anything to ease it but he didn't. Now that my mind was clear, I could see that clearly. My fingers buried themselves into his soft, fine hair, nails scraping over scalp lightly.

 

“Don't stop.” I croaked, my voice wrapping around the English words strangely after being immersed in my baser mind set for so long. It was a question, a command and an invitation all wrapped up into two short syllables.

 

I felt his lips form a toothy grin against the skin of my hip and nails dug gently into the skin on the back of my thigh, a delightful sharpness contrasting with pleasure wondrously.

 

“ _Say my name._ ” He whispered but his words echoed and bounced around the room as if they came from multiple directions at once. I wasn't sure if he could see me or if he was as blind in his created shadow as I was but as I complied with his near obsessive request, my face heated.

 

“Malphas.”

 

“Again.”

 

This time as the name tumbled forth from my lips it turned to a shriek as razor sharp incisors bit into the sensitive flesh of my upper thigh.  


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Sorry for the long wait, ladies and gents! I had Deaf Camp this past week so there was no time for writing anything I'm afraid. :) But here it is and longer than usual too! This chapter is mostly CielXHarry interactions, building their relationship further.

 

**IMPORTANT PLEASE READ!!!**

Okay, there has been some confusion over Harry and Sebastian being mates so I felt the need to clarify. Harry and Sebastian are not currently mates! After all, you don't go and marry ever person you sleep with do you? In the last chapter it talks briefly about how, even instinctually, Harry rejected him as his mate. The process of becoming mates does not just involve sex, which we will see later on. Also, there is a time jump of a few weeks between this chapter and the last. Thank you.

 

Disclaimer: Nope.

Warnings: Slash, Mpreg, Dub-Con.

 

Chapter Ten... _“_ ** _Absence from whom we love is worse than death, and frustrates hope severer than despair.” ~William Cowper_**  
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' _I was curled in strong arms, a grinning pair of lips nuzzling the skin of my neck. It felt nice...this freedom. In a dreamscape, there was no pressure to worry about was should and shouldn't be. There was no need for right and wrong. No place for guilt. I reached back, a groan spilling off of my tongue, to wind my fingers in pitch colored hair._

 

“ _Impatient are we?”_

 

“ _We are.” I quipped back lightly, tugging on the dark locks with a smirk._

 

_Teeth scraped over the exposed flesh of my throat and I winced though there was no pain. In the real world, my throat was littered with healing bites. Here in the dream world, pain was nonexistent. The outside world was the dream in this place. A hand trailed over my exposed stomach, not with the intention to inflame but simply to admire. To appreciate and adore rather than lust after. If only there could be this out there. This soft, sweetness tinged with mischief. If only things were different from this eternal waiting hell I'd found myself trapped in. A kiss tickled my collarbone. Then again...there were certainly upsides to this life._

 

“ _Tell me.” He whispered to me, voice barely above a breath, “Tell me why you care for the Earl so much.”_

 

_Ciel. My little one. My little princeling. So strong but so hurt too._

 

“ _He's...like a sparrow who's wings have been cut. His body is hurt and broken but his spirit, that indomitable spirit refuses to give up. Ciel is Harry Potter. They are the same. Children raised to die who stood against evil men.”_

 

“ _But you are Harry Potter. Aren't you?”_

 

_Was I? Is that righteous boy-soldier really who I was now? Was I still that person? The enemy, the lover, the betrayer, the friend? Or was I more Samael now than Potter? More of the demon instead of the wizard?_

 

“ _I hardly know anymore.”_

 

_My partner hummed, seemingly as if in acceptance of my answer but he never gave any verbal indication of what he thought of my explanation. He kept his opinions on the matter entirely to himself. After all, what good would they do? It wouldn't stop me from loving Ciel. Crimson eyes took me in stoically and in his eyes there was an endlessness that threatened to rob me of reality entirely if I looked to close. I would be drawn in to the fantasy, forever trapped in it._

 

“ _I'm waiting for you, Harry.”_

 

_My voice caught in my throat and I fought against the burn in my eyes. Harry. That's who I was. But was it possible to be both Harry Potter and Samael? Could I be both in one? It sounded like a daunting task, a frightening possibility for my future that I had never even attempted to consider. Could I remain who I was but accept this new part of me too? Accept the demon I had grown to be as well as the wizard? No answer was forthcoming._

 

“ _I know.”_

 

That would be the last time I saw Tom in my dreams and somehow, when I awoke, I knew this fact as if it were indisputable. And with that lonely knowledge, I hid in the shadows where curious carmine eyes could not spy and I wept.

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~  **_“_ _[Hating](http://www.searchquotes.com/quotation/Hating_the_one_you_love_is_harder_than_loving_the_one_you_hate./563203/) _ _[the one you love is harder than loving the one you ha](http://www.searchquotes.com/quotation/Hating_the_one_you_love_is_harder_than_loving_the_one_you_hate./563203/)te.” -Cristina Orante_ **

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I grimaced as the levitating charm I shot went suddenly wide, sending several teacups bouncing up in the air before crashing back down to their tray, shattering. So much for levitating the tea tray. The cups themselves hadn't made it more than a handful of inches from their places before the charm gave out. Ugh! Merlin be damned, what now?! The heat was over! Yet Fate seemed content to make a fool of me once more! It was always one thing after another, wasn't it? Typical.

 

“You need to feed.” Sebastian's voice came from behind as he entered the kitchen bearing away the Earl's finished tea. The demon's eyes frowned, taking in my badly muddled spell. Dear Merlin, if I was mucking up first year spells, we were in serious trouble, “You are weakening yourself and your magic by refusing to take sustenance.”

 

Sustenance that required the death of a human being. A living breathing person with thoughts and feelings, with family and friends. Could I make myself a murderer that way? Certainly I would in defense of Ciel, but could I justify it only to sustain my own hellish existence? Was murder really the best course? And if demons were immortal then could I die from starvation of souls? If the answer was no, then there was no need to kill in order to live. I would continue on anyways, perhaps a little weaker but hadn't I been just that as a human? I just had to keep telling myself that I had been this weak before, this frail. I had been human and no matter how long it had been since then, humans could live just well and fine with their weakness. Some even reveled in it. So I shrugged off his observation and slid my wand, rapidly becoming temperamental from not being used to it's liking, back into its holster within my body.

 

“Again with this? You know I won't do that.”

 

Sebastian sighed.

 

“Still with these foolish human sentiments. It is truly disappointing, my raven. Sickening, really.” His viridian gaze showed that he truly did find my lack of desire for souls a disappointment. I snorted. Good. Maybe then he would leave me well enough alone. Maybe then he would finally regret turning me into this...this _thing_. But...did I really want him to? After this peculiar sort of truce we had found in the last few weeks since my heat had ended? The lack of a good answer to that question put me on edge.

 

“Terribly sorry to be so repulsive to you.” I drawled, sneering at the butler who cleaned up the broken glass with preternatural efficiency.

 

A mischievous smirk twisted his handsome face into something both wicked and arousing all at once. My heart began to thud in my chest.

 

“You are far from repulsive to me, _Samael_. I can assure you of that.” My true name rolled off of his tongue like poisoned honey and turned the title into something deviously sensual, erotic.

 

Blood flushed to my face at the sound. Sebastian earned a glare for the blatant seduction attempt and I turned to leave the room, and him, behind.

 

“Don't call me that.” I shot back while trying and failing to curb my embarrassing reactions to his ridiculous flirtations where no one could witness my shame.

 

I would just take a pip down to Undertaker's for tea and bone biscuits. Someplace where I didn't have to worry about some demon sticking their big headed gob into my business all day!

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~ _“_ **_I wonder if I've been changed in the night. Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?'”_ _―_ _Lewis Carroll_ _,_ _Alice in Wonderland_ **

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Ciel sat next to me in the garden on a late summer afternoon as we went over preparations to visit the London town home for the Season. It was a bittersweet time for our little Earl, though he would never admit such weakness in front of Sebastian. It was this time last year that he had said goodbye to his aunt for the last time. This would be the first year that he took to the social season without Madame Red at his side. He had been understandably distracted during our preparations so that now, at the last minute, we were finally going over the lists of accommodations and invitations he had responded favorably to. Sebastian stood at his side, as always, serving us both tea and interjecting his own thoughts and opinions here and there as wanted.

 

I popped a sweet blueberry scone into my mouth as tea was served, a moan of appreciation sounding nearly erotic if the sudden heat in the butler's eyes was anything to judge by. That all changed when I took an eager sip of the liquid ambrosia I had been provided. And promptly spat it back out in disgust.

 

“Ugh! Sebastian! This is terrible!” The butler didn't even have feign the affront on his face. It had been quite some time since the demon had difficulties making something as simple as tea. To muck it up so badly had to be a joke!

 

“I beg your pardon?”

 

I poured the hot liquid out into a nearby bush with a grimace, distaste written in my every feature, “What are you trying to do, poison us? It tastes like metal, like blood!”

 

His eyes darkened in irritation and I could feel it coming through from his side of our link in waves. Ciel was discreetly sniffing his own cup though did not appear to have come to the same repulsive conclusion as I had. His cerulean eye gazed between the two of us in suspicion. Sebastian was only looking more and more offended.

 

“I can assure you, _Harry_ , that there is nothing wrong with either the food nor the drink I have prepared now or ever. May I be the first to say that my culinary skills are superb.”

 

Ciel took a delicate sip, much to my horror. What if he got sick?! What if he was poisoned?! Despite Sebastian's good intentions, there were others who would jump at the chance to see the Earl of Phantomhive dead and buried. Perhaps it was a mild poison that my demonic tastes could pick up but his blander human ones couldn't? But Sebastian was practically ancient, even amongst our kind. He would have picked up something like that, right?

 

“He's right, Harry. The tea tastes just as it always does.” The noble child said calmly and slowly as if he were reassuring a rabid animal.

 

I wasn't convinced. To the consternation of my sire, the horror of the servants and Ciel's vague amusement, I spent the next several hours combing through the food pantry and throwing out every scrap and leaf of tea that I could find. With Ciel's safety, I wasn't taking any chances.

.

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~ **_“Mother is God in the eyes of a child”- Silent Hill, 2008_**

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I knew the moment that Ciel had awoken. Even as far as the quaint country-side hills surrounding the manor for miles, his fledgling bond to me snapped to attention. I could hear him mentally cry out for me across the distance, feel his pain and fear. His need called out to me on levels that I had yet to analyze too closely and I did something in that moment that I had avoided doing for some years.

 

I apparated.

 

What had started as sniffles and a cough here and there the day before had turned for the worst into a fever that raged and hammered against the frail defenses of my little one's immune system. Sebastian was there, I vaguely noted, but at the time he seemed so unimportant, so easy to overlook. In the face of my Ciel, my little sky, bent over his bed vomiting, the demon may as well have been a decoration on the wall for all the attention I payed him.

 

The room smelled of sickness. I could hear the struggling in his tiny, weak lungs as he struggled for breath, a rattling that sent alarm surging through my being. There was fluid there. Pneumonia? Pneumonia in this world could be lethal...His heaves halted as I crossed to his side, retrieving my wand and beginning to cast every medical and healing spell that I could scrounge up from my war days as a human. There weren't many but enough to stabilize him and remove the foreign buildup in his pink, bird-like lungs. His body would fight off the rest of the fever in its own time, I tried to tell myself. I didn't believe it. There was an anxiety building within me. A wildness I didn't understand but that echoed my breeding cycle in the way that it hovered just beneath my conscious awareness. It was creeping up like the tide. When Ciel's eyes began to drift closed from exhaustion, I could not force my arms to let go of him. I rocked him gently, humming soothing tunes to his shivering form. Some were nonsensical, some I could vaguely recall from my days as a human but, either way, they did the trick. His normalized breathing evened out into soft puffs of air. Even when he was long asleep, something in me would not allow me to leave his side. I settled down beneath the covers with him, folding his miniscule figure up in a comforting embrace. I wasn't sure who it eased more, myself or the child.

 

It wasn't until the first light crept over the edge of the window sill and emotionless, blank crimson eyes finally caught my attention, that I realized that I had disregarded and ignored Sebastian's presence the entire time. I hadn't paid him the slightest acknowledgment at all. There was a meaning there in that fact and though I could not read it, it was clear that he could and Sebastian did not look pleased.

 

 

A/N: There we go! A bit longer for your wait! Now the ball is really getting rolling and we are officially past the first stage of the story. Things are about to get real, ladies and gents! Real dramatic, that is!

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Alright so not terribly thrilled with how this chapter is written, honestly, but I am hyper critical of my own work so I'll leave it up to you, as the readers, to make that judgment call.

 

Disclaimer: Nada. Nope. Zero. Zip. You must be joking.

Warnings: Slash, MPREG, Dub-Con.

 

Chapter Eleven... _“ **Happy are those who dare courageously to defend what they love.”-Ovid**_

 

Ciel did not wake until late the next night. What he woke to was not a scene he had ever expected to see and it terrified him on an instinctual level. It was the same sort of fright that haunted his long dead ancestors as they sat huddled around fires through the night, knowing that what slinked through the shadows at the edge of that light would be snacking on their insides the moment they succumbed to sleep.

 

As I had cared for him while he lay unconscious, the anxiety of the night before had not dissipated but had, rather, grown stronger. It had swelled and strengthened into a primal fear and the urge to protect him overwhelmed me. As the day had progressed, each person who had approached my sleeping youngling had sent off warning bells and bristling defense that only became more violent, especially when it came to the manor's resident demon. Anger and fear became fury, only coming to a savage head when Ciel began to wake.

 

I hissed at the butler furiously, swiping a claw out at the demon who crept continuously closer, his hands up appeasingly. I would not be placated though. Ciel! My child was in danger! Had been hurt! I had to protect him, no one was getting close enough to hurt him! No one! I felt the small body behind me trembling as he woke, still weak from the fever. His fright only served to enrage me further. Shadows began to bleed out into the rest of the room, slowly creeping their way towards me as I felt that demonic change begin to take hold. I was dimly aware of my impossibly green eyes fading to a dangerous, round and shiny beetle black. The beauty of my demonic presence and form becoming sharp and wicked. There was a reason that Lucifer was the most beautiful in Heaven before revealing his true nature to the world. One caught more flies with honey, more prey with beauty. Magic began to crackle and sizzle in the air in warning. Sebastian began to speak and it took me a long moment of the low, soft tone filtering into my frantic brain before I could make sense of the words.

 

“-not going to hurt him and I'm not going to hurt you. The danger is over, the sickness is gone. Ciel is all well now. Won't you let me check over my master? I need to check for side effects of the fever. You don't want him to continue to suffer do you?” The butler tried to sooth me, to talk me down slowly and only received a swipe of my razor sharp claws against an outstretched arm for his efforts.

 

Danger! Ciel was ill! I could smell the pain on him! I could smell his fear! Predators preyed on the weak and sick! No one was getting close enough to snatch away my youngling! Two shadows wrapped around Sebastian's ankles violently, gripping him in place so he couldn't budge even an inch without turning his attention away from me first. The back of my brain, the instinctual part that had swelled and overtaken me, calculated the odds of being able to attack him without leaving Ciel exposed. Possibilities and options were evaluated and discarded faster than my human brain could have ever hoped to achieve. Crimson eyes didn't leave mine though I noted that they were narrowed slightly in concentration. There was concern there, yes, but somehow not for Ciel, and anger at his dominance being questioned. He looked as if he were witnessing something both unexpected and worrying in me and didn't understand where it was coming from.

 

There was a small, frightened sound from behind me that could have been my name and then the sounds of gasping, struggling for air...

 

“Harry, look at him. You're frightening him.”

 

I was scaring him, hurting him? He was afraid...of me? Frigid fear filled my belly with the force of a typhoon, chasing back the instincts that had overridden my human mind. The bastard was right. My gaze turned to my little one and the fury that had consumed me leeched away as quickly as it had come. Ciel was curled up beneath his blankets, pressing his back against the headboard, as far away from me as he could get at the moment. His eyes, ringed by the exhaustion of the ill, were wide with panic. His lungs were weak...If he didn't calm down soon he could have an asthma attack. The fact pressed into my brain and everything else began to fold into the background. The shadows slinked back to their rightful places and my eyes returned to their bright emerald hue. The magic sucked back into my body like a gasp.

 

The next thing I knew, I was on my knees, listening to a high keening sound, the sound of anguish. Cool gloveless hands, hands with the mark of a contract etched onto the back, came to cradle my terrified face. I had a moment to be surprised at how chilly they felt before I realized that I was just that overheated. The sound began to descend into whimpers. Somehow, in the fog clouding over my mind, I wasn't able to register that the pitiful sound was coming from me. My human mind was ebbing and receding, coming in and out like waves on a shore. One moment, I would be thinking semi-clearly and the next, all I could do was feel my child's fear through our bond, whining like an injured animal at his pain. There was speaking from above me.

 

“Are you alright, young master?” The tone of that voice was soothing, calm like water would feel on a hot day or the shadows felt against my skin.

 

“I'm fine, Sebastian. Is he...Is Harry...There's something wrong with him, isn't there?”

 

“Yes...I'm afraid that I must beg your leave for a few hours to settle him, Master. I'm not sure what the cause of this madness is but I fear it may be more than just a simple flip of his instincts.”

 

“Very well. Take care of him, Sebastian. That's an order.”

 

“Yes, Master.”

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~ ** _“Merely through the constant need to ward off, one can become weak enough to be unable to defend oneself any longer.”- Frederick Nietzsche_**

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“There is something terribly wrong with you, Samael. Or maybe...something right?”

 

Something right? I scared my child. I hurt Ciel...My skin was sticky with sweat and I was barely aware of the sensation of my shirt being stripped away in order to cool my blistering hot body temperature. Nothing seemed real. There was no time or space. My vision danced and swirled as I fought to keep hold of what was happening around me. I was...incapacitated with a male demon. Faster than any human could dream, I ran though possible scenarios and outcomes. Demon males would rob nests of competing males, kill the younglings, in order to induce breeding cycles in the bearers and females. He would hurt us! Malphas would harm my little one!

 

'But no,' I thought, as my human mind began to return inch by struggling, fighting inch, 'The contract...He won't hurt Ciel because of the contract.'

 

Wouldn't devour his soul, at least. That said nothing for murdering him to get what he wanted once the contract had expired. The thought sent a shudder of fright and anguish through my being. I whimpered.

 

“But you're not centered, not attached. Even after your breeding cycle, you don't see me as your mate, so your instincts are wild with fear. They are trying to defend and protect, to do the job that your mate would do, that I continue to do even if you won't acknowledge it. You need to feed. You're starving yourself, but you aren't just eating for yourself anymore...are you?” The feel of a mouth against my belly drove shivers down my spine though the haze around my mind kept me from piecing together the words and actions into something sensible. Teeth nipped at the skin there and there was a long, experimental inhale before a dark, elated chuckle began to fill my senses, “ _Perfect. My sweet, precious little raven. My mate._ ”

 

Mate? No...not his mate. His servant. The marks on my flesh made sure of that. The moment he lifted away from my body, I slipped away through the shadows on the bed, ignoring his frustrated growl as I fled.

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~ _“ **I hold a beast, an angel and a madman in me, and my inquiry is as to their working, and my problem is their subjugation and victory, down throw and upheaval, and my effort is their self-expression.”-Dylan Thomas**_

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“Ciel...” There was a light scratching at the door like a cat pawing to be let in.

 

The child behind the door sat unaided, curled up on his bed for the first time since being woken from unconsciousness, feeling afraid. Not necessarily afraid for himself but afraid for the man he had slowly come to see as his...family? He would certainly do much to ensure Harry's safety and he knew that the demon would move Heaven, Earth and Hell for him. The way he had stood up to Sebastian, afraid that Ciel would be attacked was both terrifying and moving. It had been a long time since someone was willing to sacrifice themselves for him, no one but Sebastian at least. Not since his parents. But that was what Harry's parents had done too, wasn't it? Did Harry...did he see him as a sort of child of his? Did the quirky demon see himself as Ciel's parent in some strange way? Oddly enough, the idea didn't disturb him as much as it should have.

 

“Ciel, let me in. _Please, let me in._ ”

 

Harry's voice sounded fearful and haunted, as if he were still trying to ensure his little lord's safety, couldn't stop worrying about whether he was alright or not. The scritch-scratching on the wood halted abruptly and Harry gave a sudden whine of defeat from in the hallway. A sigh echoed from the darkness.

 

“Young master?” Ciel could have moaned in relief at the voice of his butler.

 

“I'm here, Sebastian. I'm alright.”

 

“Very good. I have him now, my lord. He will not bother you again tonight.”

 

He could hear the demon begin to walk away but the need to see to Harry's own well-being was almost as powerful as the man's own need to protect him.

 

“Wait! Is Harry going to be okay?” He called out, jumping up from the bed to rush over to the door separating him from the two demons. His weak legs were shaky, resisting the impulse to send him reeling and collapsing the floor. They were about as sturdy as twigs at the moment. Only time and rest would give him his usual strength back.

 

Ciel wasn't sure if his butler's following silence was uncertainty over his companion's condition or surprise that he was so desperate to know. It stretched on for a long, endless moment before the answer he so desired came.

 

“He will be well, master. He needs food and rest but I believe he will recover. I must go out and hunt for him but I will be back well in time for you to wake.”

 

“Of course.”


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Warning! Thsi chapter contain shameless fluff.

 

Disclaimer: Zip. Zero. Nada. Nope. Negligible.

Warning: Slash, Mpreg, Dub-Con.

 

Chapter Twelve... _“_ ** _Life is always a rich and steady time when you are waiting for something to happen or to hatch.”~E.B. White,Charlotte's Web_**

 

Sebastian was hovering over my groggy, spent figure where I lay prone on the bed we had often shared during my breeding cycle. I doubted I could have lifted so much as my little finger even if I had tried to. The demon lingered over me purring and humming pleasantly, his nose nuzzling my cheeks and throat. It felt...nice. Almost tender and protective. If anyone asked later, I would deny that I let myself revel in the attention for a moment or two. Deny it until my dying day.

 

“What's wrong with me?” I slurred eventually. My head felt heavy and full. I was shocked that I was able to form coherent sentences at all.

 

Sebastian did not answer my question right away. Instead he snatched up my lips in a vicious kiss, forcing a soul, then a second and third down my throat. For once, I took them in without an argument, gulping the lives down greedily and chasing after his lips when he pulled away smirking. I felt noticeably better though. The change was almost immediate. My body felt lighter and less weary, I could literally feel my magic stabilize itself and the latent bonds between Sebastian and I and Ciel hummed soothingly. I felt sleepy, lazy and full like a well satisfied feline stretching out in a sunny spot. My sire prodded my unclothed abdomen experimentally and I squirmed at the tickle it produced.

 

“Well this certainly explains why you've been acting like a lunatic lately. Your change in taste as well, I suppose.” He chuckled and I took in his wide, stretching smirk, wondering briefly if he were the one who had gone barmy suddenly. He poked and rubbed my stomach once more until I swatted his hands away irritably. He was treating me like one of his loony cats, for Merlin's sake!

 

“It is a wonder I didn't notice it before. Your fury over me approaching my young master during his illness abruptly makes sense. You weren't attacking out of spite, my little raven. You were nesting.”

 

Nesting? Why did that one simple word draw within me a certain cold dread? What did I know about that word? Memories from my days as a human were dredged up like molasses. Charlie explaining about the dragons. The dragons were nesting, wouldn't let anyone close. Nesting...Riding a broom, wind whipping through my hair, eyes trained on the nest below and it's gathering of shiny, leathery eggs. Eggs...Nests...Nests were for...

 

My eyes flew wide and I scrambled to a sitting position, nearly throwing the crow demon off of me in an attempt to examine my own body, horror etched into my expression.

 

“You're having a child, Harry. _My child_.” Sebastian practically sing-songed in his delight.

 

And he was right. How had I not noticed it before? My belly definitely had a slight roundness to it, a firm, nearly hard sloping. The words spilled into my consciousness and I could taste the truth of them immediately. Baby? I was having a bloody baby?! I turned a glare on the blissful, smug butler.

 

“You knocked me up?!” I shouted at the dark man standing above me in what could have been a protective, possessive stance, “I'm a bloke, you wanker!”

 

Sebastian's smirk only grew, crimson eyes shining with amusement.

 

“I noticed. You should know by now that demonic physiology is not the same as a human's, my raven. Gender for us is a fluid, changeable thing. You are what we call a bearer, a demon able to carry young. Whether you are perceived as male or female is inconsequential, though we all tend to lean one way or the other in our gender preference. I will admit this was a surprise to even me. I did not expect you to be able to carry children, though it is an unexpected boon. What did you think a breeding cycle was for, Harry?”

 

His answer was having the vase from the bedside table thrown at his smirking face. Pregnant. I was bleeding pregnant. What was I suppose to do now? I could feel that primal, animalistic anxiety welling up within me once more but I brutally shoved it down. No! I was not going to succumb again. I wasn't starving anymore, I would not be so easily overwhelmed. With a start, I realized that I owed Sebastian a thank you for that, no matter if he had gotten me up the duff or not. Maybe even because of it. He had to go and hunt for me, take out three contracts in order to gain those souls, and he didn't keep a single one for himself though I knew he hadn't eaten in years. I had to be at least a few months along to be showing already, so what had my refusal to feed done to my baby? Would there be any lasting consequences? I suddenly felt cold at the thought. Had my refusal to accept my demonic nature injured my child?

 

“Sebastian...” I reached out and caught his sleeve in my hand, trying to get a hold of that terror building inside me. I had to know. No matter what, I had to know if I had hurt this little life inside of me. The life that depended solely on me right now, “Can you...can you tell me if not feeding, if my refusal to consume souls, hurt my baby?”

 

His eyes narrowed just slightly. His side of the latent bond shut up tight without warning and it came so sharply and suddenly that I flinched. My hand fell away from his sleeve to cover my belly protectively, a move that served to chip that icy countenance of his. Fingers rose to twist in my devastatingly long hair as Sebastian sighed, dismayed.

 

“I do not think _our_ child has been negatively impacted up to this point but now that you are far enough along that you are showing, getting regular nutrition is absolutely vital. You need souls, Harry. Human food will not sustain the child inside of you even if you can get away with it yourself. Do you understand?” My nod was grim and despairing. His thumb stroked over the Faustian Seal on my forehead with a tenderness that was there one moment and in an instant was gone, over so quickly I wasn't sure if it had actually occurred or not, “Do not fret, Samael. I will hunt for you. As your-...as the child's father, it is my right and my pleasure to provide for the both of you.”

 

His pleasure, huh? I leveled Sebastian with an odd, considering expression, fully taking him in for the first time since I had come to Phantomhive Manor. That was unusually considerate of him. How strange.

.

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~ “ ** _Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” ~Elizabeth Stone_**

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True to his word, Sebastian went out into the world and hunted souls for me every few nights. For the first time in many years, the sensation of hunger was absent from my waking world. Ciel, bless the little lord, took the news of my pregnancy with only a slow blink of disbelief and a snort.

 

“I knew the two of you were a couple.” Was all he would say. I grinned, unwilling to bother explaining that Sebastian and I were not, in fact, anything even resembling a couple. We just had sex occasionally. And he spent his nights combing the country to feed me. And...bollocks.

 

Now that I recognized them for what they were, I was able to enjoy the process and joys of pregnancy. Today was not one of those days. I was sore all over and had been sick that morning, my stomach reeling violently at the smell of our bizarre cook's attempt at lunch. To be honest, I had hidden myself away in my room to await Sebastian and Ciel's return to the Manor from his latest trip out, some winter fair on the Thames or another. I had made Tanaka swear to alert me the moment the duo were spotted entering the estate. I hated to have Ciel so far away. I wanted him at my side...and maybe Sebastian too? It was really too soon to tell how I felt about the butler but it certainly wasn't the same as I had felt for him before coming to this place. Before, I could say with all honesty that I hated him. Whenever I said it now, it was hollow and jesting. There was no fooling myself. There was no hate for the butler within me now, but what exactly the emotion was, I could not yet identify. Perhaps I wasn't ready to.

 

I was laying down on the bed, contemplating my inability to nap naturally when I felt it. My hand had been rubbing slow, aimless circles on my stomach and then there it was.

 

A fluttering like butterflies in my abdomen.

 

My hand froze on my skin. What on earth was that? Was I hungry? My stomach rumbling? Was it remnants of my earlier nausea? The sensation came again before I realized what the strange feeling was. My eyes widened in wonder and awe. That was how Sebastian found me moments later, slipping his gloves off in order to give me another examination, no doubt, frozen in place and occasionally giving a gentle prod to my belly.

 

“Harry? What are you-” I shushed him quickly but eased the rudeness quickly by waving him over. The demon approached, both amused and curious. His expression grew when I grabbed his bare hand and laid it on my abdomen. At least until he too felt the fluttering there beneath my skin. Vermillion eyes filled with possessive delight.

 

Our baby was moving.

 

I found myself watching him kneel in front of me, marveling at this tiny, amazing thing we had created. Would the baby look more like Michaelis or me? Would we end up with a girl or a boy? He nuzzled my stomach, murmuring lowly and I was surprised to find that I was smiling, imagining what a tiny little Sebastian would look like. When the butler pulled me to him and ignited that flame inside of me once more, his touch was different. This time, he didn't just adore my body. He worshiped it and I found that I didn't mind in the slightest. Wasn't that the strangest thing?

 


	13. Chapter 13

A/n: Don't forget to review please! A big thank you to those who already have!

 

Disclaimer: Nope.

Warnings: Slash, Mpreg, Dub-Con.

 

Chapter Thirteen... **“ _The tragedy is not that love doesn't last. The tragedy is the love that lasts.”-Shirley Hazzard_**

 

To Sebastian's consternation, I had completely taken over caring for Ciel before bed now, not that the Earl himself minded in the slightest. It had become our special time, one that solidified the bond between us and only cemented him in my mind as _mine_. Just as much my child as the baby growing within me. I gave his sides a tiny tickle after I buttoned up his night clothes, earning a rare and lovely grin from the usually stoic lord. I didn't tell him that I could feel his butler hovering outside of the doorway as if Sebastian were loathe to leave either of us alone for long. This was a pretty typical occurrence by now. The demon was always within sight of me now, his eyes always keeping me close. I found that I didn't mind it too much, though it probably would have enraged me at another time. Now, though, I could understand. He only wanted to make sure everything went okay. Demonic pregnancies could oftentimes be difficult and neither of us really knew what to expect since I had started out human. I lifted the twelve year old with a chuckle and tossed him onto his bed playfully. What commenced was a tickle war and pillow fight that would have put the French Revolution to shame. 

 

Ciel's laughter rang out through the room. Sebastian's exasperation echoed down the connection between us at the song and I gave him a mental raspberry. He wasn't eating Ciel anymore so what did he care if the boy was stoic and unforgiving or happy and carefree?

 

“I got you something while we were in London, Harry.” The Earl told me evenly, pulling his serious face once more, though the effect was somewhat ruined when he scrambled over to the window seat like an excited child. Unlocking the thing, he retrieved a bag from its dark depths. The mass was pushed at me silently and he crossed his arms to wait patiently. The urge to just smother him with a hug was strong. How cute he could be! I'll bet when the baby came, the two of them would just be precious!

 

I opened the simply yet finely decorated bag and gazed into its depths. Inside was a terribly soft, emerald green baby blanket, a book on what to expect during pregnancy and a Funtom bunny rattle. There were a few pacifiers and soft toys scattered throughout the bottom as well and as I took in the little stash, my heart swelled for Ciel all over again. Before he could even register what had occurred, I had pulled him into that tight, tender embrace that I had fought off moments before.

 

He was so sweet and filled with love, even if he didn't acknowledge it most days. I just loved him so much. There was no way I would ever let anyone hurt him. Especially Sebastian.

 

“Thank you, Ciel.” The whispered words brought an embarrassed blush to his pale cheeks. He coughed, abashed.

 

“Yes, well...Lizzy tells me that babies can hear it if you talk to them before their born, did you know?”

 

My smile widened at his adorable, childish hedging.

 

“I did not. Shall we try it?” His mismatching eyes lit up as I beckoned him close once more and Ciel leaned down to put a timid, uncertain hand on my bulging stomach. I covered his hand with my own to reassure him and his nervousness began to dissipate quickly. How precious he was to me...Both of them.

 

“Erm...what do you say to a baby?”

 

His simple inquiry startled a laugh out of my chest.

 

“Whatever you like! Go on, Ciel. It's okay. I'm sure the baby won't care as long as it's your voice they hear.”

 

The blush returned but he dutifully leaned down to rest his cheek against the bump and whispered, “Come soon. I want to see you before I go. Who knows, maybe I'll leave you my company if you don't cry too much. I've heard that infants are quite noisy.”

 

The babbling joy inside my chest wilted into something fond and sad. Before he goes...Ciel had no idea that I had bargained for his freedom. He didn't know that I had chipped off just one more piece of my soul in order to save his own. Looking down at him whispering to my belly, I was reminded of just how worth it it was.

 

Before too long, I ushered him into bed, citing Sebastian's reminder of his early morning riding lesson the next day but lingered as always as the last of the candles sputtered down to impotent stubs. Ciel lay fingering the edges of his sleeves, almost nervously. The sight gave me pause, despite Sebastian's relentless tugging on his end of our bond, pulling my attention outside. Was something bothering my little one tonight? The idea of his distress brought that strange, wild anxiety bubbling up all over again. Fortunately, he gave breath to his concerns before it could get out of hand.

 

“You really care about me, don't you? Even after I made a contract with Sebastian and knowing how it's going to end.”

 

Be still and break my heart. Merlin, could he crush my fragile feelings easier than anyone. I ran a shaking hand through his slate colored hair lovingly, a small smile sliding through my eyes.

 

“Especially after that. Don't forget, Ciel, I made a contract too.” I chuckled, pointing to the Seal on my forehead humorously.

 

“You never did tell me what was so important that you made a second contract for.” The child groused, an irritated pout sitting heavily on his face.

 

I couldn't help it. It was terribly amusing in a tragic sort of way. I ruffled his hair before darting away towards the door quickly, still sprightly for someone who was carrying another person around, no matter how small that person may be.

 

“What indeed. Goodnight, Ciel.”

 

The door closed behind me with a tiny snap and with that final sound, the smile fell away from my face like water over glass. My little sky, my Ciel. He thought he was going to die. He asked my baby to come in time for him to see them, worried that he would be dead before he had the chance. I hugged the bag of baby things to my chest, trying in vain to ignore the prickling behind my eyes as Sebastian approached from the shadows. His face was creased in concern. I fought the sadness building up inside of me but when he reached out to touch my arm, the floodgates broke and I leaned my forehead against his collarbone, sobbing silently.

 

Why did anyone have to sacrifice themselves? Hadn't I lost enough people I loved? Hadn't I lost enough people at the hands of those I cared about? Tom...My friends, Albus, Draco and his haughty, tense friendship,  _me._ And now Ciel? But I had saved them...I had saved them by losing them. I had saved Ciel too but inevitably, I would lose him to the test of time. His soul was protected but his life...his life was so devastatingly human. He would age. He would grow up to be a fine gentleman, he would marry Lizzy and they would have a family of their own together. Eventually, he would die. I would lose him and it would destroy me all over again. I cried as if y heart were breaking and when Sebastian lifted me bodily and carried me to what was quickly becoming  _our_ room, I didn't resist him for a moment. 

 

Stupid hormones. That's it. I was blaming the hormones. Yep.

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~ _ “ **Sometimes when I look at you, I feel I'm gazing at a distant star. It's dazzling, but the light is from tens of thousands of years ago. Maybe the star doesn't even exist any more. Yet sometimes that light seems more real to me than anything.”―** _ **[ _Haruki Murakami_ ](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3354.Haruki_Murakami) _,_ [ _South of the Border, West of the Sun_ ](http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1739145) **

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“Ugghh. I hate you. I hate you so much right now.” I hissed to the smirking demon hovering over me.

 

I had been fed tonight but hunger still rolled needfully inside of me. My little one was definitely bringing all sorts of unpleasant sensations as they grew. On tonight's menu of unfortunate experiences? Backaches and an insatiable appetite. Skilled hands were working at massaging the knots and kinks out of my muscles but nothing could be done about the hunger. I had already eaten two souls tonight and no more would be forthcoming in the half hour before sunrise. The book Ciel had blessedly gotten me mentioned that overeating could actually be a bad thing so I had opted out of sending Sebastian back out for another.

 

Sure, I was hungry, but,  _Merlin_ , did those hands know what they were doing. 

 

The noises I was making were practically erotic and I couldn't lie, I was feeling more than a little aroused by the time it was over. My nerves were singing with every stroke and touch. When his head dipped lower to run a dominant, possessive tongue over the contract mark on my back, I snapped. Sebastian found himself jerked to my mouth by the front of his suit, my teeth and lips working at his own as my humanity melted away in the face of my need. Besides, it wasn't as if he minded the sudden change in pace.

 

Stupid hormones!

 

My clothes were certainly going to need a handful of Reparo's after we were finished. They were shredded off of me faster than I could even gasp out his name. The hunger was pushed to the back of my mind as my inflamed nerves took center stage. Merlin, everything felt so  _good_ . Things that had been pleasurable before felt like ecstasy now. I thought for sure that I would be unconscious long before the end of it but, fortunately, that humiliating occurrence was avoided. 

 

It ended too soon, in my opinion. One moment I was riding out the waves of desire, taking as much of him as he would give, and the next, I was curled, spent at his side. My emerald eyes shifted to my partner eagerly, already debating on a second round but I cursed lightly at the sight of the lightening sky out of the window. Dawn would soon arrive and Ciel would be up soon. Breakfast would need to be made and the servants roused from their beds. There was no time to enjoy another session, regrettably. Sebastian seemed to sense my disappointment because he laughed lightly. Fingers wound their way into the hair at the base of my skull, massaging my scalp with fond amusement. Our child fluttered in my belly between us and he sun rose slowly, hovering almost motionless on the edge of the world. Light began to break over the horizon like waves on the sand. It spilled onto the tabletop of the earth as an overturned teacup stains a white cloth amber. All the while, I lay as close to satisfied as I could manage in the arms of the demon who had changed my life forever, twice now.

 

“You enjoy this don't you?” Sebastian's voice whispered into my drowsy, placid ear slowly, his hand sliding to my hip where he could rub the sides of my protruding belly to his heart's contentment. I waved my wand with an easy, lazy motion, banishing the stickiness between our thighs with a wry smirk. Clearly. “We are good as a pair. You are carrying my child. Be my mate, Harry.”

 

Again with this? Couldn't he take no for an answer? I mean, sure, the sex was great, but a person didn't marry every person they slept with. Perhaps I would have thought that logic to be cold and unfeeling if I had been human but when you lived forever, it was difficult not to find someone to scratch the itch with every hundred years or so.

 

I snorted derisively, “Is this your 'I got you knocked up so now we have to get married' speech?”

 

My companion did not look impressed at my avoidance, “Be mine, my raven. You are already in all but name and commitment, after all.”

 

A spike of anger made its way through me and I pushed myself off of the bed, irritated and dismayed at his insistence on the matter. Why did he have to keep pushing this?

 

“I need clothes for this conversation.”

 

He barked out a laugh that had more of the croaking, harsh undertones of his familiar than I had ever heard him express before. Sebastian stretched out on the comforter, clearly unbothered by his own nudity.

 

“Why is that? It isn't as if I didn't just see, just touch and lick, every inch of you anyways.”

 

I turned to him, snatching my shirt from the floor irritably. Yet when my eyes met his, my expression was empty, carefully concealed behind a flawless mask. It was too bad that he could likely feel my discomfiture through the bond between us.

 

“You make me feel vulnerable, Sebastian." I slipped my shirt on silently, buttoning up each button slowly before I spoke again. My mask remained in place and no matter how much I didn't want to, I gazed at the butler head on. The urge to avert my eyes nervously was strong but I resisted. If I didn't give him the full weight of the truth, he would continue on this fruitless chase, “I still love Voldemort. And I don't want to be bound for the rest of my unnaturally long life to someone that I am little better than a servant to.” His head tilted to the side but his expression was shut up so tightly, I couldn't tell if he were confused by my statement, taken aback or simply angry, “I am...lesser to you and I always will be. The contract marks between us ensure that and it will always be hanging over me, this absolute power you have over me. I love Tom because, despite the odds we were often at, I was his equal in every way. I _love_ him. I loved him when you turned me and I love him still. That will never change.”

 

There was no immediate response to my heartfelt declaration though the room abruptly began to darken. My arms came over my belly protectively, unsure whether to stand my ground or bolt. Would Sebastian lash out at once again being refused? His composure was rock hard usually but everyone had a breaking point and I just didn't know where the line between tolerance and fury lay with him. There was suddenly a presence at my side and I turned to see him standing close, hands coming to cradle my face. Just as he had the night that I had lashed out at him in defense of Ciel. The same night we had discovered my pregnancy.

 

“Silly human thoughts, Harry. What does that matter? Love your foolish Dark Lord for all I care. He is worlds away and our lives are long. Even if you loved him for a million years, as long as I can have you too then it is a small sacrifice to share.” Somehow I had a difficult time believing that he would take such a thing so gracefully but the truth of his words rang out like a bell in my brain. He was right. Tom was an entire universe away, far from my reach. Was holding on to my love of him a fool's errand? Maybe. But it seemed so...unfair to move on when he had no idea what had even happened to me. He probably didn't even know if I was alive or dead and that tore at me as if I had swallowed nails.

 

“As for your contract, have I not been gracious with my commands? Have I not retrained myself admirably against using the mark for my own ends? I rarely call upon its power to subvert you because I know how you detest it. I do not want your submission because of a command, my little raven. I want you to come to my side willingly and happily.”

 

He did have a point. Sebastian rarely actually ordered me to do anything. He had ordered me to bed during my breeding cycle but wasn't that more to relieve my suffering than for his own gain? Not to say that the wanker certainly hadn't gotten his jollies from it, of course. Sebastian was a demon, after all, not a saint. I hummed, my brain rolling his words around in my skull as the sun rose at our backs nd the darkness lifted.

 

“Perhaps.” Was all I would say on the matter before disappearing from the room through the shadows entirely.

 


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: A familiar character makes a come back in this chapter! Enjoy!

 

Disclaimer: Nada.

Warning: Slash, Mpreg, Dub-Con.

 

Chapter Fourteen... _ **“Love is not an equation, it is not a contract, and it is not a happy ending. Love is the slate under the chalk, the ground that buildings rise, and the oxygen in the air. It is the place you come back to, no matter where you're headed.”-Jodi Picoult**_

 

Sebastian stood dutifully by Ciel's side, helping the little lord puzzle through some school work or another at his desk. He appeared to be quite the attentive aid but each time I looked up at them, more often than not, his rust colored eyes were on me, taking in what I was doing or reassuring himself of my presence. It was actually kind of sweet. And hilarious. To see the ever-so-composed butler unable to drag his eyes off of me for more than a few moments had a sort of thrilling entertainment in itself. What made it even funnier was that Ciel was doing the same thing.

 

'Really! Those boys...,' I thought fondly, letting the slow smile curve my lips just as surely as my belly curved outwards.

 

It was impossible to hide my pregnancy now. I was round enough now that I had been forced to stay in the manor for Ciel's latest cases, as if Sebastian would have let me leave anyways, and when we ventured out into London, I was constrained to glamouring myself as a girl. The boys seemed to find this predicament endlessly amusing, though it pleased the demonic butler to have the opportunity to introduce me as his “beautiful, glowing wife”.

 

Two pairs of eyes flicked to me once again and I rolled my eyes, grinning. Ciel at least had it in him to blush at being caught. Sebastian only spread a wry smirk over his face at the image I made. The little Earl had relinquished his softest, most comfortable chair for my use and thank Merlin for that because anything less just about killed my back nowadays. I was round enough at 25 weeks that bumping into things had become a constant hazard. My big belly certainly made a wonderful table though, I thought happily as I set back to work folding onesies and cloth diapers on my stomach. Not that a demon baby would need a diaper. We ate souls, after all, and even when I indulged in human food, I never really cast much thought as to what happened to it after that. It seemed too embarrassing a question to ask the man I was sleeping with.

 

“We need to get a crib made to go in the nursery.” Ciel interjected, breaking the companionable silence as he began stuffing the papers neatly away into his desk, “Would you like to go to town and see if we can find one worthy enough?”

 

His haughty question drew a laugh from me and I nodded, “Sounds like a day, little lord. Perhaps I'll stop in and see Undertaker too. He sent me the most adorable stuffed skeleton doll and I haven't had the chance to thank him for it. Merlin only knows how he knew I was pregnant to begin with. I certainly didn't tell him.”

 

I made to try and roll myself out of the chair's soft grip but Sebastian beat me to it and helped ease me up carefully. The smile I gave him afterwards seemed to warm something in him though it was hidden away as quickly as I had witnessed it.

 

“Probably that Sutcliff character. He seems like he would just dive on the chance to smear you to anyone.” Ahh, that was true. There was definitely no love lost between Grell and I. According to the ginger Reaper, I had stolen his man and gotten to bear his children when that had been all the Scythe-wielding menace had wanted. I snorted derisively. Indeed.

 

I allowed my companion to escort me to the study door though I waved him off once we got to the hallway. Good grief, I wasn't so big that I couldn't walk on my own, after all. If Sebastian kept that up we were going to have a very long fifteen weeks to come. Ciel was making a list of baby things we needed to look at as we made our way to the entrance hall making me smile broadly. For someone who was afraid he wouldn't be around to see the birth of my child, he was certainly excited about it. I think he put more heart into decorating the nursery than any of us, and for my first child, that was saying something. He had picked out which room we would designate for the baby, a room directly next to mine and Sebastian's and close enough to his own, and had sat up late one night puzzling over which the baby would like best on the mobile: giraffes or lions. I had begged off of the lions only because the red and gold coloring they came in made me sad to see.

 

What would my friends think if they could see me now? Heavy with child and glowing, a demon with a master and all but adopted human child. Hermione would probably have a stack of books on demonology and pregnancies as tall as she was in hand before I even had a chance to finish my explanation. Ron would probably look horrified, both at the concept of a bloke being pregnant, my being a demon and the prospect of having to study. Sebastian had just returned with the little master's coat only for me to pluck it deftly from his gloved hands with a playful smirk. The demon bowed to my wishes mockingly though his amusement was clear to see in the shining of his eyes, despite the displeased frown he shot me at the sight of me lowering myself to the floor. Good grief, I was a demon, not fine china. The man was being smotheringly parental. But I was coming to like it. Sebastian...was growing on me bit by bit. I'm not sure when it began, really. It was in a thousand and one tiny moments, undefinable but precious. In the way he looked at me over Ciel's head when the boy couldn't see and the way he always gave me the briefest of touches as he passed by. They were nested snugly in the way he whispered to my belly at night, moments of stolen time where he simply sat back and bonded with our child. Somehow, it had started becoming _our_ child, instead of mine. _Our_ room instead of his. The transition had been slow like a lava flow across a flat plain but no less overcoming and consuming.

 

I knelt to button up Ciel's blue coat when there was a light, almost unsure rapping at the door. Sebastian's frown that had yet to dissipate from his disdain at my hunched position, tightened. Just barely below human hearing I could hear him mutter to himself about brigands who don't make appointments and, strangely, Grell Sutcliff. I ignored his plight with a snort. Probably just the delivery man bringing more contracts and paperwork for my tiny Earl. I hummed happily at the little one in my arms and gave him a quick hug before Sebastian could see. No reason to undermine Ciel's clear 'manliness' in front of his butler. To my surprise, I was in a terribly good mood today. It was beautiful out and we were all four going to spend the day in London together looking at baby clothes and bassinets. I was well fed thanks to the butler's efforts the night before and, for once, I felt like a normal human being instead of a hormonal monster. Well, as human as I could be at this point.

 

Sebastian opened the door to confront our unexpected visitor and the joyful mood I was in rushed out of me like a murdered balloon. There standing in the open door was a stately gentleman with waist length black hair pulled back in a loose, low ponytail. His pale alabaster skin could give my demonic companion a run for his money and the man boasted the most kingly, handsome hands that I had ever seen. Hands that were holding a familiar yew wand. Time stood still. My heart stopped. For a split second, all of the air within me rushed out in a quivering exhalation. Crimson eyes found my own and before I knew what had happened, I had rushed across the floor, out of the door and into his astonished, amazed arms.

 

“Tom...” His name fell out of my lips and when trembling arms locked around me like a starving man at a feast, I thought that surely this had to be a dream. This couldn't be real. Surely, I was sleeping. I was dreaming, hadn't even woken yet this morning. But no. There was his heartbeat. The smell of spicy, expensive liquor. His breath on my cheek. The beloved feel of his magic moving around my so changed body. His arms wrapped around me felt just the same as they had the day I had struck him down one hundred and fifty-four years ago. The same day that I had sold my soul and lost my humanity forever. My Tom. He was here, actually here. How?

 

“Harry...I found you. I finally found you...” The Dark Lord whispered as if he barely dared to believe it.

 

That was all the confirmation I needed. Hormonal and feeling suddenly overwhelmed, I burst into uncontrollable tears. 


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Ohhhhh! Voldemort is on the scene! What will happen now? ;)

 

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Warnings: Slash, Mpreg, Dub-Con.

 

Chapter Fifteen... _“_ ** _She's awfully fond of Wendy,' he said to himself. He was angry with her now for not seeing why she could not have Wendy. The reason was so simple: 'I'm fond of her too. We can't both have her, lady.”_ _―_[ _J.M. Barrie_](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5255014.J_M_Barrie) _,_[ _Peter Pan_](http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1358908)**

 

I don't know how long I stood there, sobbing out all of the misery and loneliness of the last century and a half, simultaneously breathing in his presence as if that could somehow permanently fix him in the here and now. It could have been hours, days, weeks even. My heart was hammering so loudly in my chest that I knew Sebastian could hear it.

 

Oh Merlin... _Sebastian._

 

My breath caught in my throat without warning, trapped behind the sudden dread pervading my being. Tentatively, I brushed my awareness over the delicate bond between my sire and I mentally cringed away at what I found. At the opposite end of the connection where the demon could normally be found was a deadly, impenetrable wall of ice. Bitterly cold and consuming. His rage could freeze liquor with its icy grip. I could feel his immediate urge to tear me away from the competing male. It was an instinct that I could understand.

 

I had seen a male, a potential predator, approaching my young once.

 

Now, he was seeing another male touching his child and mate, a threat to be eliminated.

 

' _But you're not his mate_ .' Came the voice from inside my head though, even to me, it sounded weak and petulant. My internal anxious fretting was interrupted by Voldemort pulling me back to examine the creature I'd become. His magic ran over my own, examining me at the same moment that his fingers traced every hollow on my face. I drank in his expression like man stranded in the desert. This was the man I had sold my very soul to save, this man whose love I had subsisted on for one hundred and fifty-four years. This Dark Lord that I adored. 

 

"You're a demon then? It's as I suspected then... And you're-" His mouth grew tense at the edges when he gestured down at my rounded form. My smile became both sad and fond all at once, my hand falling to cup my growing baby bump. No matter what transpired between Tom, Sebastian and I, that was one thing that I would never regret.

 

“Yes," I whispered with a wry grin, "Twenty-Five weeks now."

 

"As much as I am enjoying this reunion of yours, shall we at least take it to the study instead of lingering on the stoop like degenerates?" Came Ciel's stoic drawl from behind us.

 

Whoops. I suppose we had stood in the doorway for an inordinate amount of time, hadn't we? I turned an apologetic grin on the little lord, almost afraid to look up at the dark tower of a Butler at his side.

 

"My apologies, Ciel. Please permit me to make introductions. Lord Voldemort, this is the Earl Ciel Phantomhive, guardian and authority of the Queen's Underground. Ciel, the Dark Lord Voldemort."

 

My youngling stepped forward with all of the regality expected of one of the Queen's court, his hand stretched out to shake an amused Tom's own.

 

"It is an honest pleasure, Lord Voldemort. Harry has spoken of you very fondly." He didn't say that those little tales had been stories told before bed when the Earl was restless and unwilling to sleep for one reason or another. Stories that we had been careful not to let Sebastian hear. It seemed our secret bedtime stories were out in the light of day now, though. No doubt I would face my companion's displeasure later. I gave Ciel a beaming smile for his welcome though the expression shrank just the smallest amount when I turned my introduction on the stiff form of my child's father.

 

"And this is-"

 

"The demon." Tom interrupted me, his own face morphing from entertained into a venomous sneer aimed like a striking serpent in the butler's direction. Sebastian returned the gesture in kind, "We've met. After all, it was you who brought me back from the dead and it's you I have to thank for finally finding Harry after all these years."

 

When Sebastian finally spoke it was like all of the rage of a winter storm struck in a single syllable.

 

“Oh?” His eyes had bled from their human disguise to their true, slitted vermillion, the depths becoming enraged when Tom's sneer twisted into a victorious smirk. It was a frightening sight, knowing how furious he was on the inside when his face remained so perfectly blank. A mask crafted and sculpted over millenia.

 

Slowly and deliberately, Voldemort withdrew what, at first glance, looked like a quill from his robes. But no...My eyes widened when I realized what it was that he held for us all to see. It was a feather. A single, gleaming, obsidian crow feather. The same sort of feathers that had littered the bed beneath me when Sebastian and I had coupled during my breeding cycle and every time since.

 

“You left these behind when you took Harry from me, demon. After I collected them and put them under stasis to keep your magical signature from wearing off, I was able to find a way to track you even this far. I knew that if I could find you, I would find Harry. After all, you had been watching him for years before taking him. You weren't going to let him go so easily.” Tom flexed his magic and the feather burst into flames, the flickering light reflecting into his blood hued eyes malevolently, “I used your own feathers and the magic left over within the mark you left behind after you resurrected me to trace you here.”

 

That last sentence struck a chord inside of me, a sick feeling melding with sudden, unrestrained anger. A mark...surely he couldn't mean-?

 

“Mark?” I whispered with barely contained, trembling heat.

 

“Yes. Your _sire_ decided that it would amuse him to leave a replica of the contract mark he carved onto you on my own skin.” I shot the unrepentant Sebastian a furious glare and would have started seething at him if Tom hadn't continued to speak, “But it was that hubris that assured me that he did not plan to kill you. He would not have lorded it over me so arrogantly if he were just taking you for a meal. No, he wanted me to know that he had won you, that he had taken what was mine for his own. In the end, it was that mark that helped me to get back to you. It took thirty years but finally, I found you.”

 

_Thirty years_ ? My stomach turned as we headed inside and my knees began to quiver. On the distant horizon, dark clouds began to rumble. It looked like our beautiful day out was not to be.

 

“Thirty years? Since the Battle?” Neither of us needed me to specify which battle that was. There had been many but only one had been so life altering. Literally in his circumstance. His eyes were filled with concern when they took in my pale, stunned face but he nodded in the affirmative, “Only thirty years...” I breathed mournfully.

 

I never thought...It never even crossed my mind that time would pass differently in our separate worlds. Yet here was the proof. Thirty years. What had I been at thirty years? Still a fledgling demon. Still completely dependent on Sebastian for sustenance and control. Still trying to adjust to this new life and  _Merlin_ , how I had loathed him them. I had loathed the creature that had tainted and turned me, had torn my life away from me. 

 

But that really wasn't true, was it?

 

Sebastian hadn't separated me from Tom. I had done that. I had offered him my soul in exchange for Tom's life. Either way, we would have been parted whether it was through my soul being consumed or becoming a demon. Sebastian had really only spared me. He had desired a companion and had decided to share his life with me instead of making me into a meal. All of these years, I had blamed him when, in the end, it took Voldemort coming back into my life to make me realize what I had refused to see.

 

“ _It hasn't been thirty years for you, has it?_ ” Tom asked softly, slipping into parsletongue as if the truth were too cruel to be spoken out loud for the masses. 

 

I was too horrified to even speak for a long moment and in that time, we had all begun to make our way back upstairs to Ciel's office. However, when we came to the bottom of the staircase, the shaking in my knees reached a new high. Up until then, Sebastian had only uttered a single word in the face of this startling visit. The ice on the other side of our bond remained but I turned to him shakily, brushing up against that coldness in my mind. His eyes zeroed in on me quickly and I gave the tiniest of smiles. I was mad about him marking Voldemort, furious that he would lord his victory over the man I loved like that, but it wasn't something that I couldn't work passed. It had, after all, led Tom here today.

 

“I think I'll take that help now.”

 

The ice thawed just slightly, allowing me to see a little of what lay beyond it, swirling about in his mind. Fury at the sight of my previous lover touching me. Possessiveness, his instincts on fire at the sight of what he perceived as a threat handling me and our child and just beneath that, buried down where he refused to acknowledge,  _fear_ . Fear that the progress we had made would be destroyed. That I would come to resent him again, perhaps even resent our child. That I would leave. He took my arm under Voldemort's cold stare though my little Earl did a fantastic job of roping him into an engaging conversation about his new regime, the laws he had employed since his take over and where the Muggle Queen fit into his plans. Merlin, did I love that boy. Sebastian's arm wound around my waist and the moment he touched me, I felt our baby kick. Kick hard. A small sound of discomfort escaped me and immediately, I had three pairs of worried, alarmed eyes on me. A roll of my eyes was all they got in return.

 

“Down, boys. I'm not keeling over, it's just the baby kicking.” I drawled without heat. Ciel's attention turned away but Tom's remained. Sebastian was on me without missing a beat, the ever attentive father and partner.

 

“You need rest, Harry. And food would not go remiss either.” To be truthful, a pounding headache was beginning to build behind my eyes but I waved him off. It didn't take a genius to see why. My eyes found Tom's. There was a fear of my own dancing inside my chest. What if this was all just a dream? What if, when I woke up, he was gone? I feared that if I took my eyes off of him for a moment, this would all just evaporate and prove to be nothing more than fantasy.

 

The Dark Lord gave me a reassuring smile that only made my chest constrict painfully. The baby inside me began to kick out, almost desperately, as if my infant could feel my distress. Sebastian's hand seemed to clench on my waist, nearly spasmed at my side. Before my eyes, Voldemort's expression broke into a wary, confused surprise. All the while, the kicks continued against my insides frantically.

 

“Harry, stop it.” Sebastian's voice, his order, snapped through the haze that had started to cloud my mind. Just in time apparently. The skin of my hand in his, I could see, had started to glow. My eyes had faded to shiny black as my demonic nature had begun to surface.

 

Distress. That's what this strange sensation I was experiencing was. I was in distress. Tom reached out to me, ignoring the warning hiss that my sire grated out when he approached, and tilted my head up. My focus zeroed in on him once again.

 

“I will be here when you wake, Harry. That is a promise. Have I ever lied to you?” No, no he hadn't. Not once. Never. “Rest, as your sire says. Earl Phantomhive will keep me company while you sleep.”

 

I relented at last and reluctantly, I allowed the butler supporting me to lead me to our room in silence. Without a word, Sebastian fed me one more soul, when had he collected that one?, and sent me into a magic induced sleep. The last thing I knew was the feel of his own mind brushing my side of our connection like some dark cat in the shadows.

 

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Yeeeessssss! Gotta love that character development! :D

 

Disclaimer: Nope.

Warning: Slash, Mpreg, Dub-Con. Really do I still need to even bother telling you this stuff by now?

 

Chapter Sixteen... **_“_ _The times we were happy together are worth the times I cry alone.”-Unknown_**

 

"I can see why he loves you so much." The Dark Lord said suddenly, smiling darkly. Truthfully, he was surprised that the demon had left him, a virtual unknown, alone with his master but he supposed that the draw of his child's mother was nigh impossible to ignore.   
  
This child...This Slytherin in the making with that dark look in his eyes and his so grown up mannerisms. He reminded him so much of himself as a child. Was this boy what his and Harry's children would have been like if they had ever had the chance to have any? If the war hadn't gotten in the way and if a demon hadn't taken a shine to the teen? How long exactly had Michaelis been watching over Harry before he found the chance to tempt him into a contract? Quite some time, if the signs read correctly but only the demon himself would know for sure.  
  
Their chance for a life together had not come. It had been snatched away as deftly as the Boy Who Lived's humanity. There wouldn't be any children for them. No, instead Harry had been contracted and impregnated by another.  
  
But gods was he beautiful, even swollen and heavy with the spawn of another. Becoming a demon hadn't detracted from his stunning features, rather they had sharpened and amplified them.  
  
"You love him too." The little Lord Phantomhive said softly, almost pityingly. He didn't mind. Their situation was worth a little pity, after all.  
  
"With all that I am."

 

Ciel's smile was small, a veritable lilliputian artwork of tragedy and longing.

 

“Me too.”

.

.

**~ _“We lose ourselves in the things we love. We find ourselves there too.”-Kristin Martz_**

**.**

.

I awoke to the feeling of a hand running through my long hair. The touch was filled with affection and caring and it didn't take a giant leap of logic to figure out who it was at my side. Vaguely, the wonder of how long he had been there crossed my mind. How long had I even been asleep? My eyes opened and I looked up at Voldemort staring down at me, his eyes filled with love. My chest clenched at the sight. He cared about me so much that he had found a way to cross entire worlds to make it back to my side and here I was, pregnant with the child of another.

 

"I'm sorry..." I whispered, almost too low for human ears to hear. Then again, it had been a long time since Tom had been anything close to human. Even now, for him what was thirty years later, he had not aged a day since the day I left his side. He snorted, casting an amused eyes on my prone form.

 

"Well even for a demon, you have to sleep sometime, Potter-" Even as the words came out of his mouth, we both knew that my falling asleep was not what I was referring to.

 

"No, I mean for all of it. For Sebastian, for not... For not leaving Hogwarts when you asked me to back then. For killing you..." Definitely the killing part.

 

"It only seemed fair really," He waved off my heartfelt words with a wry grin, "After all, I started it.” An oversimplification if I had ever heard one. He had started it? Trying to kill a baby was 'starting it'. What a silly statement. What a ridiculous, beloved, precious man, “Never apologize to me or any other man for being who you are, Harry. That indomitable, beautiful, foolish Gryffindor that you are. That's the wizard I fell in love with."

 

My face broke into a shaky, watery smile, a sight that only served to both delight and sadden the man beside me.

 

“I love you too, Tom. I never stopped.”

 

' _I never would'_ went unsaid. It didn't need to be spoken out loud. He knew my soul just as intimately as I knew his. He knew that I would never be able to stop loving him, even if I had wanted to.

 

“I know.” The Dark Lord hummed, continuing to run a hand through my impossibly lengthy locks, “Your hair is so _long.”_

 

His awed expression startled a laugh from me, fortunately chasing back what could have quickly become hormonal tears.

 

“It kind of came with the species change but I’ll admit that it's grown on me.”

 

“It suits you. Really, this...all suits you. You look happy, Harry.” Did I? I suppose that I did feel happy here. Before I became a demon, all there was was the constant back and forth perception of me between Boy Savior and manipulative, undercover Death Eater. I was simultaneously adored and smeared by the world around me, even friends. All I had known since I had entered the world was hardship and fickle, fair weather companionship save for Hermione and Ron. At least until I met Tom. Tom had been the one bright star in my life despite the ill-fated star our love was born beneath.

 

“It's been a long time since I was a scared little child but it has certainly not all been bad.” I admitted, rubbing my baby bump contentedly.

 

Crimson eyes narrowed in on me, his mind suddenly focused on the situation at hand once again.

 

“How long? How long has it been for you now?”

 

And here was the heart of the matter. I suppose that I had always _suspected_ that things were different here than in my home world but to have the proof, to know that such an enormous difference was taking place, was earth shattering. For every year that passed in the Wizarding World, five years had gone by for me. I recalled being shaken by the sense of being off balance when I had first arrived in this world but never could I have guessed that it would have been such a change.

 

“One hundred and fifty-four years. That's how long it's been for me. When you said it had only been thirty-” I cut myself off, letting the horror hang in the air in the scant inches between us. The Dark Lord's handsome face slackened and fell in unrestrained, ungovernable shock. And then...

 

He laughed.

 

I couldn't decide whether to be surprised myself or just irritated. Either way, I was confused and alarmed. Whatever mix of emotion showed on my face apparently only increased the sense of hilarity for him. Tom laughed until he was literally bent over with it and I just sat there, face turning red in embarrassment and confusion. What?! Good grief, what could _possibly_ be so funny about that?! The urge to snap out at him for my sudden discomfort crossed my mind but to be honest, it was just too good to hear his laugh again. It lightened my heart too much to see him smile after all of these years. Tom, still leaned over himself, looked up at me with a grin through the long curtain of his dark hair.

 

“I'll have to admit that I am rather relieved to hear it's been so long for you.” Merlin, he's gone bonkers. Really. What a shame. Such a brilliant mind gone to waste. He held up a hand begging for patience as he tried to collect himself. That trembling smile that edged just on the border of a laugh lingered in the corners of his mouth, “Let me explain. When I arrived and saw you, pregnant and glowing with that demon and another child at your side, it ate at me. All I could think was that those thirty years I had wanted nothing but to get back to you and here you were, moved on so quickly.”

 

My embarrassment turned suddenly into a sick sort of nausea, a heart ache that I could not shake. I felt...ashamed. Ashamed that he had witnessed my happiness. Ashamed that I had felt that happiness in the face of his misery and loneliness.

 

“But now I know better. Now I understand.” His smile at me was tender and even apologetic and I had no idea why or what to make of it. His hand came to touch my cheek loving, soft as a the passing wing stroke of a moth, “You waited for me all that time, didn't you? For a century and a half you hoped and waited for me to find you until the burden became too much to bare. I know you, Harry, better than anyone. I should have known immediately that you wouldn't have just given up on me in such a short paltry time. How long ago did you and Michaelis...?”

 

Merlin, he did know me. All of those years that I had rejected Sebastian because of my love for Tom. All of that time spent alone, suffering, wishing that I would wake up and find out that it had just been a terrible dream. My smile this time was sad as I rubbed my belly.

 

“Well we're not-. Not really but...about this long ago I guess.” The words came out in a humiliating stutter as I patted the child inside of me in indication.

 

He hummed in understanding but said no more. The rest of the evening we passed by in together in that way, just sitting and talking about the crazy things that our lives had become.

.

.

_**~ “I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.”-Margaret Mitchell** _

.

.

“You must stay here for the duration of your stay, Lord Voldemort. I insist.” Ciel declared the next day as we sat down for breakfast.

 

The grinding of Sebastian's teeth was so loud I thought for sure that even the human occupants of the room could hear it. Tom turned a politely gracious nod on my youngling and it occurred to me that the two seemed to get along rather well. The thought made my heart warm. I gave Ciel a pleased smile under which he tried to hide a small blush of embarrassed delight.

 

“I accept, Earl Phantomhive, with thanks.”

 

Our visitor had been given rooms down the hall from mine and Sebastian's own, something that rankled and incensed the butler immensely. It was amazing how irate a jealous demon could get. I couldn't help but wonder a bit if Ciel was playing chummy with Tom to purposefully goad the dark man. After all, it wouldn't be the first time he had done such a thing. Ciel and Sebastian had a peculiar relationship.

 

I had to admit that I was starting to get worried about the father of my child.

 

He seemed almost...twitchy. His hands moved about as if they were just barely containing some violent and aggressive energy and that he would snap out at the slightest provocation. It reminded me of the days before my breeding cycle, back when my magic had been wonky and ridiculous and I couldn't sit still for more than a few minutes. His work had begun to suffer for it too, something that before now he had always prided himself on. The tables had been polished and buffed too hard resulting in streaks and smears, several pieces of dishware had been shattered during washing when he hadn't minded his strength well and dinner had been burned. _Burned._ Sebastian never burned anything. Everyone had assumed that it was Baldroy but I had seen the truth of it. My partner was out of sorts and the cause of his distress was sitting across the table from me only a few feet away.

 

Tea was brought out and everything looked to be its usual standard: lovely and beautifully prepared. Sebastian's cooking had inspired professional chefs to weep at their own incompetence. It seemed that he had resolved his internal troubles for the time being. At least until...Ciel took a sip of his Earl Grey contentedly, prepared to savor the flavor and aroma of bergamot, when suddenly his face screwed up in disgust and he spat the amber liquid back out into his cup. The little lord looked as if he had swallowed something green and wriggling before sucking on a lemon to cap off the unpleasantness.

 

“Sebastian! This tea is terrible! It tastes like salt!” The child fumed, glaring at the stunned butler at his side.

 

Salt in the tea? Surely not? It had been ages since Sebastian had issues making tea. Not since he had first begun to care for the Earl, in fact. I watched him make a stiff apology to his master, my worry only swelling as he excused himself to make a new pot. I felt Tom's intense gaze on me from his place across the table but I just couldn't help it. When Sebastian beat a hasty, silent retreat, I couldn't not follow him.

 

I needed to see if he was really as okay as he wanted me to believe.

 

Sure I knew that he hated Tom. It was completely understandable. We had just started making progress between us and then my previous flame shows us and I'm spending most of my time with him. Really...when I thought of it that way, I had been kind of a berk the past few days. It was rather insensitive of me, truthfully.

 

“Hey.” He turned towards me as I waddled after him. Blessedly, the hallway was empty. It was just the two of us for the first time since Tom had arrived. Sebastian's expression was carefully blank and calm though I knew, on the inside he had to be raging. I reached out to touch his arm softly, a frown decorating my own face at the sight of him so closed off from me, “Tell me your thoughts, Sebastian. Won't you share them with me?”

 

“I believe that would be unwise.” He whispered, turning back towards the kitchen to correct his failure though his feet did not move away from me. It was as if he were waiting for my censorship, for my rebuttal or taunt. In another time, I probably would have taken advantage of the opportunity but now...now it just made me feel a little sad to see him this way.

 

I reached up to touch his cheek, drawing his eyes and attention back towards my own. My emerald eyes shown with concern and sincerity. I should have expected that Tom's presence would disturb and disrupt my demonic companion. It was stupid not to see that Sebastian may be upset by it. Suddenly, I realized that I owed the father of my child an apology. My selfishness was nauseating.

 

“Sharing your feelings with me is never unwise. I...I owe you an apology, Sebastian. I was so caught up in Tom's arrival, in seeing him again, that I never stopped to think about how it may be making you feel. I'm sorry for that. I haven't been fair to you. I have blamed you for things in which there is no blame but my own. I am so sorry.” I ran my thumb over his handsome cheekbones thoughtfully, “I'm not going anywhere, you know. Not without talking to you first.” His nod of acknowledgment was slow as if he weren't sure if he trusted my heartfelt words. Nonetheless, he let me pull him down into a soft, smiling kiss.

 

It held none the of the fiery desperate passion of previous kisses. No, instead it was the soothing warmth of water over soreness. When his lips parted from mine at last, it looked as if some of the tenseness had bled away from the set of his shoulders. He was closer to the Sebastian I knew and was use to than the taut, angry being he had been since the Dark Lord's arrival. Good. I gave him a grin, “Now, go make us some delicious tea, yeah? I know it'll be just as delightful as usual. After all, you are one hell of a butler.”

 

His mouth, so accustomed to being pressed into an angry line since our guest arrived, curled up into a slow, amused smirk. Sebastian bowed gracefully, white gloved hand resting on his chest graciously.

 

“Indeed I am, my little raven.”

 


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Woah. I wrote two chapters in one night. It's 3:30 am and all I want to do is start on the third. XD

 

Disclaimer: Nope.

Warnings: Slash, Mpreg, Dub-Con.

 

Chapter Seventeen... ****_“_ _What is it?'_ _'_ _Nothing. I had a bad dream.'_ _  
'_ _What did you dream about?'_ _'_ _Nothing.'_ _  
'_ _Are you okay?'_ _'_ _No.'_ _  
_ _He put his arms around him and held him. 'It's okay', he said._ _  
_ _I was crying. 'But you didn’t wake up.'_ _  
'_ _I'm sorry. I was just so tired.' 'I meant in the dream.”_ _  
_ _―_ _Cormac McCarthy_ _,_[ _The Road_](http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/3355573)

 

The next day, Ciel and Sebastian were called away on a case. Some body found floating in the Thames that the Queen's butler, a man in white to Sebastian's black, a man who inspired an instinctual aversion within me for reasons unknown, wished for them to investigate. I deplored the man. No...no that wasn't right. I didn't hate him. I _feared_ him. Feared him so deeply that on the few occasions that he had come to the manor, I had covered my belly protectively and slipped off to hide in our rooms. I didn't want to leave Ciel alone with that strange, terrible man and his empty smiles but I knew that I could trust Sebastian to care for him. I could trust him with Ciel's life.

 

The thought had never occurred to me to wonder who I could trust with Sebastian's life. Not until he didn't come home with his master that night.

 

The child was cursing up an unflattering storm when he came through the door, escorted by the young Inspector from Scotland Yard. The moment I saw them coming, I was quick to throw up my public glamour, much to the amusement of my beloved Dark Lord. The worry that suddenly overtook me kept me from even being abashed about having to parade about as a woman in front of him. My little one looked in such a state that, the moment he walked through the door, I couldn't help but throw my arms around him and immediately begin checking for hurts.

 

“I am well, Harry, honestly. The Inspector was kind enough to see me home safely, though I am unfortunately unable to shake the loyal dog of the Yard until the time they see fit to clear my name.” The boy bit out furiously.

 

Clearly the evening had gone terribly wrong. The Earl was undamaged but no amount of casting my eyes and more otherworldly senses about could turn up the butler who had remained a constant at his side.

 

“Please forgive the late hour, Mrs. Michaelis. I hope that my presence will not cause you any undo stress in your fragile condition.” Abberline's voice was kind and calm as he helped me up from the kneeling position I had fallen into to examine my tiny lord. I looked at him with a frown, my sudden anxiety growing bit by bit each moment. My emerald eyes turned back to Ciel desperately, unable to understand what exactly had occurred that was so terrible that it would pull Sebastian from his side.

 

“Where is he?” I whimpered, my voice almost a whisper.

 

Ciel's expression darkened further as Tom eased me from the Inspector with a nod of thanks, leaning me back against him for comfort. I appreciated the gestured but I would have appreciated my sire's presence even more. This was all wrong. Sebastian was always here. Surely something hadn't happened? He was a demon for Merlin's sake!

 

“Sebastian has been arrested. They have locked him in the Tower of London until such a time that we can discover the true perpetrator of these crimes against the Crown.” Abberline once again offered helpfully.

 

' _Locked in the Tower being tortured_ ', went without saying though to us all the hidden meaning was clear. I felt cold. The thought of Sebastian being tortured was almost too much for me to bear. He was hurt. Hurt because he was doing a job that I insisted he complete by finishing out his contract. But...if Sebastian had not stepped in to offer himself as the veritable lamb to slaughter, would the men of the Yard have taken Ciel as planned? Would my youngling be there in his place, a child being tormented at the order of a terrifying man and his Queen? Sebastian had gone in Ciel's place to be tortured. He had protected his master by offering himself up. My thoughts wound round in a circle, pinwheels of disaster and horror that I simply could not shake free of.

 

I must have made a sound off distress because suddenly, a small hand slipped into my own, squeezing mine in a reassuring grip. A single cerulean eyes looked up at me so filled to bursting with determination that I couldn't help but feel a little reassured at the sight of it.

 

“I will get him back to you, Harry. I promise you that.”

 

Tom agreed to the resolute vow, his eyes taking in my pale and wane form with the eyes of someone watching something profound unfold before him. What that expression meant for our future, if anything, I could not know.

 

Sebastian returned to us by the next night and the first thing he did was come and lay a protective hand on my belly, reassuring himself that we were both okay. And we were. Now that he was home, everything would be fine.

.

.

~ ** _“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”-Kahlil Gibran_**

.

.

Tom had been with us for a week when he came to me with the news that it was time for him to go home.

 

“I know that you have to go...but I wish you could stay.” We sat alone in the nursery, watching Finnian and Pluto run about on the distant hill laughing and playing through the window. It was hard not to feel envious of their carefree day. If only I could feel so at ease. I handed him the newly folded stack of nappies which he dutifully put away in the cabinet of the little changing table at his back.

 

“As do I...but my empire awaits and soon you'll be too busy to worry about missing me. You'll be bringing that little one into the world and your time will be entirely full for the next century or so.” He teased with a wry grin. Even when he laughed, the expression seemed just the slightest bit sad to me. Tom kneeled down in front of me where I sat in the mahogany rocking chair miserably, rubbing soothing circles over my belly to comfort myself.

 

The baby was kicking a lot more these days and the kicks only grew more frequent and violent when I felt distress. Could my child sense my own emotional turmoil? It had happened the day that Tom arrived too when I had begun to lose control. Now the activity was more marked as my pregnancy progressed.

 

“Anyways, you didn't think that I would go without leaving you something to remember me by, did you?” Now that sparked my interest. After all, I liked presents just as much as the next person and they had been few and far between even when I was human.

 

From within the folds of his robe, he retrieved a small, shrunken trunk. It was scuffed, beat up and showed obvious wear but the sight of it brought a beaming smile to my face. My old school trunk. All these years he had held onto it.

 

“I added a few things at my leisure.” He said by way of explanation when I opened it to find, not my school books and clothes as I had expected, but an assortment of journals, albums and other odds and ends.

 

Some of the albums were filled with newspaper clippings: highlights of what had been going on in the world since my departure. Others were filled with pictures and hallmarks from my loved ones. There was the snitch that I had caught in my first Quidditch match and a tiny urn that had the engraved image of my snowy white owl on the front of it. I ran my fingers over the picture sadly, wondering after all this time, what had happened to my dear friend. Tom seemed to sense my melancholy and so took up the commentary on the box's contents once more.

 

“I took care of her after you left. She was well cared for, I promise you, and in fact lived to a ripe old age. She is the great grandmother to my own owl now, Simeon.” My melancholy faded into a fond smile. That was good. Hedwig had found a mate and lived a long and happy life.

 

Now if only I could manage the same.

 

Wrapped securely up inside of my father's Invisibility cloak was a smaller box with contents both precious and alarming. Inside, laying snuggly against the leather cover of my family photo album, was the Gaunt Ring, still cracked and marred but this time strung on the chain of the Slytherin locket in such a way that the ring slid over the top of the egg-shaped locket to almost cup it. The book of fairy tales we had read on that fondly remembered day in the fairy field held court beneath them. Tom's school diary was there as well, the hole repaired but it's aged pages filled with the tiny scrawl of its owner. Each journal entry was dated and it began the day after I had disappeared from the Wizarding World. It turned out that the journals were all of similar ilk. Each day, Tom had written letters, sometimes to me and other times mere musings on paper. Some were simply his thoughts on the goings on around him but other journals contained more specific information, including the details of the ritual he had used to find me here. With a bittersweet smile, he slipped the ring and locket duo over my head so that it rested neatly, just above the swell of my belly. Already, I knew that I would keep it with me always. It seemed so right that it should be there, with me at the end of things. The last item in the small box gave me such pause that when I lifted it out with a trembling hand, I threw Voldemort a confused, bewildered stare.

 

“It never really worked well for me anyways. You are its true master, Harry. You defeated me. It is your right to have it. Besides, it would do my heart good to know that you are better protected when I'm gone.” The Elder Wand pulsed with a seemingly joyful pulse at being reunited with my hand. Its purr was an audible thing.

 

It must have taken quite some time for Tom to be willing to part with such an artifact. He nodded, pleased, when I added it to the Demon Sheath inside my wrist, nestled happily at the side of my faithful holly wand. All of this...it was remarkable. The warmth in my heart could have melted an iceberg.

 

“You kept all of this stuff with you...just in case you found me?”

 

He shrugged nonchalantly but the glimmer in his eyes showed what he had felt every time he had slipped the shrunken trunk into his pocket in preparation for this day: Hope.

 

“Well, I knew that it was a matter of when, not if. I _am_ a magical genius, if you'll recall.” And oh, so humble, too. He hummed, silent for a long breath, before continuing, “Harry, after I'm gone, I want you to agree to be Michaelis's mate.”

 

The sudden conversation change took me so off guard that I physically startled. Gaping at the man in front of me, I sputtered in astonishment. But he wasn't joking. There was no sense of humor on his stoic, serious face. Only sincerity.

 

“You have to be taking the mickey out of me.”

 

Clearly he wasn't.

 

“Harry, blind and Deaf people in Siberia could see how much he cares about you. Your baby is going to be born in no time at all and I think you care about him too, even if it is still fragile and new. I don't want you to spend the rest of your immortal life pining away for me when there is someone right in front of your silly Gryffindor nose that adores you. I don't want you to be alone. I want to know that you are happy and taken care of when I'm gone. Do you understand?”

 

Understand? Yes...but I wish that I didn't. My breath came shakily now and the baby was kicking out in alarm as if my bladder had mortally offended and needed to be challenged to a duel before the slight could be overcome. My heart was hammering like the ticking seconds of a clock going by. Why did things have to be this way? Why couldn't we all just...just _stay_? Why did things always have to be one or other? Never both? It wasn't fair. Tears prickled and began filling my eyes but, to his credit, he only smiled kindly and wiped the salty tracks away as each fell away from emerald pools to their doom.

 

“Promise me something then? Promise me that you will come back and see me one more time before you...”

 

I couldn't even bring myself to say something as horrible as 'before your life is over'. The words caught and crumbled in my throat like soggy paper. Their meaning was understood perfectly, though, and Voldemort's smile morphed into a mischievous grin.

 

“Oh, don't think you're getting away that easily. I have an entire trunk load of those feathers left. You can expect me at least every two years. Count on it. Well, two years my time. The Dark Lord of the New United Wizarding World doesn't have time to just take vacations here and there, you know.”

 

My laugh bounced around the walls of the nursery like sunlight.

.

.

~ **_“_ _The general fact is that the most effective way of utilizing human energy is through an organized rivalry, which by specialization and social control is, at the same time, organized co-operation.”-Charles Horton Cooley_**

.

.

Sebastian stood at the door of the nursery, watching with fond exasperation as Harry read to both his unborn child and the intrigued Earl from the book of Wizarding nursery rhymes from the trunk the Dark Lord had brought. At last, the odious man was leaving and the demon would not be saddened in the slightest to see his back leaving Phantomhive Manor. This was _his_ territory. _His_ child. _His mate._ And no one was going to take that from him. Soft purposeful footsteps echoed down the hall behind him and he could have hissed in frustration. Speak of the bleeding Devil.

 

“I believe you and I are long overdue for a conversation, demon.” How tempting it was to just snap this pathetic Wizards neck and be done with it all. Sebastian had returned him from the dead and he could certainly send him back. Harry would never forgive him though. The marking he could forgive but killing Voldemort? That was a line that even he didn't dare cross. The only response the butler gave the hated man was a glance of acknowledgment which served as license to get the Dark Lord talking.

 

"I have been accused of many things in my lifetime, demon, but being a fool is not one of them. I would be a fool not to see how happy Harry is here. He loves being away from the pressures of his name. He loves your master and adores the child he carries. I think he even holds some affection for you though why is beyond me but... I think that I can appreciate it even if I can't understand it.” Oh? How unexpected. Sebastian had expected some threat, some declaration of protection that would be mean to shake him in his boots but would inevitably fall flat. This strange, half-hearted show of support for his relationship with Harry came completely from left field, “After all, he fell in love with _me_ , didn't he? And I can honestly say that I probably deserved his love even less than you do. I murdered his parents, his teacher. It was because of me that he lived the sort of life he did. Yet, he gave his love to me. Harry is...dynamic and as free and ever changing as the wind, even when he is shackled." In all of the philosophies of the Earth, in all of the faiths, religions and sciences, truer words had never been spoken.

 

“You don't wish to try and take him back to his home world?” It was the most he had spoken to their guest in the entire time he had been visiting.

 

Voldemort looked on the adorable scene in the room ahead with affection and the strangest sense of mourning about him. Harry had mourned for him. Hell, it had taken a century and a half for him to get past the mourning yet the Dark Lord had not really had the chance. Not really. Tom had not had the benefit of one-hundred and fifty years to get passed their relationship. He had a long and difficult time ahead of him. Sebastian couldn't find it in himself to feel sorry for the man.

 

"I know that Harry will always love me. I also know that to take him back to the Wizarding world now would only bring him misery. So... For the time being, I will have to leave him in your capable hands and hope that you don't ruin him in the meantime."

 

Protect him. Care for him. Love him when I can't be here to. The things that he couldn't or wouldn't say out loud rang true in the air between them. A small sneer folded its way onto Sebastian's lips when he realized with frustration that he and Voldemort had found a timid sort of understanding between them. How unfortunate. Nonetheless, the demon gave the Dark Lord a nod of assent, a powerful, nonverbal agreement passing between the two of them. A vow based on a foundation of love for a strange, kind, beautiful demon named Harry.

 


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Okay, so this week, I'll be posting both my SupernaturalXHP fics and this one on Ao3! Have no fear, dear readers, I will still be posting it here, BUT, as many of you have expressed interest in having copies of your favorite fics to read offline (something I do myself), I have found getting them from Ao3 is very simple. A) Because FFN does not have copy/paste enabled and B) Ao3 not only has copy/paste enabled but it also has a fancy, convenient Download feature on each story. So for those of you who want copies of your favorite fanfics, that site is a great place to go for them.

 

Chapter Eighteen... _“_ ** _There are many forms of love and affection, some people can spend their whole lives together without knowing each other's names. Naming is a difficult and time-consuming process; it concerns essences, and it means power. But on the wild nights who can call you home? Only the one who knows your name.”-_ _Jeanette Winterson_**

 

I hissed at the feeling of hands slipping beneath my hurting body and lifting me into strong arms. I was so sore that I didn't even care that it was Michaelis carrying me bridal style towards the bathroom. My muscles were clenched tight, painful aches echoing throughout my senses like voices in a cavern. This past week had not been easy on me and now that Tom was leaving tomorrow morning, my entire being thrummed with tension. My hand rubbed calming circles on my gently sloping, swollen belly to ease both myself and the kicking child within me.

 

“This is all your fault, you know.” I groused irritably and moaned delightedly when the butler eased me into a bathtub filled with steaming hot water.

 

Sebastian smirked, removing his outer jacket and gloves and rolling up his sleeves. The bastard was entirely too smug about the entire thing. I splashed a little water his way in retaliation but his grin only grew.

 

“It is, isn't it? How delightful.”

 

He eased the now soaked robe off of my shoulders, fingers brushing lightly, almost affectionately, down the contract mark on my back. There was a sharp biting comment on the tip of my tongue but as soon as Sebastian's hands began massaging the knots and kinks from my muscles, it was lost entirely in the bliss coursing through me. He worked on my back first, my shoulders, then my hips. His arms slid up to rub my arms and chest, giving pleased hums of approval with each sigh and groan of contentment that issued forth from my mouth. I was a puddle of goo by the time he had finished his ministrations, his hand that held his contract mark tracing patterns and looping designs over my stomach gently. His grin had fallen away to be replaced by something contemplative, a deep brooding.

 

“You think I'm a monster. That I'm cold and cruel always but it doesn't have to be that way. I would care for you if you would let me.” My lazy emerald orbs opened to look up at his rusty brown, confusion and nervousness warring within me. This...this tenderness didn't match with the Michaelis that I knew. It was uncharacteristic and strange. Was he putting on an act? Was this all because of Voldemort's presence in our home? Or had the situation changed for him now that I was carrying his child? His smirk returned as wickedly sharp as a scorpion's tail striking without warning, “Don't misunderstand, my little raven. We will never have a soft and gentle romance. We will never have such a pitifully human concept. It will be rough and bloody. It will be possessive and difficult and fraught with dominance and power plays. But I will be a good mate and a good provider. I will take care of you and of our child.” He said frankly and succinctly.

 

I could read between the lines of his words and considered them heavily. I wouldn't ever be human again and I should let go of my human life. We would never have what Voldemort and I had. Our affection would never be the sweet, light-hearted honey that I shared with the Dark Lord. We had made peace with what had been laid before us. Even though Tom would always be my heart's love, maybe there was room for a few more loves beside him. Sebastian would never replace Voldemort. He wanted me to understand that what we would have would not be the same, that he didn't want to replace Tom and override what he and I had once had. Sebastian wanted, instead, to create a different type of tenderness altogether. Could I love them both equally but differently? Maybe. Was it worth trying? My eyes found the sight of his marked hand on my swollen belly and released a shuddering breath. I had to believe it was. For my baby. For Ciel.

 

“And for Ciel?” My whispered inquiry seemed to take him off guard and he began to lift me from the cooling bathwater calmly. How long had I been in there now?

 

“I won't devour him, you've made sure of that.” Was that a hint of a pout in his voice? “You wish to keep him around? Even with his soul intact, he will eventually age and die, Samael.” Instead of drying me off or letting me do so myself, Michaelis instead took a seat on the floor, setting me down in his lap with a big fluffy white towel draped over my shoulders lazily. It seemed that he was content to sit and explore the gentle roundness of my stomach to his leisure now that his young master was asnooze in bed.

 

There was something fascinating about the contrast of his Faustian Seal and the paleness of my skin. Black nails trailing and tracing over my skin, knowing that it was his odd way of connecting with the babe within, bonding with his offspring. It was sweet, I thought with a small inward smile.

 

“I was thinking more of expanding our little family, actually.” Who could fault me for my hesitant words? I had already put the butler in a punishing situation. Without consuming Ciel's soul, Sebastian was trapped as his butler until the boy's death or, like he had done with me, until he was turned. If Ciel was made into a demon, the butler would be freed of his servanthood but in the same breath he would still be stuck with him as his child. His look of incredulity had me fumbling to explain myself, suddenly feeling exposed and embarrassed at myself, “I...want him, Sebastian. He's mine, just like this baby is mine. _Ours._ I just want to take care of him...Please?” It would have to be Michaelis to do the turning, after all. I was too experienced with such things and would probably kill the boy by accident if I tried.

 

The father of my child sighed heavily, though a certain wickedness slinked quickly back into his eyes and the rusty orbs began to bleed into a slitted crimson. I could feel my own changing in response, entirely outside of my control. Fingers wound into my hair, massaging sensitive scalp, nails digging in here and there somehow only increasing the pleasant sensation on my skin.

 

“You really wish to make him ours? To bind yourself to me further with another child?”

 

The candles began to sputter around the room and fail without warning, choked out by the sudden maliciousness filling the bathroom. Sebastian's human visage began to melt away, shedding the disguise as crow feathers began to fall and take the image with them. Once this would have worried me but now the feel of this form only made a pleasant shiver race down my spine. The child inside me seemed to sense its parent's power too because a throb of energy not my own jolted through my body like a lightening bolt. It sent me curling over, a cry jerked out from my chest. I buried my face in Sebastian's shoulder, leather and feathers combining against my oversensitive flesh into a delightful sort of sharp softness. The demon laughed darkly, tilting my head back so that he could once more look into my eyes, forcing me to look at him. Did he expect me to cringe away from his true form simply because I didn't shift to my own? Surely not. Maybe he wanted to remind me of what he really was before I committed to this course of action.

 

I wasn't sure about Ciel, but I never deluded myself by forgetting what Sebastian was. He had bound me to him by contract after all. He was my sire. But did that mean that had to be the sum of our relationship together? As he had said, he was a good protector and provider, I never doubted that. He was infuriating and possessive but let no one say that he would be a poor father or partner. I shed my own human form in answer to his unspoken challenge, my hair lengthening and skin glowing, capturing and drawing in every mote of light that could be found. My teeth and nails sharpened slightly though not nearly as dramatically as his own did. Sebastian's token animal was a predator and a scavenger. He was made for rending flesh and souls. Mine was far more discreet and no one would ever mistake me for controlling a predator. Everything about me, even my more viscous features seemed soft.

 

“I don't think it would a fate worst than death.”

 

A deep chuckle rumbled through the chest beneath me.

 

“Well I think we can work something out. A new contract perhaps?” His smirk was lethal and I didn't even fight not to roll my eyes. Oh, come on! By the time this was all said and done, I was going to be practically polka-dotted with Faustian Seals!

 

“You've already gotten me knocked up, you dunce. What more could you want from me?” Other than my agreeing to mate of course. That was something that was still on the drawing board of my brain at the moment. Weighing the options, the pros and cons and my own feelings for him.

 

Sebastian was silent, almost melancholy for along moment and I knew. I knew that he wanted to ask for a mating, a true partnership between us, but he knew that all he would receive in return was rejection. The thought hurt me inside, to know that he wanted so badly to ask but experience had told him that all he would get for his efforts was disparagement. So instead, he asked me simply:

 

“Say my name.”

 

The knowledge that the one request was all he felt that he could get from me, despite everything he continued to do for me everyday, made me feel heart sick. Maybe...maybe rethinking my position on mating wouldn't be such a bad thing. But I didn't want to be mated to someone that I would forever be lesser than. The contract marks between us made sure that he would always be master of me, no matter if we were mates or not. Did I want to eternally be trapped as his servant? No, no I didn't. The very thought filled me with dread, brought back images of my life growing up, always beneath someone thumb, always lesser than instead of equal to. I wanted a partner, not a master.

 

For the moment, all I could do to ease his pain was whisper, pant and cry out his true name like a litany, over and over until my voice ran out entirely. _Malphas_.

.

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~  **_“_ _Love, like truth and beauty, is concrete. Love is not fundamentally a sweet feeling; not, at heart, a matter of sentiment, attachment, or being 'drawn toward.' Love is active, effective, a matter of making reciprocal and mutually beneficial relation with one's friends and enemies.”-_ [ _ Carter Heyward  _ ](http://www.searchquotes.com/quotes/author/Carter_Heyward/) **

**.**

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Two days later, Tom returned to his own world in a flash of white light. We had all stepped out onto the back patio to see him off though Sebastian looked as if he had other places that he would rather be. Around my neck hung the clunky locket with my miniaturized trunk inside, the Gaunt ring catching and refracting the light eerily in the sun. It was a bittersweet moment for me.

 

On one hand, Tom was gone. Who knew if he would be able to successfully replicate the ritual used to get him here again. The only way I would know was if he did or didn't show up in ten years. My heart ached to see him go.

 

On the other hand, the relief on Sebastian's countenance was a palpable thing to those who knew what to look for. It was as if a great weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. I could practically feel everything going back to normal, back to the way it was before my beloved Dark Lord had shown up on our doorstep.

 

Tom's last parting comment to us before he had disappeared had made me grin through my sadness.

 

“I fully expect to be made Godfather, Harry!”

 

Sebastian snorted disdainfully now that his rival for my attentions was gone.

 

“Not likely.” He groused, his voice colored with annoyance even though his face shown with relaxation at last. It had been a long week and a half for my companion.

 

“Oh, I don't know. It could be good. Tom and Undertaker would make brilliant Godparents!” I teased him, grinning with a strange, unexplainable sort of ease of my own. My tone was playful but the idea certainly had merit. The moment the words had spilled from my mouth it was as if a tiny light bulb had gone off in my brain. Why hadn't I thought of that before?

 

“You must be joking. In the event that something happens to us, you want those two taking care of our child?”

 

“Well with a Reaper and a Dark Lord protecting them, we definitely know our baby would be safe.”

 

“Very safe. They would also be sleeping in a coffin and goodness only knows what else.”

 

Ciel was already safely ensconced inside in the warmth but neither Sebastian nor I were in any hurry to leave the patio. We weren't affected by the chill and somehow, it just felt nice to stand here together. There was no pressure to speak, no need to do anything but appreciate one another's presence. He stood at my side as we both stared off into the garden, seemingly lost in our separate thoughts. It felt good to be here with him and Tom's sincere request came back to me in this peaceful moment.

 

My emerald eyes slid over to my companion only to find him quietly observing me himself with a calm, truly tranquil now, rust hued gaze. I gave my baby bump a content rub, drawing an amused smirk from the demon beside me.

 

“Will you do something for me, Sebastian?”

 

A fine obsidian eyebrow arched questioningly but he nodded without hesitation.

 

“Anything, Harry. You've only to name it.”

 

I stretched the hand that wasn't cradling my belly out towards him, a fond smile sliding over my face. He took in the expression as if he would commit the loving sight to memory, savor and examine it when no one else was around in the dead of the night. His gloved hand took mine with a near timid reluctance like he didn't trust the sudden magnanimity so soon after Tom's departure.

 

“Be my mate?”

 

The mix of emotion that suddenly shot through his eyes and dominated his face was all the reassurance I needed that I had made the right choice. I would have to thank Tom later. Shock, desire, wariness and most fetching of all, _hope_. Sebastian didn't dare take my word for it right off hand. Not after so many years of rejections and anger. Not after my beloved Voldemort had just spent the week with me. But...it was all of those things that made me realize that this, that Sebastian, was what I wanted with my unnaturally long life. 

 

He had held his tongue in the face of Tom's presence because he didn't want to upset me. He had let me rage at him before my breeding cycle and had eased my suffering during those torturous weeks. Ever since I had found out I was carrying his child, he had seen to my every need whether it be hunting for food or the odd massage in the evenings. Voldemort's visit had only made it clear what a good man Sebastian was...and how unfair I had been to him all this time.

 

His hand in mine clenched, almost of a spasm of pent in emotion, but he pushed past it. As he kneeled in front of me, my hand still wrapped within his own, his smile was small but the feelings behind it were clear as day within his gaze. My knees felt weak at the stunning sight.

 

“Nothing would please me more, my raven.”

 

And for once, without even having to ponder it over, I believed him.

 


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Okay, so I'll be honest. **This chapter is mostly sex. There is some fluffy, heartfelt moments but the bulk of it is lemon so if you don't want to read it, then skipping this chapter won't hinder your ability to understand the next.**

 

Chapter Nineteen... **_“_ _Sex is more than an act of pleasure, its' the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you're a part of them._ _”-Unknown_**

 

Our mating was gasoline on the surface of a stream. It was a rainbow of heat, desire and mutually-destructive need. Sebastian eased me down onto our bed, mindful as ever of our growing child within me. Ciel had been put to bed and now the night was ours. Outside of the window, my sensitive hearing could pick up the shuffling of pitch wings and around the candelabra on the bedside, three of my eclipse had turned out to witness our joining. Perhaps I would have felt nervous, like some foolish girl on her wedding night, if it had been anytime before now, but I wasn't. This was good. Correct. It was meant to be. To my soon-to-be-mate's pleasure, I was the first to shed my humanity, as eager for our union as he was. When he allowed his true form to fold away the carefully constructed guise he surrounded himself with daily, my hands were already snaking up his chest, greedily drinking in the sight of him. The candles sputtered and died on the bedside table.

 

“How you could ever think that this form of yours is distasteful is beyond me.” My words were hissed appreciatively, bordering just this side of parseltongue. Crimson eyes dilated in desire at the sound.

 

It was strange to me how he could find the snake language so arousing. Then again, I didn't have to understand it, I just had to use it. Different folks and different strokes and all that rot.

 

“Yes, well...I suppose that some good can come out of it every now and then.”

 

Truer words had never been uttered, I thought when feathers and leather slid over the skin of my arms. Long black, pointed nails traced complex patterns and runes over exposed skin taunting and teasing my flesh into raised goosebumps. A wicked tongue lapped out, its surface smooth and untextured, tracing my lips like a child with a crayon, staying within the lines. A demon had no need for taste buds, after all. Not when it was human souls we consumed. I could still remember the feel of mine falling off during my change. The memory tore a shudder from me and I captured his mouth with my own quickly to chase it back. My hand slinked around his neck to pull him closer, much to the dominant demon's delight. Malphas nipped at my bottom lip lightly, punishing and playful all at once.

 

Skilled, deft fingers saw me out of every scrap of fabric that lingered on my body. The cool night air tore a sigh from my throat. Briefly and ever so softly, my companion leaned down to nuzzle and caress my swollen belly, wrapping his Stygian wings around us in added protection. A pulse of dark, hungry power shot through my stomach and I jerked, gasping out a whimper of alarm. Sebastian chuckled, the sound bordering on ecstatic madness, a barely controlled energy that would not abate, boiling beneath the surface of him.

 

“Relax, Samael. All is well. I was feeding our child a portion of my power, that is all. It will help the bond between us develop as well as the baby's own latent demonic energy. It is good for them.”

 

Relax, I did. I trusted Sebastian. Trusted his word and his strength. I trusted him with me, with Ciel and with our baby. I hummed curiously, stroking my belly with consideration.

 

“Should I start doing that too?”

 

Crimson eyes looked up at me, half-lidded with desire as if his mind were already on much more devious things than our growing infant. Proof of that belief came when skilled hands slid down my body to clutch at pale, glowing thighs, grinding down on me with his own arousal evident.

 

“No, your bond with the child is strong already. You share your body so your magic is shared between you evenly and constantly.” I hated how calm and collected he could sound while causing such delicious friction between us. Apparently, he could be one hell of a lover, too, “Now, my little raven, enough baby talk. It's time to share your body with  _ me _ .” I didn't bother mentioning that it was sharing my body with him that had gotten me pregnant to begin with and that I was hardly his 'little raven' anymore since I was carrying around what amounted to a melon on my front. I couldn't have gotten this little witticism out if I had tried, in any case. Once Sebastian began to litter my skin with nips, bites and licks, all thought of speech went right out the door. All but the name spilling out of me like a song stuck on repeat.

 

If I had thought the sex during my breeding cycle was good, it had nothing on the sensations of a full mating.

 

Everything was more intense. Kisses were electricity, touches were flame. My veins pumped acid and all I could do was to submit to this wondrous, powerful creature that had chosen me for his own. Doing anything but submitting seemed like a ridiculous notion to my instinct driven, lust soaked mind. I would be his. I would belong to Malphas but...He would be mine too. The contract ensured that I remained a servant to him but the costs were not outweighed by the benefits, I had decided. I would never be equal to Sebastian but...I think I could perhaps put that fact aside for now. When he finally moved inside of me, I really thought that I might die from the shock of electricity on my brain. I would just seize up and shrivel into nothing once these feelings were done. All that would be left behind would be a rumpled, Harry Potter shaped husk.

 

This had to be magic. Some kind of demonic- oh,  _ Merlin _ . There were tiny imploding stars on every nerve ending and appreciation for the quick Silencing Charm that had gone up before we had begun coursed through me. Otherwise, it wouldn't just be Ciel hearing my screams, it would be all of London. Pleasure began to build and build, the pressure of it filling up within my every inch. I made nail tracks and bite marks of my own on every piece of skin that I could reach. Suddenly, just before my heart would surely give out, my completion arrived with the force of a great wave of elation and desire. All of the sensations cascaded over me at once. It almost blocked out the feeling of a pair of razor sharp incisors piercing the tender flesh of my neck. Almost. Miraculously though, the pain, instead of halting the waves of pleasure beating down on my cerebrum, only forced a second orgasm from my heaving, sweat covered body. That and the heat flooding my insides as Malphas found his own satiation, of course. 

 

I didn't think that I could move a single finger so spent was my body. To my soft-hearted delight, the fierce demon curled me up against him a moment later, already working out invisible knots and soreness that he imagined were forming. Not that I minded of course. I was still working down from the coital high and the contrast of firm and feather-light touches felt phenomenal. The trickle of blood from my new mating mark tickled my collarbone and I made to swipe it away, shocked to find that my hand were shaking. Nails gently scraped across my belly, pushing another bout of power inside to our child. A sigh of blissful contentment bubbled up from my chest.

 

When was the last time that I felt this good? There was a serene satisfaction about me now when I thought of what my life had become. Something else was clawing to the surface too. Something indomitable which would not be ignored. I turned my head lethargically behind to where my mate spooned me from behind and captured elated and gratified crimson eyes.

 

“Sebastian?”

 

“Yes, my little raven?”  _ My mate. My joy. My warmth. Mine own. _

 

“I'm hungry.” We were hungry. As the hunger began to build in me, I could feel those flutters beneath my hand that was our child's only way of communicating it's need.

 

My declaration startled a laugh from the butler that tinged with the caws of his familiars from outside the windows. I suppose food didn't make for good pillow talk, did it? But that was okay, right? After all, Sebastian and I were a mated pair now. It was our demonic equivalent of marriage, companionship for our eternal lives. Like his crow familiars, demons mated for life. Malphas ran his hand through my hair, using his long black nails to work out the tangles and snags that were the bane of any lengthy locks. I could have purred. It was nice to be pampered for once and not feel the need to resist or guilt over it. For once, I could allow myself to simply  _ be _ , to enjoy the treatment.

 

“Well, we can't have that, can we, my mate?” His wings came to surround me again, to cradle and protect. Surprising and delighting him, I caught the soft appendage in my hand and delivered it an affectionate kiss. It may not happen soon but one day, I would show Sebastian how to see the wonder and beauty in his true form. That was something that I had learned in both lives. Love who you are truly, not who others want to see you as. But in the meantime, I would have to love this body of his enough for the both of us.

 

“Hm, no. I can't say your baby would appreciate that much, huh?”

 

“Certainly not,” He scoffed, waved off my playful statement with a dismissive wave of his elegant, pale hand, “I shall go out immediately and hunt for you. Hunger will not do for either of you at all.”

 

Occasionally, a moment arises in life, an opportunity presents itself, in which you are aware that a turning point is taking place. They are few and far between. Normally, you don't know that something has been irrevocably transformed until that change has already occurred but  _ sometimes _ , you just know it. I stood now on a precipice of happening. My decisions and reactions this night would set the foundation of what would be mine and my child's life for the centuries to come. I rolled over to face him and made my decision. 

 

“I could...go with you, maybe?” The words came out calmer than the bundle of semi-excited, half-way alarmed nerves inside of me that was the truth.

 

Never before had I offered to go with him when he sought nutrition for himself or even me. Never had I ever hunted another human being for myself. Not in a century and a half had I even once submitted to my nature enough to take the life of another person. Malphas knew this, knew my reservations about it, and stood in awe of the seemingly simple, innocuous offer. He treated my new acceptance of myself and my needs for the treasure that it was.

 

"Truly, nothing would make me happier, Samael."

 

So hunt we did. Admittedly, I had never done so before, so Sebastian delighted in teaching me how to woo and seduce men from rapist in the dark alley to business tycoon and his visiting mistress. Granted, he just about lost his ironclad self-control with the rapist when the man ran a hand up my shapely, glamoured leg and claimed that he liked his women pregnant and screaming. He hadn't been someone I minded killing in the slightest. Rather it left me with a sense of accomplishment as if I had just enacted a public service. His empty shell of a body fell to the ground and the butler materialized form the shadows, taking great delight in stomping in the center of the man's chest with a sick satisfaction. He looked at me silently, eyes filled with heat and wanting. It seemed that seeing me feed aroused that primal passion inside of him. I couldn't imagine the picture that I must make then. Cheeks flushed with the cat-like gratification of a large meal, dress hiked up my thighs from the touchy main course. The wind teased strands of my hair, sending errant strands whispering up and down in the night breeze and I was pressed back against the brick wall of the alleyway like some debauched beauty waiting for a dark lover.

 

That lover stood before me in all of his magnificence, the fire in his slitted orbs so intense that it could have been a glare in another place and time. Sebastian kneeled before me, uncaring of the filth and dirt of the street. When he shoved his face into my lap, nuzzling my awakening arousal there, I let out an undignified squeak of alarm.

 

"S-Sebastian! We're in public!"

 

My companion snorted, darting a tongue out lizard quick to lap against the fabric containing my now straining erection.

 

"It is dark, my little raven, and we are out of sight of the main thoroughfare. Besides, what do I care for silly humans when my mate can wind me into such a state just by eating?"

 

The groan I let out could and would not be contained and as he tore the offending cloth away to swallow me down, all I could do was throw up a few quick, stuttered charms. All that could be done was to let him have his taste but Merlin only knew that I certainly wasn't complaining.

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

A/n: Alright! This chapter has more humor in it than the last few so hopefully all of you will enjoy it! But appreciate the break because the next few chapters are going to get heavy! Heavier than Harry, even! Lol! ;)

 

Disclaimer: Nope.

Warning: At this point, do I really even need to bother?

 

Chapter Twenty... ** _“_ _Your husband may not be a wealth of pregnancy information, but he is a wealth of 'you' information. He probably knows you better than anyone else in this world (which means he understands your current neediness pretty well). He also probably loves you more than anyone else in this world. So, while he may not be the person to turn to if you need to know how to soothe breast tenderness, he's the perfect person to turn to when you need a hand to hold.”_ _―_ _Erin MacPherson_**

 

One month passed before Ciel gave his next call to march. The post-mating glow wore off quickly into a happy sort of routine.

 

I only wish that I could have said all was well in the Phantomhive world.

 

One night, my mate and my youngling came home late after a case. I could practically see the melancholy weighing Ciel's soul down like rocks tied to his heels, dragging him deeper beneath the waves. He did a wondrous job of hiding it from his butler but when I came to him to prepare him for bed, the truth of it came out.

 

The Inspector, Abberline, who had been so kind and considerate to me and who had brought my little one home to me even though he should have been locked up in Scotland Yard, was dead. Killed at the hands of that shady, lecherous Opium dealer, Lau. I did not judge the tiny Earl for the few tears that he shed when we were at last alone together. I did not point out his weakness. All I could do was hug him tightly, ease his pain and try to sooth the turmoil inside of him. Ciel blamed himself in some place that he tried to pretend didn't exist. That childish place within his heart that he shut up tightly around his butler, was hurting because he had deprived another child of their parent. Just like that cow Angela had done to him, he had facilitated in the murder of another child's father. The following day, it had been as if the tears had never existed but the change was there.

 

Somehow, it seemed as if a gulf had opened up between my mate and my human child. The manor felt colder, less joyful than it ever had before and for the life of me, I could not figure out how to fix it. I couldn't begin to fix the problem because I couldn't determine what was causing the coldness between the two men in my life. Sebastian was almost apathetic towards the boy suddenly and Ciel's mind was far away, elsewhere. I often caught him staring out of the window, deep in thought and nothing I did could bring him back to me in the here and now.

 

My instincts were constantly on edge now. I felt...uncertain and that made me fearful. How could I feel secure here when such an overwhelming change had occurred? When I had no idea what had brought about this vast, drastic alteration in our home life? More and more of my time was spent holed up in the nursery, seeking out solace and peace away from the two. This habit only appeared to confuse and irritate my demon mate further but I wasn't able to articulate how I felt because I didn't know how to explain it. How do you explain fear and uncertainty when you have no idea what brought it about to begin with? In the face of his annoyance, I had simply pulled all of our bedsheets and pillows into the nursery and made a little nest for myself in one corner.

 

_Safe. Clean. Silent. Back to the wall. Tucked out of sight. Easily defended against predators._

 

My due date was creeping ever closer, a mere nine weeks away. I was swollen, exhausted and afraid. Bumping into things or knocking over vases and tea trays was a constant hazard. My movements were slower and more dubious, a distinctive waddle to my frame now. I kept to the safety of the nursery most of the day now. The last time that I had ventured out into the world to visit with Undertaker, the baby had begun to kick out at his presence and a powerful contraction had seized me so hard and so suddenly that, between bouts of delighted laughter, the man had needed to settle me into on of his coffins to rest. It seemed to please and amuse Undertaker that my child seemed to be as drawn to him as I was. When I told him that I had made him Godfather, he had hummed happily in acceptance. Sebastian had been less than entertained by the revelation.

 

Now, though, I sat in a rocking chair next to Ciel, watching the servants scatter and scuttle about here and there, preparing for our journey. Who knew, Paris might be good for us. It would give an opportune chance to get the two boys back on good terms. My baby bag was tucked snugly into my lap with all of the essentials should something happen and I go into early labor. It paid to be prepared though who knew what could happen if I gave birth so early. A human infant in this day and age may not survive but a demon baby...well, we would just have to see. My face had glowed joyfully as I had packed it, even as Sebastian and Ciel stood nearby, near identical expressions of disapproval on their faces.

 

They hadn't wanted me to go. Both had known that Ciel's audience with the Queen could not lead anywhere good. Our enemies were growing nearer by the day and my family had wanted to keep me safe. I had naturally raised some objections.

 

“I could simply order you to stay, my little raven.” Sebastian threatened lightly, looking for the world as if he were dearly considering the option. It stung something inside of me to be reminded of our unequal statuses in this relationship of ours. He was my master. He always would be and I would forever be the servant, the very marks on my body awaiting his command. My reply was uttered with a smile but there was no mistaking the bitterness there burrowed and buried between each and every syllable.

  
  


“You could. But then you wouldn't get to touch me until my next breeding cycle in, oh, a hundred years, give or take a few. I'd thank you to take that into account when you even think about keeping me away from my little one when enemies are closing in.”

  
  


He appeared to sense the dangerous hole that he had suddenly dug himself into and backed away a step, gloved hands raised in surrender, “Your point has been...very well demonstrated. I only ask that you take cover if things get too dangerous but we both know that you will simply ignore that request.”

  
  


“Probably. I will make a solid effort to not put myself or our child in danger but I will defend Ciel when the time comes. You may not see him as your child, but I do. I won't let him see another adult let him down.” It was true. No matter how much I cared for the Earl, no matter how much I had bargained for him, to Malphas, he was nothing more than that: a contract.

  
  


“I understand.” He understood, yes, but it didn't take a genius to see that he didn't like it.

  
  


Now here we sat, preparing to leave for Paris and this strange tenseness had returned. Sebastian strode fluidly into the room, standing at an uncomfortable sort of attention.

  
  


“Master, I have arranged our lodgings.” He stated simply but his voice was detached and uninterested.

  
  


I did not listen to Ciel's response. Instead, I focused in on the bond with my mate, brushing against the coolness I found at the other end of the connection. Even from me the man was a little withdrawn and that simply wouldn't do. I could feel his unsettled air as if it were my own and reaching an fond hand out towards him, a smile begging his presence at my side, maybe even a kiss. The frostiness eased in his eyes just slightly and he reached out to take my offered hand with the barest hint of a smile teasing the edges of his mouth. Sebastian, to my delight, kneeled before me, kissing my palm before whispering to my heavy belly, completely unconcerned with who may be watching. I couldn't stop the grin from shining out of my face. I ran fingers through his soft, pitch hair, other bringing his hand in mine to rest on our growing child. I caught Ciel watching lovingly from out of the corner of my eye and spared him a luminous smile for himself as well. The boy flushed at having been caught but returned the expression softly.

  
  


Everything was going to be alright. As long as we had our strange little family, we were going to be okay.

.

.

~ **_“_ _I am entirely capable."_ _  
_ _"Of what, waddling up to someone and ruthlessly bumping into them?”_ _―_ [ _Gail Carriger_ ](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/2891665.Gail_Carriger) _,_ _Heartless_ **

.

.

Waltzing around Paris at eight months pregnant, I discovered, was not as pleasant an experience as I thought it was going to be. It didn't help that the dress that my public female form was wearing did nothing to hide the bizarre popped out bellybutton that I now sported, serving only to make me feel self-conscious. It had startled Ciel when he had seen it and he had commenced poking at the thing until I swatted his hand away, threatening to waddle after him if he didn't cease and desist. I'd eventually nearly collapsed from exhaustion and aching heels against a stone archway, getting to witness Ciel actually losing composure and endlessly worrying after me like a startled mother hen. At least until Sebastian had miraculously appeared with a wheelchair- where in Merlin's name did he get that?- and eased our little lord's frantic distress and my screaming calves.

  
  


“I'll have you know that I expect repayment for being your personal incubator once this is over.” I groused, cranky and irritable.

  
  


Sebastian smirked, wheeling me towards the Palace of Wonders at a sedate pace so that Ciel could observe the various attractions as we walked.

  
  


“Oh?”

  
  


“Yes. I expect repayment in a multitude of sexual flavors.” A man to our right spat out his drink, aghast at my words. Whoops, had I said that a little louder than I thought? Oh, well. Serves the man right for dropping eaves.

  
  


My mate's words came back to me tinged with amusement and colored with interest.

  
  


“Sexual flavors?”

  
  


“Yes!” I insisted abruptly, once more startling a passerby who bustled their children away from the cranky, potentially violent pregnant woman, “Preferably chocolate. Oh, and citrus. Maybe even almond and strawberry.”

  
  


Sebastian, to his credit, did not point out the strangeness of the topic but simply nodded, humming with a humorous acceptance, “Of course, my raven. I will see what I can do.”

  
  


'He damn well better', I hissed to myself, trying to ignore the ache radiating up my ankles. Inwardly though, as I grinned at the furious blushing on my little ones face at my side and my mate's entertainment echoed down the bond, I imagined that things were starting to get back to normal. Whatever it was that had come between the two boys in my life was over at last.

  
  


Or so I had thought.

 


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: Well, this chapter took me a lot longer than I wanted but here it is! We're finally getting to the nitty gritty!

 

Disclaimer: Nope!

Warning: Slash, Mpreg, Dub-Con, **Character Death**.

 

Chapter Twenty One... **_“_ _All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France”_**

 

Go to the Palace of Wonders, he said. Stuffed Angel, they said.

 

 _Please, evacuate and leave this place to me_.

 

I hissed in furious irritation as I half-waddled, half ran as fast as my rotundas body was able to carry me, being pulled along by my little one through the dark. Well, perhaps dark for him. My vision was as good in the dimness as it was at high noon. The arching door ahead glowed with the light of the outside world and, on Sebastian's order, we raced towards its luminescence. We were birthed into the courtyard quickly. Within mere moments, I was already missing the presence of my mate at my side. The connection between us tugged and pulled like a fragile string latched between our chest plates, always pulling my attention back to him. He had said that it would be like this in the beginning. This constant need to be within sight, the urge to seek reassurance and to always crave the comfort of touch. It was characteristic of our newborn, fledgeling mating bond. Already, I was feeling its effects. We halted in the midst of the courtyard, both panting in exhaustion. I was already worn out from the day and starving to boot. In the rush of preparations to leave, Sebastian and I had not had the chance to hunt and I was regretting not finding the time now. Carrying around a baby wasn't easy work, after all, and my ankles were beginning to throb again.

 

There was a crowd milling about with the easy lethargy of sheep grazing lazily in a field, including the man that I had so offended earlier in the day. The weather was beautiful and the breeze warm, yet the moment we had caught our breath, I felt it. A sensation that slammed into me with the force of a furious Bludger, the same feeling I experienced when Ash came to visit the manor.

 

_Danger. Fear. Need to protect! Protect my little ones! Mate! Where is my mate?! Run! Danger! Can't fight! Need to run!_

 

At my side, Ciel's breath stuttered in shock.

 

“Angela...” He whispered though the name was breathed like a curse.

 

Angela? The supposedly dead Angel? Angel...That fearful feeling...Bloody hell, Ash was a sodding Angel. Puzzle pieces that hadn't seemed remotely connected before were suddenly making sense. Ash, the Queen's butler was an Angel. Ciel had contracted with Demons. The monarch's desire to see the Phantomhive name destroyed was coming into clarity all at once. We needed to get away. Coming to Paris had been a terrible mistake.

 

“We need to run.” I hissed to him and already, he was tugging me away towards a gated off area declared unopened to the public. We had to get out of sight until Sebastian rejoined us. I was in no condition to fight an Angel and Ciel was so terribly fragile, so dreadfully human. We were sitting ducks without the other demon to defend us. The little Earl nodded before he started dragging my weary, wobbling body away from the danger. There was a gated off set of stairs that the two of us ducked behind and ascended quickly, far too eager to be out of sight of the viciously smiling Angel. The stairs led up to a small motorized elevator cart that reminded me vaguely of the underground metros in the London back in my home world.

 

The door had just been slid shut when the sickly smell of rotting hamburger crawled into my senses. What now? First the bleeding Angel and now...

 

“Goodness gracious, you're in a hurry.” The bloody Queen? She sat towards the back of the tram, looking out over the mulling masses from the safety of the isolated contraption. Her butler was thankfully nowhere in sight but judging from the nauseating smell emitting from Her Majesty, I wasn't sure if we were any safer in the knowledge, “It's been a long time.”

 

I hissed at her threateningly, pushing Ciel behind me in some attempt to protect him. She would not talk to him and she wouldn't hurt him! I would rip her beating heart from her bleeding chest before I let that happen! The boxcar began to ascend to the peak of the Tower, oblivious to the plight of its inhabitants.

 

“Look at the view from up here.” The monarch demanded lightly, casting her attentions back out of the window. One really could see all of Paris from this height. It would have been beautiful if my darkening eyes weren't focusing on a much less pleasant image. There was something strange about the Queen, something unnatural. And that _scent_ , that Merlin-awful stench! What could make such a smell on a living person? It reeked of something putrefied and decomposing, “As she faces the next century, Europe is on the verge of change. However...there's a stain over there. There's stagnation over there.” She turned an accusing, pointed finger at myself and Ciel, “There's uncleanliness right here.”

 

I could feel my little one flinch in shock behind me and my hissed threats quickly became full out parsletongue, the warnings and menacings enough to scare off many lesser predators. The Queen, apparently, was far too confident in her butler's protection to give my threats much thought. Bully for her. Idly, I wondered if I could rip her throat out before Ash arrived to stop me.

 

“The entire slate must be wiped clean.” She continued almost as if musing to herself, “There can be no creation without destruction. In order for the new century to be pure, I cleansed the house that has taken on all that is negative in our nation: the house of Phantomhive.”

 

That bint! That slimy, no-good canker sore! I'd show her destruction! I'd bring her whole palace down on her head if I had to! After all, it wouldn't be the first time a dynasty fell. The dreadful woman exited the tram eventually and I practically crushed Ciel into the wall behind me to keep him as far away from her passing presence as possible. All I wanted to do was take my little one and run in the opposite direction. Back to Sebastian, back home. Back to my safe, clean nursery and to the life we had built together. Ciel had other ideas. He followed Her Majesty up the remaining steps as she sang that creepy song. His face however, was filled with his rage. This was the person who had robbed him of his family. This was the person who was responsible for his captivity and even inevitably his contract with Sebastian. This corrupted Queen was at fault for it all and he knew it now. It was all becoming clear but...why? Why defile his parents bodies that way? Why do any of it? Queen Victoria had an answer.

 

“I merely wanted to pay what tribute I could to the Phantomhives after they showed me such loyalty.” Her voice, to my disgust and his, sounded tearful.

 

A stiff air current, heavy and almost violent this high up, snatched her mourning veil as if it were just a wisp of cloud and scattered it to the winds. Beneath, was not what any of us expected. The Queen had become young and lovely again, a maiden rather than a dowager. But with that breeze came the alarm bells of my senses screaming on overtime all over again. On the tip of the Tower above, Ash sat, overlooking our confrontation like a lord overseeing his servants. His eyes gazed on my heavy form without even trying to hide his disgust.

 

“Ahh, the Demon-Witch and his abomination hell-spawn.”

 

The Queen continued her explanation as if her butler weren't looking at me as if trying to decide how best he would like to dismember me.

 

“The joy of truly becoming one with the one you love, I felt that if I gave the Phantomhives that same joy, it would not be a ghastly death at all.”

 

My mind was shrieking for Sebastian, crying out in fear and alarm for the only one who could protect us. I knew that he heard me. The answering brush of his mind against mine was proof of that. How dreadful for Ciel to finally discover the truth. How horrible to learn that the person he had served loyally and without question all of this time was actually the one he was fighting and railing against. I put myself in front of him, unwilling to allow any enemy to approach my youngling. How could I protect him this way? How could I do anything in his defense if I could barely move? The Elder Wand slipped into my hand silently, hidden against the palm of my hand. I couldn't fight physically, not in the shape I was in but I could do plenty of damage with magic. I was a wizard first, after all.

 

“Ash, at least let Ciel fall to your blade. The other, you may do as you like with. I know how much you deplore Demons and their primal, unclean existence. This one seems doubly guilty for he's bringing another stain into the world, wouldn't you agree?”

 

The smarmy Angel smirked menacingly, brandishing his sword before him all too happy to take our lives, “I shall bring thee down to the pit.”

 

He lunged, faster than lightning, but fortunately, Sebastian was faster. Ciel and I were snatched up in the time it took to blink. A feat in itself considering I was as big as a Hippogriff. His presence there around me was a breath of fresh relief. As if I had just emitted an enormous sigh, some of the tension leeching away from me.

 

_He was here. We were going to be okay._

 

“This may be the end, my young master.” Sebastian said impassively, a small smile coloring his face, “Your orders?”

 

Ciel was at his butler's back but the small boy stood in my arms and suddenly, he seemed like just that. A boy. A boy whom Fate had just ripped the rug out from under. Ciel's world had been turned upside down in a matter of moments and now...he stood shaky and uncertain. Did he order the murder of the Queen that he had lived his life for loyally? Or did he let her go?

 

“Kill Ash.” Came his demand, his voice strong, but only I could see the doubt in his sapphire eye.

 

“Will that be all, my lord?”

 

Ciel's body shook in my arms, fear thrumming through his small form. What would he do? It wasn't hard to determine what it was that the butler wanted him to say and, despite his misgivings, the Earl gave him what he wished.

 

“Kill the Queen!” For a moment, just an instant, I resented my mate for making Ciel say it. I knew that it was necessary but...I hated him a little for putting my little one through this turmoil.

 

Sebastian's table knives made their way towards the Queen only to be parried by the Angel. The fight was on. It could have been a dance, so graceful were the players. So poised and elegant even while trying to disembowel the other. My mate moved through the air with the grace of his familiar but the damage the two did was not so pretty. Large pieces of the Tower began to fall on the unsuspecting crowd below, Ciel's eye widening in alarm.

 

“Sebastian, stop!” He cried, nearly lunging from the protective circle of my embrace.

 

The demon came to a halt in front of us, silverware poised for striking in his skilled grip. He did not look pleased, as if someone had just jerked his toy out from under him.

 

“Why?”

 

“We've attracted attention. At this rate, the commotion will only get bigger.” It was a frail reason and we all knew it. Already, I could feel Sebastian's end of our connection freezing up once more with his frigid anger. The icy wall was steadily reasserting itself between us. I shuddered with the sensation, my own fear filling my belly. I sank to my knees, the fragile strength within me waning at last. Sebastian didn't seem to notice, so focused on his nemesis but the Earl did. Ciel's hands fluttered over me frantically, one falling to my heavy belly and the other to my pale cheek. It was too much...Too much sensation, too much fear and uncertainty all in a short period.

 

“Why should we bother ourselves with them, my lord? They're only humans.”

 

“No! We're withdrawing!”

 

Sebastian turned back to look at the boy with something akin to horrified shock on his handsome expression. His eyes immediately zeroed in on my kneeling, panting figure but when they looked at his master, the crimson depths were ice cold. I let out a moan of pain and the child within me began kicking out fearfully, small star bursts of terror shocking through my brain. Was my baby talking to me over our bond? Not in words, since the child did not understand spoken language, but in its own fledgling emotions.

 

“Such uncleanliness.” Ash said, almost to himself, as he spirited the Queen away quickly on white feathered wings.

 

The only thing I could register in my exhaustion was the dark iceberg that was the man that I trusted in.  


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: Heavy chapter ahead! Don't forget to review!

 

Disclaimer: Don't own quotes or fandom.

Warnings: You know what? No. If you haven't figured it out by now, just no.

 

Chapter Twenty-Two... _“ **The most important thing that a father can do for his children is to love their mother”-Theodore M. Hesburg**_

 

That strange glacial distance between my mate and my youngling was back by the time we got into the carriage to leave, yet more pronounced than ever. What was happening? What was happening to us? What had that blasted Queen and her Angel lapdog wrought in our small, precious family? The ancient, primal fear that had overcome me after my pregnancy, before Sebastian and I had mated, was bubbling up inside of me all over again and...I was afraid. Suddenly, I was terribly afraid for us. For Ciel. For my baby. For Sebastian and even for myself. It was as if my instincts were screaming something at me that just wouldn't be deciphered. All I wanted was to reach out to my mate, to seek solace in him but there was this barrier there. The wall of ice between us that could not be penetrated.

 

 _I couldn't reach him_...

 

The butler was just so _angry_. But why? That was what I couldn't comprehend. Why was he so angry at Ciel? Vaguely, it felt as if some of that arctic anger was leaking out towards me too. I could feel the tendrils lashing out like tongues of polar fire if my consciousness drifted too close to his end of our connection. Why was he angry with me? What had I done? A panic attack began building in my throat and, unwilling to let such a ridiculous weakness show, I immersed myself in the bond I had with my growing infant.

 

It was fragile but strengthening more every day. There was warmth there and, deep in my mind, unaware of the outside world, I whispered to my baby of the brother and father waiting for them to join us in the world. The child had been aware of my distress and had been so distressed themselves but the moment that my presence found their own, the terror began to abate. I soothed my baby in a way that my mate wasn't able to. Sebastian had been feeding our child his own power to facilitate a bond between them but it would only be born once the baby came into the world. It was like the ladies back home had always said.

 

_'A mother loves her baby from conception, but a father only understands the love of his child when he holds them in his arms for the first time.'_

 

I emerged from my mindscape in time to witness an exchange between the two boys in my life and stabbed deeper into the heart of Sebastian's rage.

 

“What would I want with my soul? You're being tedious. What do you-”

 

The glare Sebastian was leveling his young master with was glacial; bloodied frozen ice chips set like flinty diamonds into a stone visage. The sight sent a shiver of fright down my spine and the urge to step between them and protect Ciel was strong within me. For a moment, the butler had looked disgusted with his charge. His expression had been loathing and resentment.

 

Did Sebastian... _hate_ Ciel? Hate my youngling?

 

Did he possibly hate me just a little bit too for forcing the boy on him for eternity? After all, I had ensured that, even after the contract was over, Sebastian would be stuck with Ciel. Did he resent me for it? I never really stopped to consider how the demon himself might feel about having Ciel as a child. I only thought about how _I_ felt. My own selfish desires...

 

Merlin, I really was made to be a demon, through and thorough.

 

We made it back to the hotel in one piece though the silence was stifling. Dark was fast approaching and with it the little lord's bed time. As always, I took the responsibility of readying him for the night, trying my best to lighten his dower, glum mood. My efforts were in vain. Outside of the door, my mate waited for me and when I opened the door to exit, Sebastian looked in on his young master.

 

“Forget everything and have pleasant dreams, young master.”

 

Forget everything...? What was he saying? My mate and I walked to our own room in silence. Malphas was pensive and seemingly lost in thought. For the first time, I really was at a loss for what to do about it. The hotel room was dim and bleak even in its gilded magnificence. It held none of the comforts of home, none of the heartfelt laughter and warmth of the Phantomhive manor. Still, my mate began undressing me, his hands pressing against my every nerve end with skilled precision. Humanity folded away like a shroud, leaving me wanting and needy. I needed my mate. I needed his reassurance and comfort. Yet as we coupled, his touch was almost desperate on my skin. His kisses were hard and anxious. He touched me in every way that I loved, every way that I had ever desired. Sebastian swallowed me down at the same time that he pushed his power into our child, an endless wave if sensation that had me shrieking, writhing in ecstasy. Fingers twisted inside of me until, at last, what I so ached for, something thicker and hotter. It felt like our mating all over again, filled with gasoline and devastation yet somehow, this distress could bring nothing good. Sebastian's desperation could mean only further uncertainty and fear. Was he afraid? Yes... I could sense that much. But why? He sank razor sharp incisors into the mating mark on my throat, over and over again like a striking snake.  
  
My climax was building, building and before I knew it, I reached my completion with my mate following close behind. All I could comprehend, my brain still reeling from the complex orgasm, was a feather-light kiss on my lips before a hand covered my eyes and I knew only darkness.

.

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~ ** _“_ _She sat in her room on the couch my parents had given up on and worked on hardening herself. Take deep breaths and hold them. Try to stay still for longer and longer periods of time. Make yourself small and like a stone. Curl the edges of yourself up and fold them under where no one can see.”-The Lovely Bones_**

**.**

.

I knew the moment that I awoke that Sebastian was gone. The knowledge came to me accompanied by the overwhelming sensation of grief and loss. There was a lifelessness to the house. The sheets beside me were long cold. Our bedroom echoed vacancy like a tomb and inside of my mind, his end of the connection was blank, as if a shadow had been pulled over to obscure it from my gaze. The babe inside of me kicked out fearfully and I sent a soothing wave of power towards him, rubbing circles on my swollen belly to calm both my child and myself.

 

Him...My baby was a boy.

 

I tasted the truth of the fact on my tongue and wondered at how I could tell. Perhaps it was a demon thing. I had spent as little time in Hell as I possibly could and so had not ever run across any other breeding demons to ask about the ins and outs of pregnancy. Sebastian would know...But Sebastian was gone now.

 

Where? Where had he gone? I...had to find him. I had to tell him that our baby was a boy. That he was going to have a son soon! That he was going to be so happy if he would just _come back_! I needed him here, dammit! I-! A high pitched keening sound began to build in the back of my throat just as surly as my climax had built the night before, until it was spilling out of my lips in an anguished whimper. It felt as if half of my being were suddenly absent, as if a chunk of my body had just been snatched away.

 

The sheets still smelled of him, still smelled of our lovemaking and I wrapped them around myself, trying to recreate him from scent alone. He had known. He had known that he was leaving. That's why, last night he had been so...Without warning, a powerful contraction seized my body, not enough to hurt but just enough to shake me from my delirium and remind me of what was important right then. I shook my head to scatter the thoughts and choked down my rising panic.

 

 _Ciel_.

 

I still had to take care of my children. They needed me to be there for them. Slowly, painfully, I rose and dressed myself for the day. It was a tedious process in my swollen state that likely was only managed through a dubious amount of magic. Thankfully, though, I was dressed, staring blankly out of the window when the little lord slammed open the door.

 

“Sebastian!” He shouted only to stop short when the only one in his view was me. He was panting and flushed. He must have run from each and every room individually, looking for the man who had taken the role of caretaker for the last two years. The only thing that I could find it in my heart to do was shake my head despondently. Sebastian was gone. He likely had been for some time now, “He's gone then...”

 

“Yes.” I whispered, taking him in my arms lightly.

 

Did Ciel think it was his fault? Did he believe that he, himself, was to blame for Sebastian's disappearance? Grief and anxiety clawed at my insides and warred within me. Fear. I was so afraid, but my little ones needed me. They needed me to lead and care for them, no matter what, so that's exactly what I was going to do. My arms released the Earl and I gave him a tiny, tight smile.

 

“Come, let's get you dressed.”

 

Ciel nodded but his next words sent a dreadful bitterness rolling about inside of me.

 

“He wouldn't leave you and the baby...right?”

 

For once, I had no answers for him.

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: I know, it's terribly short for a chapter but I promise that I did it with reason. Method to my madness and all that. What comes next was too long and important to just tack on to the end of this chapter. It needs it's own.

 

Disclaimer: Nope.

Warnigns: See chapter one.

 

Chapter Twenty-Three... _ **“Buckley drew back and stared at my father's creased face, the fine bright spots of tears at the corners of his eyes. He nodded seriously and kissed my father's cheek. Something so divine that no one up in heaven could have made it up; the care a child took with an adult.”- The Lovely Bones**_

 

“We must get home, Harry. We need to get back to London.” Ciel said after he had breakfasted and been dressed.

 

He was treating me as if I were going to shatter and break at any moment, easing me into my chair and even pouring me a cup of tea himself. Maybe he was right. Perhaps I would. I felt like glass, brittle and cold. My hands shook around the fine porcelain and I felt chilled. To have my fledgling mating bond suddenly blocked off from me, to have my mate abandon us so soon after it had been created...It was a shock to my system and my system was not handling it well. The longer I pondered on our situation, the more my instincts worked themselves into a frenzy, fear and anxiety working overtime. My fight or flight response was stuck on high, constantly.

 

“Yes...Yes, of course.” I said, at last snapping out of my devastated thoughts.

 

Home. Home, back to my little nursery and the safety it represented. Back to the bedroom that I shared with Sebastian. Would he be there? Would he meet us back at the manor? What could have happened to him to make him leave us like this? Leave Ciel undefended and leave his mate alone and heavy with child? Had the Angel gotten to him? What if he had gone out to hunt for me and had gotten captured? But...he had been captured before and nothing could stop him from answering Ciel's call. And if he had been incapacitated, why was his side of our bond blocked off? It never had been before. No...this leaving was voluntary. He had left us. Sebastian had chosen to leave us this time and I couldn't get the thought out of my head no matter how hard I tried. We left the hotel and I was forced back into my female disguise with a groan. I couldn't wait until I would no longer have to glamour myself in such a way. How degrading.

 

The Port of Calais, it turned out, had experienced a terrible accident. A boat had crashed straight into the pier and destroyed it so the port had been closed. The Port of Boulogne-Sur-Mer was quite a distance further but had become our only option. It would take most of the days travel to get there. At first, Ciel had approached a man loading barrels into a cart but I stopped his progress. The man had a slimy, dark look in his eye that I didn't trust. Instead, I led us to the nearest carriage house with a Point-Me spell. Another quick Confundus later and we were on our way. The ride was quiet, silent, save for Ciel occasionally checking on my pale and shaking form. I simply gave him a tight, thin smile and conjured a tea service for us to enjoy during the ride. How could I tell him that I was alright when things had gone so wrong? No, I was not okay, but that didn't mean that I had to put that on him. No doubt the Earl was under enough stress as it was. He didn't need to see the one adult he could count on losing it. Because that's what was happening. I was freaking out. The town was dark with the pregnant night by the time we arrived and we found a hotel in no time thanks to another Point-Me spell. It was times like this that I was so thankful that my magic remained after my transformation.

 

The room was dark save for the rather rambunctious and hyperactive Lumos spell zipping and bounding about the room. I was so tired that I hadn't even been able to get up and see to the little lord's supper. Sebastian would be disgusted that I had, not only fed his young master conjured food once, but had, in fact, served him conjured dinner too. It would offend his precious butler aesthetics. Around the room in the darkness, one could glimpse the quick occasional flapping of pale wings as my familiars were drawn to my power and distress. Seeing them there for me was a small comfort to me and, I could tell, Ciel as well. He at least felt safer. After all, my eclipse had formed a magical shield for him before. He would sleep protected tonight.

 

If only my own mind were so reassured. My little one had not taken his keen eyes from my form since we had finished with dinner and settled him into the single bed, obviously picking up on the shambles my psyche was currently in.

 

“Harry? Will you be alright?” He asked steadily, watching me look out of the window into the night.

 

I don't know what I was looking for. Was it the hope of glimpsing the flapping of black wings that kept me here? Or the sight of a familiar pale face? This sensation I experienced was well-known to me. It was the same I had felt when I had left my old life behind. It was the heaviness of lonely grief and desolation. Could the lie slip past my lips? Could I say yes? Would Ciel believe me if I did? No answer was forthcoming. Instead, I settled my round girth onto the bed next to him, unable to give my little one the smile I knew that he was looking for. There were no smiles left in me right now. Not after my heart had been broken so entirely. A small hand slipped into mine and the floodgates opened for the first time since I had awoken alone this morning. Tears spilled unchecked down my cheeks as great heaving sobs wracked my fragile frame and all the while, my little Earl held me, wrapped in his thin child-sized arms the way my mate should have been here to do. I cried until every tear was wrung from my exhausted body. I sobbed until I was dry as an over-tapped well, achingly empty. I raged until there was only space left inside. Just a vast hollow as if my insides had been spooned out with an ice cream scoop. I mourned late into the night, for the father of my child, for my broken heart, for the future we should have had.

 

At some point in the night, Ciel took my face in both of his hands. His serious face was creased into an empathetic frown of understanding. When he kissed my forehead, the same way I did to him when he had a nightmare, I thought for an instant that it had been my imagination. But no. He nodded to me sincerely.

 

“I won't leave you, Harry. Either of you. I'm not going anywhere.”

 

What else could I do but hug him? What else could be done in that moment but to love him even more?

.

.

~ ** _“_ _You can hear now. Your inner ear is formed._ _I shout "I love you" into the bedroom. Then I feel stupid. Then I don't. This is pretty much the story of my life.”_ _―_ _Suzanne Finnamore_ _,_ _The Zygote Chronicles_**

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Ciel at last lay asleep in the wee hours of the morning, so early that one couldn't be certain if it was very late at night or quite early in the the morning. It was the time of twilight when the world lays still and silent and complete, holding its collective breath in preparation for the coming dawn. The city below slept but I did not. Instead, I stared out of the window, but this time it wasn't my absentee mate that held my thoughts in its sway. Pale hands rested on my heavy belly, feeling the soft thumps of my son's feet against my insides. My sweet child, innocent and untouched by the pain of the outside world. Unsoiled by his father's betrayal. My aching heart swelled with love for the babe U would soon bear into the world. He would need a name. Something that was just as beautiful and strong as he would be.

 

James? Sirius? No, those were not right. I was as far detached from that life as a stranger. No, it would be something unique and inspiring, something that others would whisper in awe, respect, and love. A name that would do him justice.

 

Marcus? Terran? Liam?

 

No. No. No.

 

My eyes fell on the sleeping lord and I smiled softly. Ciel...Ciel was French for sky and Heaven.

 

_Caelum._

 

Yes. Yes, it was perfect. Caelum and Ciel. My two little skies. My Heavens.  


	24. Chapter 24

A/n: UGGHHHHHH! This chapter took me for-freaking-ever and I still hate it.

 

Disclaimer: Bugger off.

Warnings: Seriously? Still on about this?

 

Chapter Twenty-Four... **“ _You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up.”_ _―_ _Anne Lamott_**

 

We were in luck, it seemed. The port did indeed boast a ship that was on its way to London. Finally, we would be going home. Back to friends and safety. We could regroup, decide where to go from here. Figure out what I was going to do now that I was a single parent of two. Again and again I had tested and prodded at Sebastian's end of the bond but, each time, all I had gotten for my efforts was that same blank silence. My soul was crying out for its other half. My child was in distress and there was nothing that I could do to help. Little Caelum's kicks had become increasingly frantic as we boarded the ship and set off. He was very attuned to my own emotional state it seemed.

 

What if...What if I went into labor early?

 

What would I do? What did I know about delivering my own baby? I was a guy! I didn't know the first thing about delivering an infant, demon, human or Hungarian Horntail. What if something bad happened? There would be no one there to help me. Poor Ciel would be the only assistance I had and he was twelve, for Merlin's sake. I had never given much thought to the actual birth itself. Would I be in danger without the aid of my mate? Even in my human life, the women around me had been too young to even be contemplating such a thing. Too young and too caught up in the war around them to consider life afterward. No one was even sure that there would be a life afterward. So many had been dying.

 

The sea air whipped through my unbound hair with the soothing calm of a caress. Ciel shivered in the cool breeze at my side. True to his word, he hadn't left me for even a moment since his brave, loving declaration. Unfortunately, I hadn't fed either. I knew that I needed to. But...the sudden and complete absence that had been torn away in my mind had robbed me of my appetite entirely. My skin was pasty and pale. My hands shook and the  _ fear _ ...

 

The fear consumed me.

 

It was primal, restless and was a constant presence simmering in my chest, bubbling up the back of my throat. Any moment this calm facade would crack and I would start screaming, the terror choking up and out of my esophagus like bile. There would be no stopping. Just the screaming, screaming, screaming.

 

“Good heavens...” Came a woman's frantic whisper at our backs. Neither of us had to ask her what was so alarming. It was there for all to see. Flames reached up to the heavens, staining the world in crimson, scarlet and rouge. London was burning. We were still a ways off but the devastation, I could already see, was far reaching.

 

A familiar, cool presence registered at my back before Ciel hissed, “What are  _ you _ doing here?” His voice was filled with mistrust and I almost smiled as he stepped in between our visitor and me protectively. 

 

To be honest, I wasn't sure why he was here either but, somehow, it seemed right. Correct. Just as my mating to Sebastian had been just and beyond doubt. Look where it had gotten me now, I thought bitterly. Still, my heart was light at the sight of my ally. Undertaker giggled, steepling his long-nailed fingers together like a child playing a sing-song game.

 

_Here is the church, here is the steeple. Set it ablaze and burn all the people._

 

“We have a great many souls to collect in London tonight. Including,” His grin widened almost demonically as his gaze drifted down to my bulging belly, disguised under its glamour still, “One in particular.”

 

Horror and instinctual fury burst inside of me without warning, so close was the emotion to the surface, and I snarled out at my long time friend, covering my belly with my arms to defend my child. My nails had sharpened and my eyes had taken on a distinctly feral look. Undertaker's only response was to bark out a laugh and shove one of his bone shaped cookies into my mouth. His yellow, green eyes were sharp on me in a way that they never had been, in a way that I didn't know if I should trust or not. My friend had never let me down before, certainly. This didn't feel like a threat, the more I watched Undertaker. No, despite my instinctual, violent reaction, it felt like a warning. Or a promise? Maybe both. He was telling me that there was potential harm coming to me and my baby tonight. Undertaker was telling me to be wary and not take risks. Easier said than done in my case, unfortunately. I had Ciel to protect. There was no mate to defend us now. No, this time, we were on our own, come better or worst. The strange man began to walk away but Ciel followed him with a sharp call.

 

“Wait! Why did you come here tonight?” The youngling demanded, disregarding the comforting, cautious hand I laid on his thin shoulder from his back. Undertaker paused in his leaving, hesitating.

 

“You and I have a lot of history together, Earl. Harry and I have even more, but we share a common future as well.” For once, his voice was as close to serious as it had ever come and his words cut me to the quick. Common future? What was that suppose to mean? Nothing good. A common future with a Reaper could only involve death and with what Undertaker had already revealed...My hand spasmed with terror on my round belly and the child within kicked out helplessly.

 

“Common future? What do you mean by that?” Ciel pressed but the man only made a short tsking sound, grin turning up wryly at the corners.

 

“Ah, ah, Earl. Are you willing to pay the price for that information?”

 

The wheels were already turning inside of the Phantomhive's brain but I beat him to the punch. The information was about me and it could be crucial in saving the life of my child if it came to that as the man had hinted. It was my price to pay, my coin to cross the River Styx.

 

“I am.” I said before Ciel had the chance to respond. Chartreuse eyes zeroed in on me and even though I could not see them, I felt their gaze intensely, “You want a laugh, Undertaker? You want to hear a joke? Here is the greatest joke ever told.” My eyes carefully avoided those of my young lord as I spoke the words that were bound to damn me forever, even now in this time and place, “I love Sebastian Michaelis.”

 

Even after everything. After leaving me pregnant and undefended, after abandoning his own master, I still loved him. Even though he obviously didn't share that same regard with me. Merlin, the thought made me feel ill. Despite what had been done and the cut off I was experiencing from him, my instincts raged against thinking so badly of him. My heart ached for his presence, pulling me apart in every direction, trying and needing to rejoin with him. Undertaker did not explode into laughter as he usually did. Neither did he reject my statement. Instead, he simply smiled and nodded softly, the expression bitter and almost pitying.

 

“It is funny, isn't it? Funny and so terribly sad. Very well, Earl. The truth is this. We will being seeing one another again very soon because before the night is over...you will die. Sebastian Michaelis will lose everything he ever cared about to the flames. It is Harry and I's common future because he will be the one to reap the consequences of his mate's actions. That is all. I will see you later, _little Earl_.” The peculiar man purred before sauntering off and bouncing off of the side of the ship. No splash of water gave away his departure and I knew that he was now on the main land, despite his exit overboard. 

 

Undertaker was gone...but something he had said stuck with me. I would be the one to reap the consequences of my mate's actions. My mate's actions would lead to the death of not just one but potentially both of my children.  _My mate._ Red blistering fury soared suddenly within me, higher than the fires eating away at the city ahead. It was heady like a spiced, hot wine and searing. It  _felt_ and that was more than I had experienced since Sebastian's abandonment. Before, I had lumbered around, searching miserably in a haze of emptiness and despair but this...This felt alive. Rage was cleansing me from the inside out.

 

No. Not my mate. Not anymore. He lost that right when he left us. Insanity was overtaking me, the fury, betrayal, despair and terror blending into one indistinguishable madness within me, a monster feasting on my insides and taking root where tenderness and desire had once been. I grasped hold of that connection tightly that had once hummed between Sebastian and I, now dull and dormant, and threw it back into the darkness at him. I rejected him as my mate.

 

I was now an instinct driven, whelping, unattached demon. Unleashed, protecting young and very very pissed off.

.

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_~ **“Stranger I've known you for so long. I found you lost with a compass in the fog... Stranger you've followed me so far, Until the roads converged, as did the stars.”- Katie Costello, Stranger.**_

.

.

Two pairs of eyes watched the Earl and his pregnant companion, one with a dark smirk and the other with only an impassive apathy. The city below was a stage. The flames and Reapers dancing below the players. The dead and dying were simply props. Things. Objects. Not people. Not worthwhile. Unclean. Nothing but worthless meat sacks. Crimson eyes traced the once-wizard's features as if committing them to memory. Harry was pale, almost gaunt, and visibly shaking, his mind and body unable to handle the blocking off of the newborn mating bond so soon after its birth, especially in his whelping state. It was doing damage, having the connection so cut off. Being so far out of his reach even mentally. But...resentment coursed through his chest as he took in the sight of the little lord who had caused it all. Everything to this point, the absence, the slow and painful breakdown Harry was suffering from, could all be traced back to the Phantomhive's decisions. Back to his indecisiveness. And thanks to Harry's bleeding heart he was stuck with the little brat.

 

“Ah, so the boy has made his way back to London. And with the Demon Witch in tow, how terribly impressive. My, he must me ready to pop by now. Just to spill forth another vile, unclean, unfruitful canker on this world. Tell me, what do you think of the view? What are your thoughts?”

 

“Next to the Great Fire of London in 1666, this one...well, it seems to burn rather slowly.”

 

We both knew that the fire wasn't what the creature was really asking about but neither made mention of the avoidance. In the street, they watched as the Demon Hound approached, his mind gone and only fury and rage left in its stead. Harry moved in front of the small assembled group as Ciel began shouting instructions for the servants to start using real bullets but he was too late. The usually mild-mannered demon had jumped into battle with the beast without warning, already showing signs of shedding his humanity and revealing himself.

 

The observer's hand clenched tightly at his side. It was so difficult. More difficult than anything he had ever faced, any hunger or pain in his long endless life, not to run out there and protect his mate and child. No matter how furious he may be with Ciel, no matter how resentful of Harry he was feeling, his mate should be protected, not squaring off with monsters mere weeks before he was to deliver. What if something happened to their child? What if he took a hit? Fell the wrong way? What if's shot through his brain at light speed yet his planted feet did not move despite the tenseness in his form. His enemy-companion hummed, watching the scene and his reaction to it with interest.

 

“It's an ironic world, isn't it. You fought against me on your master's behalf and now here you are, standing beside me watching this little tragedy play out.” The Angel took in the silent, stoic expression with a smirk. The winged creature was clearly enjoying the wedge being driven between their once happy little family. Yet even he was surprised when the divine being took their timid alliance a step further, a hand reaching up to undo his chest to unclasp his clothing there, “Or, if you hunger, I can come to you as a woman as well. Certainly more than that stain could have ever given you. We can join forces in purity. The sins of the past will be abolished with the Demon Witch and his little spawn's death.”

 

How coarsely and lowly the wretch spoke of his beloved and their beautiful child. Their little treasure. That precious, fragile being that he and Harry had created together, the most wondrous thing that could have ever come from his stained, disgusting true form.

 

His body was foul, loathsome and vile yet...something so pure and amazing had been born from it. And Harry...Someone so beautiful had held him, had taken pleasure and love from his repulsive body. He had appreciated and adored every inch of his demonic form as if it were a thing worthy of admiring, of desiring. Somehow, Harry had made it alright to accept that true nature of his.

 

Now here they were. Separated by Ciel and his indecision. The Earl had become a person he did not recognize when the truth had come out. He had ceased being his master and turned into the sort of human that Sebastian deplored and detested. The sort of abominable being that reneges on contracts and goes back on their word. The sort of person that can't hold on to a bargain and it was that person that he had vowed to be stuck with for eternity.

 

The sort of being that went against everything he stood for, every aesthetic the butler possessed.

 

Thanks to his deal with Harry, he couldn't even just devour the little sod. He was trapped, contracted to not only allow the Earl to live but to make him into his childe as well. His word to Harry trapped him into a responsibility to an oath breaker. He was forever in the service of a child that had been ruined by his own doubts.

 

Oh, how the resentment for the mate he had given that vow to seethed within him. It was that and only that which kept the crow demon back from jumping to his mate's defense no matter how much his instincts screamed at him this was all so  _wrong, wrong, wrong..._

 

For once, Sebastian Michaelis stood and he did nothing.

 


	25. Chapter 25

 

Disclaimer: Nope.

 

_**Abyssus Abyssum Invocat...** _ _**Hell calls hell; the abyss calls the abyss.** _

 

 **Chapter Twenty-Five**... **“ _To hate, one must first love. The opposite of love is apathy, which is when you simply don't care about the person enough to have loved them in the first place."_**

 

“You're kidding, right?! You have real bullets, don't you?!” Ciel's words were cold and unfeeling to his servants behind me but I only had eyes for the Demon Hound above.

 

I could remember the very day Sebastian and the young master had brought Pluto home. The very conversation that had taken place, as if it had occurred only yesterday.

.

.

“ _You leave to scout out a location for a new resort and you return with...a giant demon dog? Really, Michaelis.” I drawled, observing Finnian try to control the blasted thing from the window overlooking our soon-to-be charred garden. Sebastian grimaced in disgust, coming to stand by side._

 

“ _It was my masters particular wish, regrettably.”_

 

“ _I'm sure you're positively heartbroken. Well, I just know that you and Pluto will be the best of friends.” The look he gave me could have peeled paint but the simple smile that had curled my mouth had stayed with me for the remainder of the day._

_._

_._

I shook off the memory angrily. I had been happy then, content to watch over Ciel and to dodge the attentions of my sire as best as I was able. Now...things were so different. If only I could tear those happy times with him out of my memory, rip them away so that I might be spared their sting. Alas, it wasn't to be. I was stuck with them, but I could do what was in my power to erase their effect. Fortunately, I knew a great place to start.

 

Before the bullets could be loaded, I charged into the fray, the Elder wand in my hand and nails elongating, sharpening to pitch-hued knives. A Cutting Curse was already on the tip of my tongue by the time the humans realized what was happening and by the time they could react, it had flown, a Killing Curse following close behind. Pluto was caught off guard by the first curse and took it to the back. The second he was prepared to dodge. The hound jumped onto an adjacent building, snarling at the emerald spell that zipped by uselessly. He didn't, however, expect to have to dodge a third projectile from an entirely different direction: me. He was enormous so the second Cutting Curse to his neck didn't make as large an impact as I had hoped. My claws and teeth following it up, though, did. His artery caved and tore in my hand, my arm buried into his throat up to my elbow. A fierce delight burned inside of me as a torrential flood of blistering, crimson blood burst and flowed down over me. The pleasure of battle fought and won, an opponent destroyed and laid to waste with my very hands. His corpse fell to the ground before my small, strange family and I rode it down as if it were some sort of demented sled. My blood sodden clothes left a carmine streak against his snow white fur but I paid it no mind. I was beyond caring about such things. My eyes were shining beetle-black, my lovely emerald orbs gone in the face of the primal urges dictating my every move now. I was so close. So close to losing control completely that the inkiness in my eyes remained even after the fight was through.

 

A quick spell rid me of the gore covering my body but it couldn't halt the quaking in my limbs that returned full force once the adrenaline began to wear off. All three servants were watching me with tears spilling down their faces but Ciel...he only had determination in his one good eye.

 

“Come, Harry. We must get there quickly.”

 

I was afraid to try and speak, concerned that I was too far gone to even attempt it. All that would come out, I feared, was a growling hiss. He lead me quickly to a horse and together, we rode off toward the palace, unaware that, somewhere above us, an alliance had shattered.

_._

_._

_ ~“ **Humming Hallelujah in the dark. Whispered poems leave you to be, Humming Hallelujah in the night. The sun might rise, as sometimes does it fall.”- Katie Costello, Stranger.** _

_._

_._

London was burning. Pluto was dead, killed by my own hand. The Queen was dead, sickened and rotted by her own foolish desires and now we were being blamed for the death. Brilliant. Ciel and I ran through the halls of Buckingham as fast as my heavy body would allow, a crowd of shouts and soldiers on our tail. We had made it back to the entryway only to find ourselves surrounded by redcoats and muskets. All I wanted to do was push the Earl behind me to protect him but we were surrounded on all sides. No matter how I positioned him, he was in danger. The shadows surged around the room, eager and hungry, just waiting for their master's command.

 

Then the worst happened.

 

“I won't end here!” Ciel shouted out only for time to stop in the blink of an eye when an overly trigger-happy soldier's finger twitched. The gun went off like thunder and white hot lightening. All my coal colored eyes registered was the splash of red before all humanity within me evaporated. The lights in the room were swallowed up in an instant, the shadows reaching out to devour them all. The screams began.

 

My claws dug into soft bellies, ripping tissue and shattering bone. For the second time tonight, my body became stained with the blood of others. All of my carefully held restraint vanished. So immersed in my rage was I that I didn't even think to devour any of their worthless souls. They had done the unforgivable. These humans had hurt my child. They were not worthy of becoming a meal. They were garbage, refuse, unwanted.

 

_Just like me..._

 

Just as my mate had thrown me away so too was I going to leave them to be trodden underfoot on the ground. Ciel lay on the ground, shuddering with the pain of his through and through gun-shot. His blood beneath his body was forming a Faustian Seal as quickly as it could leave his tiny frame. No, no, no...Hurt! My child was hurt! Injured! I'd failed him! I continued to fail him! I didn't think the situation could get any worst. At least until it did.

 

From out of the shadows, a voice echoed throughout the hall, “I see you're awake, young master.”

 

The sound of slow footsteps echoing on the marble resounded in the seemingly cavernous darkness. Crimson eyes made their appearance only moments before their owner emerged from the shade. Sebastian. The butler gave a low bow, his white gloved hand pressed over his chest demurely.

 

“And you are right. You won't end here. I humbly apologize for taking unauthorized leave.”

 

I didn't know if he just wasn't expecting it or maybe he thought that he deserved it and so endured the punishment. However, Sebastian didn't react in the slightest when, from to his left, he received a inhumanly hard kick that sent him crashing into the wall nearby. His face when he picked himself up, though, showed hard rubies alight with irritation. I hissed at him in fury, taking up my place in between him and my youngling. He was no mate of mine and that made him a predator, a threat.

 

_ 'Nest-robber _ !' My instincts screamed, ' _ Young-snatcher _ !'

 

He wasn't getting anywhere near my little ones! I aimed a vicious swipe of my claws at the older demon but he dodged, evading my every kick, curse and reach. Not once did he attempt to fight back. All he did was defend. There was something in his eyes that I could see but not identify. Perhaps if I had been a little less feral, I could have put a name to it. All I could identify was that, whatever the nameless emotion was it was terribly...human of him.

 

“We don't have time for this!” Ciel shouted, picking himself shakily up off of the floor, “Harry, stop!”

 

It was as if it was I who held the contract with the little lord instead of the butler. The moment he issued his command, my feet did, in fact stop. My youngling's voice was wavering and in pain. The infant within me was kicking out feebly at the familiar presence of his father. My sons...Slowly, I came back to humanity with a gasp, shuddering in pain as I fought over control of myself. Ciel. Caelum. They needed me to get a hold of myself. They needed me. My every instinct railed against the imprisonment. Every fiber fought against me for control. My muscles ached and spasmed and shook in punishment but eventually, I was me again. Through the suffering, I regained my human mind.

 

There was Sebastian. Standing before me as if he hadn't abandoned us days ago. It didn't take a genius to guess at where he had been. He stank of Angel taint. The noxiously sweet smell permeated his presence. He reeked of that foul creature, Ash.

 

“Where have you been?” Ciel growled dangerously, his eyes taking in the man whom he had once depended on for everything. How did the young lord feel about Sebastian now? Was he as furious as I was? Was he as hurt? Did our family really mean so little to the man? Did I mean so little?

 

“It doesn't matter.” I broke in before Sebastian could get a word in. My voice was gravelly and came out just above a whisper, like night air blowing through an empty room, “He doesn't matter.” I turned to the man who had held me so tenderly only days ago and I recognized only a stranger. The same man who had once lay for hours whispering to the child within me, who had been so nervous and out of sorts when he feared another would claim me.

 

I leveled a healing charm at the bullet wound in my youngling's side, glad that it missed his vitals. Otherwise my paltry healing abilities would be useless. I allowed the demon to help his master off of the floor but when Sebastian stood once more, our eyes met and I let him see exactly what I thought of him in that moment.

 

“You are no mate of mine.” I whispered, low enough that only he could hear it.

 

For an instant, my sire looked stricken as if he had been slapped but he hid the expression quickly, giving me a short bow of acceptance, acknowledging that he was in the wrong. Acknowledging that he deserved my disdain.

 

“Take me to that angel of massacre!” With that last demand, we took off into the night, trying not to face the tenseness between the three of us. The breakdown of our once happy family.

 


	26. Chapter 26

 

Disclaimer: Nope. Nada. Zip. Zero. Nothing.

 

 **Chapter Twenty-Six**... **“ _When you_ _have a good heart: You help too much. You trust too much. You give too much. You love too much. And it always seems you hurt the most.”-Nishan Panwar_**

 

The so called “holy bridge” was a truly spectacular thing to behold. Terrible, yes, but spectacular. Never before would I have dreamed that human sacrifice could be used on such an alarming scale. Loathe as I was to admit it, Sebastian was right when he said that when taken too far, saintliness was far worst than evil. Horrible acts done in the name of good. Murder of some justified by the supposed benefit of the many. At least we demons were up front about things. Or at least, I thought we were.

 

I worked very hard at not looking at my once-companion. To see him right now made me feel both ill and enraged, heartbroken and terrified, in equal parts. My emotions and instincts were a storm raging within me, cutting my insides to ribbons with every breath. Surely at any moment, I was going to start vomiting glass shards, sand and nails. Getting to the top of the bridge would have been next to impossible for me if I had taken the ladder like the butler and Ciel. I was far too round by this point to even contemplate such an exercise, so I was forced to take the less human form of travel. The shadows were cool and soothing on my clammy, wane skin as I exited their still embrace. Sebastian and the Earl were just cresting the top of the structure when I emerged and not twenty feet away, there stood our enemy.

 

Ash, if that was even his real name. Just as Sebastian was a false name. Which was I? Samael or Harry? Was I more one than the other at this point? Was it possible that one name was more “real” for me than the other? There was no patience in me for philosophizing at the moment. Not when the one responsible for my little one's suffering stood so near. My hands ached to wrap themselves around that pale throat and tear the offending thing out. If I was lucky, we would get to see just how far my preternatural strength could throw his head once I ripped it off. I watched with the caution of a lioness who's young is far too close to danger when Sebastian eased Ciel down onto a stack of metal plates. I wasn't sure who posed the biggest threat: the demon or the angel. They both certainly had the ability to wreck our lives beyond repair, just in different ways.

 

“This seat is a bit uncomfortable but I believe it has the best view in the house.” Michaelis said calmly before he turned to me, crimson eyes piercing as if he could communicate what lay unsaid between us with just a glance. If it were a week ago, he could have, but now...Now our bond was cold and dead, nothing more than a memory, “I ask that you remember my request, Harry. The one I made to you back at the manor.”

 

Request? A memory struck me then in the midst of my ever present struggle for humanity. A memory from what felt like a thousand years ago.

 

_'I only ask that you take cover if things get too dangerous...'_

 

Like bloody hell. The sneer folded over my face like fresh linens on the bed we once shared. Crimson eyes did not flinch in the face of my disdain but the fact they they did not change at all was more telling than anything. After all, no one put on a poker face like a millenia old demon.

 

“Requests are the territory of mates, I'm afraid.” I bit out, voice edging on parsletongue in my rage.

 

All he could do was incline his head to me. No sense in mother and father fighting in front of the evil Angel now, was there? Sebastian turned back to his master calmly, stoicism written in every plane of his pale face.

 

“Your orders, my lord?”

 

Ciel tugged his eye patch free for the second time tonight, his eyes filled with thirst for the revenge soon to follow. His exposed contract seal glowed with an unholy light as the order sped to his lips.

 

“Kill him...Kill the Angel!”

 

The dark figure bowed though there was none of his usual smirk in the motion.

 

“Yes, my lord.”

 

I took up a protective detail at Ciel's side and the battle that would decide the fate of all of London began. But no...London could burn forever for all it would matter. The only fate that mattered to me was the one sitting, small and full of spirit at my side. My young child, my beloved little one. My body sang with tension, following Sebastian and Ash's first strike against one another with a keen eye, watching for any danger that may drift too near my youngling's place. The fight was stunning, truly. For a moment, I was so caught up in watching the two creatures dance about one another that I forgot to be angry. Only for a moment, though. They were an exercise in opposites. Dark to light, Demon to Angel, sword against cutlery. It was like two males peacocking for territory, except this territory involved the lives of me and my children as well as the whole city. The two looked to be on rather equal footing until...

 

A shock of cold fear coursed through my being when the unclaimed souls of the dead began to rise to Ash's call, crawling over Sebastian's feet before consuming him entirely. As angry as I felt, as hurt as I was, the sight of my once mate being overwhelmed was frightening. Was this the end? Would Ash win?

 

 _No_.

 

No, that wasn't going to happen. I was not going to let any sodding Angel hurt my babies. The Elder Wand was in my hand and a Patronus speeding towards the black mist before I really took the time to think about what I was doing. It wasn't the fact that the spell didn't work that shook me to my core. No, it was the sight of the Patronus itself that had me gaping. It had changed. Just like Snape's had changed while I was human.

 

Snape's had become a doe to mirror his love of my mother.

 

My own stag had warped and altered and instead of my father's animal fighting uselessly through the fog, it was a shining, intelligent crow.

 

I should have been amazed, maybe even angry. However, the sight of it and the realization it brought only made that crushing grief return anew. I loved Sebastian. I loved him enough that my very magic reflected it in physical form. My hand slipped around the heavy locket on my neck, my thumb tracing over the stone of the Gaunt ring wistfully. If only I had gone with Tom...If only I had done things differently. I should have never given up on my love for him. Perhaps this was my punishment. I left Tom for Sebastian and now Sebastian had left me. It almost seemed fair in a tragic sort of way. Now I was stuck with this love for him just as Tom was trapped in his love for me.

 

The moaning, dead shade began to converge on Ciel and I and my thoughts turned from my transformed magic back to the here and now.

 

“I still haven't given up on you, you know.” Ash's voice came out from the shadows, catching my attention quickly. Given up?

 

“I don't go for women who fornicate with dogs.”

 

“If you won't embrace me as a women, then I will stay in this male form and sink my shaft into you all the way to the hilt.”

 

What in Merlin's bloody name?! Blood rushed to my face in rage, my mind running back to the stink of Angel on the butler when he had returned to Ciel's side. Surely not! Ohhhh, someone was going to die tonight! I let out a hiss of fury, loud enough for both fighters to hear. The Angel's laughter rang out in the night.

 

“Oh, my, Sebastian. It seems that your Demon Witchling has taken offense to our _alliance._ No matter. Once he and your spawn are shuffled off of this coil, there will be no one to object at all. How lovely.”

 

No response was forthcoming but I could actually feel the temperature begin to drop as the demon began to loosen his grip on that cool, Hell-bound power of his. It didn't come fast enough. The sky lit up with the shining light that emanated from Ash's sword. A twisted smirk warped the creature's countenance and he struck. Terror once more sickened me, overtaking my every molecule as Sebastian's arm flew through the air, falling severed at the heels of his attacker. It was only Ciel's desperate, fearful hand on my forearm that kept me from jumping into the fray. No, no, no! He was hurt! He could _die!_ Was I about to witness the father of my child murdered before my eyes? Sure, Sebastian and I were separated. Sure, he had left me, pregnant and undefended, but I didn't want to see him killed!

 

“Sebastian!” To this day, I wasn't sure which of us it was that cried out for him: Ciel or myself. Perhaps we both did. I couldn't say. All I knew was that the moment that my sire's eyes turned back, they met my own and I felt it.

 

Inside of me, as our child began to light up my awareness with little sparks of consciousness, there was a shifting. A tickle at the opposite end of my mind where our bond had once been. I could see in his eyes the regret that permeated his thoughts. Regret that he had left us, that he hadn't talked to me about whatever it was that had pushed him to abandon us. He was a butler repentant and he did the only thing he could do to tell me in that moment. His rust colored eyes looked at me and in their depths they said what words could not.

 

_I'm sorry. I love you._

 

We had never really let ourselves utter those words out loud. Not once since our mating. Certainly, we had showed it in other ways. We had shown one another through our actions. Through a million and one soft touches and lingering, warm glances. But never had the words graced my lips and the fact made me feel bereft. As if I had missed out on something wondrous with him. Would I get the chance to say it later? Would I want to? Would there even be a later for us? Without warning the blackness creeping in on us began to burst into little bright lights, dissipating quickly one by one. It left the battle once more open to our sight and the state of the fighters within.

 

Sebastian stood gripping the gaping wound where his arm was once attached and Ash posed, unharmed and unimpeded. The wanker. Unfortunately, the Queen's butler seemed to realize that the tide of the battle had abruptly and irrevocably turned against his favor. The smell of ozone radiated out of his suddenly shuddering form. Every instinct I had within me, human and demon alike, began shrieking out alarm bells, my hackles rising inside of me without warning. I had never faced an Angel before but my instincts knew danger when they sensed it. It was the combined experience of every demon who had gone before me, a warning encoded in our very essence. That warning screamed out ' _DANGER_ '.

 

“Useless...Useless...Useless!” His two toned voice screeched in rage, face twisted into a mockery of the serene loveliness it had once beheld. Suddenly, time began to blur. Everything was moving so quickly that I couldn't keep up with the events as they were occurring.

 

Ash shot into the air with the speed of a bullet.

 

Sebastian was racing towards us. Running, running, running.

 

Razor sharp, grace tipped feathers flew through the air like lightning bolts reflected in a thousand rain drops.

 

Ciel was scooped up from my side and I turned to protect my front just as the butler did to protect his Master.

 

There was pressure where the white shrapnel hit my back, a tearing, but as quickly as they came, they stopped falling. Everything was okay. Ciel lay beneath Sebastian, safe and sound. We were okay. At least...until I looked at the man I loved and realized that his horrified eyes weren't gazing down at his master. They were staring at me. At the blood seeping through the front of my shirt over the frighteningly still, abruptly silent roundness of my belly.  


	27. Chapter 27

 

Disclaimer: Nope.

 

Chapter Twenty-Seven... ** _“_ _I want morning and noon and nightfall with you. I want your tears, your smiles, your kisses...the smell of your hair, the taste of your skin, the touch of your breath on my face. I want to see you in the final hour of my life...to lie in your arms as I take my last breath.”_ _―_[ _Lisa Kleypas_](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/27847.Lisa_Kleypas) _,_ _Again the Magic_**

 

The Angel's feather, reflecting the dim starlight, gleamed black with blood. It had shot straight through me and already, the pain was crippling. The creature's grace stung and infected like a poison. Sebastian had avoided the worst of it. He was ancient; his body could fight off the grace but me...I was only just out of my infancy in terms of demon years. I didn't have the strength of ages to support me. And my baby...

 

 _'Please, no. Please, please, no.'_ I begged anyone who would listen. _'Not my baby.'_

 

But the damage was done and Ash had struck true. He had sought to do as much harm to Sebastian as possible, to strike him where it would hurt the most and he had succeeded. Agony shot through my being, pain and grief lodging in my gut, bubbling up into my throat. It became one mass of hurt all at once. The growing connection between my son and I had been suddenly choked off. Where little sparks had once emanated now lay cold and empty. My child...

 

_Ciel._

 

Merlin, Ciel. I covered the wound from sight quickly, trying to drive back my own anguish for just a little longer. That little boy was all I had left in the world now. I had to protect him and he didn't need to see the evidence of what had happened. It would only distract and distress him. I could fall apart once that bastard Angel was torn apart and my youngling was safe.

 

Sebastian caught my eye and I knew that he knew. Our child was gone. Our baby was dead and he had never even known that we had made a son together. Yes, our child was gone but Ciel was still alive. He was still here and he needed us. The demon gave me a nod of understanding before turning back to his master.

 

“Young master, I'd like to ask a favor. Please close your eyes.” His voice came soft and almost smooth. But beneath the calm there, almost imperceptibly, was the quivering of a fury I had never heard from him before. Certainly, Sebastian had been angry but never like this. Never like this... “I am a butler. I cannot damage my master's impression of me by looking unsightly. Please don't open your eyes until I say to.”

 

Unsightly? Did he mean-? Ciel's eyes widened but he gave his assent and shut those soulful sapphire orbs that I adored. His butler gave the tiniest of smiles before listing himself up. My abdomen and back chose that moment to give out searing pain that forced a hiss from between my teeth. Sebastian's crimson eyes looked down at my hunched over form in sadness. Nothing could be said right now. Not with the enemy closing in. Not with Ciel sitting prone and unaware. Later. If we had a later. The sound seemed to alarm the young Earl, however silent his protector was on the matter.

 

“Harry?”

 

I choked down the bile and screams coating the back of my tongue. Speaking in a normal tone was a fight I nearly lost to the pain coursing through my torn and battered body.

 

“I'm alright. Keep your eyes closed, little one.”

 

Sebastian turned to our enemy at last, his eyes bleeding into slitted crimson. The temperature completed its decent until the air was outright chilly with his hate. Seeing him that way, feeling his rage, I knew. I could relax and know that our child would be avenged if it was the last thing he did. It was a good thing too because already, my strength was waning. Blood loss was making my grip on the Elder Wand shaky and unsteady. My insides were pouring out and all I could do was try to stem the flow by holding it in. It wasn't working. The damage was too great. Something important had been severed in the inside.

 

“Now I can show you my true self.” Sebastian purred. I could imagine that the taste of vengeance must be bittersweet on his tongue. I knew that it would be on mine. Tar colored feathers began to fall from the butler's form, slowly shedding to reveal the truth of him, “It's unsightly, disgusting, repulsive...or at least I thought it was once. Until my mate came and showed me that there can be wonder in this filthy form as well. That something marvelous came come from this body...but you've hurt what is mine now, Angel.”

 

Black nails curved into claws. Teeth sharpened, canines glinting white in the darkness. Here. Here was the demon that I had fallen in love with. His honest self, the one that I had entrusted my everything to. The man I had called mate.

 

The platform, already broken and crumbling from the abuse it had suffered in Ash's assault, began to groan and tilt dangerously. I only had a moment's notice, my spilt blood moving in the opposite direction where it had fallen to the floor, before Ciel began to slide. Blue eyes kept fastened though, Merlin bless him, despite his fast approach towards death. Like hell I was going to let some fall claim him after working this hard to keep him safe. It was a parent's job to protect their little ones. Even before moving after him, I knew that this was going to hurt. A small shock of magic prowled me ahead of him as I slid down the incline. One quick Sticking Charm on my hands ensured that when I passed Ciel's speeding form and grabbed his wrist, I wouldn't lose my grip on him. Unfortunately, with my wand in my other hand, there was no time to cast the charm on my other palm. We tumbled over the edge of the bridge and it was only the demonic strength and claws that saved us from one mighty fall. The Elder Wand, trapped between the metalwork and my desperation to save my little one, shattered into pieces, a few embedding themselves painfully in my hand. Those were going to leave a mark even on my demonic flesh.  
  
To the Earl's credit, he didn't scream. With the great beyond between him and the earth, he trusted that I would protect him. I, however, cried out, almost a shriek at the agony suddenly pervading my senses. I would have vomited with it if there has been anything there to sick up at all. The jolt, the abrupt pull and the pressure of saving us both had torn my wound wide open. What had before only been a through and through hole was now a wide rip, my skin tearing and splitting. Blood flowed free and heavy. There was no way to keep the injury from the little lord's notice now. Not when the proof would be dripping down onto his face in mere moments. A fresh wave of new terror boiled up within me and I prayed. Merlin, I prayed.  
  
'Please. Please don't let my baby fall out of me. Please don't let Ciel have to witness that. Or Sebastian either. Especially not him...'  
  
There was no mistaking how deep the wound went, not when the evidence of it lay still and unmoving in my bulging belly. For the first time, I began to question whether I would survive this night or not. Dizziness washed upon me like waves on a shore. Blackness danced in spots around the corners of my vision.  
  
"Harry. Can you stay there long enough for me to count down from ten?" Sebastian questioned from his place above, voice dark and heavy with the promise of a kill to come.  
  
I wanted to tell him no. No, I couldn't wait. That my life was slipping away more and more every second but... I was the only thing keeping Ciel from certain death. A fall from this height would spell the end of him for sure. Moment by moment, I faded. Even as my mind began to darken there was a startling moment of clarity. This was what Undertaker had meant.  
  
'One soul in particular... You will die.'  
  
The message hadn't been for the Phantomhive. It had been for me. I was going to die tonight. Somehow, the thought didn't disturb me as much as it would have a few weeks ago. My child was gone, I had no mate anymore. Ciel... He was protected. I had made sure of that through my contracts with Sebastian. He would be cared for once I was no more. If saving his life meant the end of my own, well...I would consider it a life well doesn't. So, I lied.  
  
"Yes!" I shouted with all of the gusto I had to offer. Even to me it sounded pathetic and weak. He must have accepted my word at face value though because his power flared and swelled up around our enemy.  
  
"Alright, here we go. Ten." The slaughter began in earnest. Ash had no idea the sleeping dragon that he had awoken. Malphas wasn't just any demon. He was a Great President, a Prince of Hell, with forty legions at his beck and call. He reveled in destroying the enemy's thoughts, betraying their desires, "Nine."  
  
I began to lose time. Between Ash's screams of 'unnecessary', 'unfruitful' and the slow countdown, I found myself fading in and out. Ciel gasped, twitching in my hold as blood dripped down onto his face. When I summoned the strength to look down at him, he was staring at my broken body in horror.  
  
“Harry, you're bleeding! You're dying, you fool! Just let me go! The baby-!” He cried, baby blue eyes reflecting out the fear in his soul. A soul I wasn't regretting, even now, having saved.

 

“It's too late for us now!” My voice shook with the truth of it. It was too late, “But I can still save you...I won't...let you go, Ciel. I won't let you die...” Dizziness overcame me once more and my consciousness wavered.  
  
My hand slipped on my handhold just slightly, driving the wand shards deeper into my skin and I startled back to awareness briefly. Blood had made my grip slick and the sad remains of the Elder Wand only made the flow heavier. No. No! I couldn't let go. Not like I had with Tom or Sebastian or even my human life. I had to hold on or it meant my youngling's death. I summoned all of the magic that I had left available to me, pushing it into my hands as if everything depended on it. The broken wand sparked with the influx but the feeling of the nonverbal Sticking Charm took hold. It brought such relief that all of the energy that I had been so desperately clawing for drained away in an instant. I was so tired... So very tired. Would I see my baby on the other side? The thought brought a tiny smile to my face. Yes. Yes, that sounded lovely. Offhandedly, I heard Sebastian's countdown hit zero and before my vision blackened, I saw him walking up to where we hung off of the platform.  
  
He was the last thing I saw before my senses failed.  
  
He was the last thing that I saw before I died.

 

 


	28. Chapter 28

 

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

 

Chapter Twenty-Eight... ** _“The most important thing is this: to sacrifice what you are now for what you can become tomorrow.”―_ _Shannon L. Alder_**

 

By the time that he approached his mate and master, Sebastian knew that Harry was gone. He was still gripping onto the platform, still protecting the child he had taken in with everything he had. Even in death, the once-wizard was beautiful. The most beautiful thing he had ever seen, ever would see. Bloodloss had robbed Harry of any color and left his skin pasty and pale. He looked as if he had gone through hell in the last few days. The butler acknowledged the fault for that lay entirely on his shoulders.

 

He had been foolish. He had been too focused on himself and his own feelings and this was the price of that avarice. This was the consequence of his pride, his sin.

 

The Sticking Charms failed when he pulled Harry's body and the little lord back onto solid ground. For a long time, Sebastian acknowledged nothing, said nothing. He could only stare down at the corpse of the wondrous, adoring creature that he had loved. Still loved. A black nailed hand touched the torn and blood soaked stomach as if in hope that he would feel some movement there, even the tiniest kick to somehow make the situation easier. There was nothing. None of the flutterings that he had spoken in loving whispers to only a week ago while his mate had watched, emerald eyes shining. Now those eyes were forever closed, eternally shut off from him.

 

_He should have never left._

 

_This was all his fault._

 

Harry should have never been alone. He should have never come to the fight. Ciel and the demon should have come to the bridge on their own. So many 'should have's resounded within his brain that it was impossible to separate himself from them. Sebastian was shocked to see that his hand wasn't shaking as it moved to cup the lifeless cheek. It seemed as though it should have been. Perhaps this was what shock felt like. He felt detached from everything, isolated, as if none of it was real. That it was all just a terrible, horrifying dream that he would wake from soon. He would turn over in bed to find Harry at his side, as it should be. He would hum a good morning to their child against the firm roundness of his belly and they would make love before waking Ciel for the day. Now they would be going back to the manor lonely.

 

“Sebastian...?” Ciel's voice was shaking, shivering with cold and horror in the night air.

 

The butler wasn't sure why it surprised him to see the boy's face wet with tears but somehow, the sight cut him deeply. This child, this arrogant, broken little human...Harry had loved him so much that he had given up his life for him. He had known when he had dove in to save Ciel that the chances of him not making it to see the boy walk away were high. His mate had seen to the boy's life after his own was over. Harry had not only made sure that Ciel would live on but that the butler would be around to continue protecting the Earl. Now the boy's revenge was achieved. Now Ash was dead...but so was Harry. So was their baby. Sebastian wanted to blame his young lord. He wanted to lay it all on the child's shoulders.

 

If Harry hadn't saved him.

 

If he hadn't demanded to come to Paris to see to Ciel's safety himself.

 

If he hadn't loved about the brat so much.

 

But he couldn't. Harry was an adult, his little master wasn't. The demon couldn't put the responsibility on the boy's shoulder's when even he couldn't get Harry to relent once he was stuck on an idea. All he could do now was see to his mate's wishes. He would care for the Phantomhive, turn him and see to his needs just as the wizard wanted. It was the least he could do. After all, Harry's blood was on his hands. Sebastian sighed, the grief weighing him down in ways that nothing in centuries had managed to.

 

“Come, young master.”

 

Sebastian picked up the body of his mate and they slipped away into the night.

.

.

~ _ “ _ ** _I DON'T CARE!" Harry yelled at them, snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. "I'VE HAD ENOUGH, I'VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!"_ _  
_ _"You do care," said Dumbledore. He had not flinched or made a single move to stop Harry demolishing his office. His expression was calm, almost detached. "You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.”_ _―_ [ _J.K. Rowling_ ](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1077326.J_K_Rowling) _,_ [ _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix_ ](http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/2809203) **

**.**

.

_He had been playing on this jungle gym for to hours now if the time on his tiny, cracked watch was anything to go by. His bent green army men marched a stringent vigil across the highest post of the make-believe castle, watching for the coming enemy, i.e. anything looking even remotely Dursley-ish. They were across the street, his relatives, at some sort of posh wedding celebration. He hadn't been allowed to attend, much to the jealousy of his fat cousin who had spent the entire morning having his considerable girth squeezed into what Uncle Vernon called a 'monkey suit'. Harry didn't think they looked like monkey suits at all, really. They looked more like penguins to him but, at the age of seven, his Aunt was a firm believer in his supposed stupidity, so who was he to say? One of his army men took a tumble off of the side of the jungle gym and Harry let out a soft gasp of alarm, watching the toy fall to its imagined pretend doom. At least until a white gloved hand caught the tiny figure, practically plucking the thing from the air._

 

“ _Ahh, it seems you've lost a foot soldier, little one.” Came a low, cultured voice from below._

 

_The child peeked over the edge inconspicuously and was vaguely surprised but what he saw there. A man stood at the bottom of the play structure, leaning against one of the brightly colored support posts there and looking at his escaped toy with amusement. He was a dark man with rusty colored eyes and black hair that Uncle Vernon would have called 'poncy and undignified', the sort of hair he said that 'benders' always wore, whatever that meant. The stranger wore a well fitting suit that put the tuxedos that his Uncle and cousin were wearing to shame._

 

“ _I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to drop him on you.”_

 

_ Th man handed the toy up to him with a polite smile, his fingers lingering on Harry's own when the boy accepted the figurine gratefully.  _

 

“ _I am here to save the day, it would seem. Are you here all alone, child?” Harry pulled himself to the edge of the raised walkway, swinging his legs over the side so he could get a better view of the interesting stranger that had deigned to talk to him, the freak, of all people._

 

“ _No, sir. My relatives are at the wedding across the street. Are you from there too?”_

 

“ _Ah, no. Not today.”_

 

_Harry hummed in thought, his emerald eyes gazing soulfully down at the man in thought. There was something strange about him that the seven year old simply couldn't put his finger on. Something contrary. If he were to put this man beside his relatives, he knew that he would be able to distinguish no telling difference between them besides their outward appearance but there was just this strangeness to the gentleman that he could pinpoint._

 

“ _Are you a businessman then? My Uncle wears suits to do business even though he hates them. Do you do business too?” After all, businesses and weddings were the only thing that his childlike mind could comprehend ever needing such fancy clothing for. He had no comprehension of anything more than the grumblings of his Uncle and Aunt at his age._

 

“ _I do many things actually. Most recently I was a body guard. My work there has been concluded now though so currently, I suppose you could say that I am a chef of sorts. I am in the business of meal preparation.” The stranger explained, his smile turning dark and humorous at the explanation though Harry couldn't imagine why making food would be funny. He chalked it up to just one more adult oddity and moved on, his hungry stomach cringing at the thought of food and how delicious anything made by someone so classy had to be. For a moment, the boy imagined the man in the middle of a restaurant like the one his relatives had been forced to take him along to when Uncle Vernon had been celebrating his new job at Grunnings. The fantastic imagery only made him feel hungrier._

 

“ _Like a full English?” He queried curiously, mouth watery at the thought of grilled tomatoes and potatoes. They were his favorite part of the whole dish spread. The odd chef only gave a strange smirk at his question. Maybe he really liked English food?_

 

“ _You could say that. I'm working on the perfect meal right now, actually. A meal so good and so delicious that once it is prepared, I won't even want to eat it. Because surely nothing will ever be so delectable again. What do you think about that, little one?”_

 

_Harry hummed, tilting his head to the side curiously. He took a moment to actually ponder over the words. They were peculiar. The adults he was around daily never spoke that way. The sound of his relatives approaching broke him out of his reverie abruptly._

 

“ _I guess, good luck with that, then, sir.” He replied simply, collecting up his few sparse toys quickly._

 

_His reply was a short chuckle and for a moment, Harry could have sworn that the man's rusty eyes glowed red in the light. No impossible, he thought to himself. Eyes didn't do that._

 

“ _Indeed. Well, I will take me leave of you now, I think. Goodbye, Harry.”_

.

.

~ ** _“_ _The worst type of crying wasn't the kind everyone could see--the wailing on street corners, the tearing at clothes. No, the worst kind happened when your soul wept and no matter what you did, there was no way to comfort it. A section withered and became a scar on the part of your soul that survived. For people like me and Echo, our souls contained more scar tissue than life.”_ _―_ [ _Katie McGarry_ ](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4575371.Katie_McGarry) _,_ [ _Pushing the Limits_ ](http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/15093690) **

.

.

The small boat slid through the water like blade through butter: smooth and seamless. Silently. Harry had been laid out in the vessel, hands folded over his pregnant belly and the child within that he had so adored. Looking at the peacefully resting face, it was easy to imagine that he was just sleeping. That any moment now Harry would wake up and grin and it would all be over. But Ciel knew that there would be no waking up from this.

 

Neither of them had spoken since the journey began. The young Earl didn't even know where they were but he was loathe to break his demonic butler from his silent grief. He had never seen Sebastian so...torn up. Then again, they both were. Ciel just didn't understand. Any of it!

 

“Why...Why did he do this?” The Earl whispered, almost to himself. Everyone who ever cared about him died. He was like some sort of death omen, “If he had just saved himself, he would still be...” He couldn't even bring himself to say it. It was too horrible to think about, that Harry would never be coming back. He would never take meals with them again and now that his contract was over...Well, he wouldn't be sad to lose his soul now. Anything was better than going back to the manor to have to stare at the empty, unused nursery that Harry ha put so much effort and love into. It would never be used now. Going back to see all of his things there was just more than the boy could bear.

 

“Because he loved you, young master. Loved you as his own son.” Sebastian's words trailed off, bitter to the taste. Harry  _ had _ loved Ciel as his son. And because of that love, their child and his mate were dead. 

 

“Where are we going?”

 

“It is our way to lay our kind to rest on the Island of Death. The place is a sanctuary for demons, a space between our realm and yours.” In the water below, scenes began to play. Memories of Harry's life both as a wizard and a demon.

 

_Lying with Sebastian in bed, thinking of ridiculous baby names to amuse themselves as both rubbed soothing circles on his sloping belly._

 

_The first glimpse of a mighty, mystical castle as he crested over a lake in a boat that moved all on its own._

 

_Watching Ciel as he slept, committing to memory every cherished breath._

 

_The look of resignation and tragic adoration in crimson eyes before a flash of green light stole the life from them and the Dark Lord that he had loved crumbled to the ground at his feet. Horror and regret filling him up like a cup._

 

_The taste of his first soul on his tongue beneath the watchful gaze of his hated sire._

 

_A large meaty hand shoving him into a tiny cupboard when he was only a tender four years old. Shouts of hate screaming at him through a small grate on the door._

 

“His Cinematic Record? And these small dark ones?” Ciel asked, gesturing to a few blacked out visions in the water interspersed with Harry's own vivid memories.

 

They were few and far between but the dark scenes emitted emotion and sound; the familiar sound of Sebastian and Harry's voices. Sometimes it was one, sometimes both, but more often than not the voices were filled with warmth.

 

Ciel could hear the creaking cry of the wood as the demon's hands practically spasmed on the oar with his sorrow.

 

“Those are the baby's Cimematic Record.”

 

The little lord's throat closed up with the sudden and unavoidable urge to cry. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that so many terrible people crawled like maggots over the surface of the earth, caused so much hurt and heartache, but Harry...Harry wouldn't have the happy ending that he deserved so much. All he had ever done was care about people. Love had gotten him into this mess. It had damned him twice now: once when he offered up his very soul to save Tom and now, when he died to save him.

 

_Oh, God. Tom._

 

Eventually the man would be back to see Harry and the baby and there would be no one. No one to tell him what had happened. Ciel would be dead, long digested away inside of Sebastian. The demon himself would be off living elsewhere by then and the wizard-turned-demon would have no one left to tell the man he had so devoted himself to what had become of him. It was sad. Tom had just found Harry again. He had spent thirty years searching, believing that his love was still out there somewhere, and when he returned, he would find only an empty ruin of a house, his beloved dead. Somehow, it was the knowledge that Tom would never know that bothered him the most. Ciel knew all too well what that felt like. The not knowing was by far worst than having the knowledge but being unable to change it. He liked the Dark Lord. It didn't feel right that he would always be stuck wondering. His eyes found the locket and ring around the deceased demon's neck and all he could do was mourn.

 

The bottom of the boat scraped along the shore like a nail on sandpaper. Up ahead was a barren waste of an island filled with rocky crags, mountains and a deep, despairing mist. It was as good as any place to meet the end of his life, he supposed, just as the man who had cared for him was interred here as well. At least in death, they could be close together. Sebastian picked up the cool, pale beauty and was making their way to a nearby stone seat when the unthinkable happened.

 

A figure stepped forth from the mist, the shadows of several others at his back. Black robes trailed the ground with a soft sigh of fabric and strands of white hair were snatched up by the wind in some eerie waltz. Undertaker's grin was wider than should be humanly possible, yet the strange Reaper managed it nonetheless.

 

“Hello, little Earl.”

 


	29. Chapter 29

A/n: Last chapter and boy is it a massive one! I hope all of you have enjoyed this series so far and just to forwarn you, there WILL be a sequel going into the details and events of season two, however, it will be based on an alternate ending for this story which will be posted with the sequel. Enjoy!

 

Disclaimer: Nada.

 

Chapter Twenty-Nine... **_“_ _The only perfect love to be found on earth is not sexual love, which is riddled with hostility and insecurity, but the wordless commitment of families, which takes as its model mother-love. This is not to say that fathers have no place, for father-love, with its driving for self-improvement and discipline, is also essential to survival, but that uncorrected father-love, father-love as it were practiced by both parents, is a way to annihilation.”-_[ _Germaine Greer_](http://www.searchquotes.com/quotes/author/Germaine_Greer/)**

 

“Undertaker? What in blazes are you doing here?” Ciel's words were a deception. They held no heat as one might imagine but instead were soulless and heartless. The grief was too near, too overwhelming. He could not even muster the emotion to truly feel alarmed at the Reaper's presence.

 

It didn't take a genius to figure out why Undertaker was here. Harry was dead. The baby was dead. Even demons had Cinematic Records that needed collecting. But then why had so many Reapers come for only two souls? There was William T. Spears at his back as well as that dreadful Sutcliff character with a rather absurd pout on “her” face. The enigmatic Ronald Knox and the partners Eric Slingby and Alan Humphries. An aged, elderly Reaper by the name of Lawrence Anderson brought up the rear of the party. Did they fear that Sebastian would resist them taking his mate's soul? Would he? They were flying entirely off of the beaten path now and the Earl couldn't even venture a guess as to what to expect next.

 

Undertaker and Will approached, the latter giving a disappointed tsk'ing sound.

 

“His body is in terrible condition. No thanks to that Angel, no doubt.” The suited soul collector turned to the silent, brooding demon with a sneer, “Come to finally enjoy your meal, demon?”

 

Ciel wasn't sure that Sebastian would even answer. He almost seemed as if he hadn't heard the question. His crimson eyes were focused on the blood-soaked body that he had laid out on the stone bench. Harry, as always, was the only thing that he could see. His entire world was laid out cold on that slab.

 

“No. I've come to bury my mate, Mr. Spears. What business is that of the Dispatch Management Division?”

 

More like, what business was that of _his_. Ciel's mind reeled. He wasn't going to devour him? But Ash was dead! Did that mean that there was another out there that was involved in his parent's deaths? Or was it simply a lack of appetite after losing Harry? Either way, it left the boy with a heady sense of disappointment. He just wanted to get it over with. Maybe he would see Harry once he was dead. Probably not. After all, his soul was going to be devoured. There would be no afterlife for him. But what sort of afterlife awaited a demon? Perhaps they would share the same nonexistence together.

 

The Reaper scoffed and dismissed the question entirely as his associate continued to look over the young demon's corpse analytically.

 

“But he isn't your mate, is he? You _abandoned_ him. You abandoned your pregnant mate, betrayed him, and so he rejected you in turn.”

 

Sebastian's jawline tensed and his eyes narrowed furiously but he gave no denial, no excuse. There was none to give. He had done exactly that, Ciel thought bitterly. If Sebastian had been there, if he hadn't left, would Harry have died in the first place? There was no point in wondering such things now. Not really. It wouldn't bring Harry back. It wouldn't give the baby back to them. It helped no one and frankly, he was just so  _tired_ . For once, the last Phantomhive had been looking forward to his demise. Losing Harry felt like losing his family all over again. Undertaker looked up at last from the body of the man that they had both loved sincerely, his expression pleased and giddy. 

 

“I've seen much worst. This can be repaired without much effort. Then of course there is the matter of the _taint_. But it will all be in proper order. He has the items with him. Harry went to his and his child's death willingly in order to save the little lord.” 

 

And didn't that just sting worst than anything? When Ciel's parents had died, at least he had known that they were murdered because of the work his family did for the Queen. With Harry, the boy knew that the person he had come to see as his closest family had given up his hold on life for him. Harry would have lived if he hadn't gone after him. What did Undertaker mean when he said that “this can be repaired”? A sick feeling shot through his spirit without warning.

 

“You are not using Harry for one of your little 'experiments'. I'll die before I let you disgrace him in such a way.” Ciel hissed furiously, his entire posture stiff and enraged at the perceived threat to his loved one.

 

He heard Sutcliff sulkily mutter, “If only”. Undertaker, however, only released a delighted cackle.

 

“Oh, no, no, no, baby Phantomhive. We won't be reaping your soul for many years yet, I'm afraid. Our dear Harry made certain of that.”

 

I wasn't going to die? For many years to come...? He said that Harry had made sure of it? What did he-? His sapphire eye caught sight of the second contract mark sitting darkly on the pale, sickly flesh of Harry's forehead. Oh...He didn't. No, it wasn't possible. The demon had been silent on what exactly was worth making another contract with Sebastian for.

 

It had been him all along.  _Ciel_ had been what was worth it. 

 

The realization brought the stinging bite of tears to his eyes. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that Harry was the one who was gone now. He deserved to live, to have a family with his baby. And Ciel...Ciel had been entwined in the Underground since birth. He had murdered and manipulated, he had lied and hated, but Harry? Harry was a good person. He didn't deserve any of this. The giggling Reaper slid a hand beneath the heavy locket, observing the clunky jewelry that Harry had refused to remove since it had been gifted to him. His hum was one of approval.

 

“No time like the present, William. His wounds should be repaired with the change.” Undertaker said with a sing song voice, “We've all come out to witness this, so lets get this show on the road, hm?” The silver-haired man lifted a wicked looking skull-crowned scythe in ecstatic preparation.

 

Sebastian at last moved to make his own thoughts known. Black nailed fingers wrapped around the scythe lizard-quick, his grip holding the weapon fast, unwilling to let it any closer to his deceased love than it already was.

 

“What are you planning? And I would caution you to not leave anything out because it very well may determine how violent this is about to get, Reaper.” His humanity was slipping in his unseen distress, the sound of crow calls echoing all about the little hollow they had taken up residence in.

 

His threat only seemed to amuse the strange man and disgust his more upright companion. Undertaker leaned forward, completely unbothered by the hold on his precious scythe and whispered to Sebastian as if telling a brilliant secret.

 

“Our master is about to awaken, butler.” He cackled uproariously, “Dear Harry is going to become a Reaper.”

 

“All Reapers began as something else. We have to meet our deaths in order to be reawakened in our Reaper states. Your 'mate',” William spat the word with some disgust as if the very concept offended him, “is not just any Reaper. He is the head of our entire society, the top boss. _The Master of Death_. So unless you would like to lose your other arm, demon, I advise you to allow us to continue. It will happen either way.”

 

Master of Death? Harry as a Reaper? The idea was absurd, ludicrous even. However... They would have Harry back if the soul collector's words could be trusted. Harry alive again, but in what state would he be? Would he be altered in any way? Would he still feel the same about them? Would his memories be intact? What about the child? These were the things that plagued Malphas's mind in the breath of a moment between when Undertaker spoke and the instant that he released the Death Scythe. The collective did not have long to wait for his word.

 

"Do it."

 

Spears took in the admission with barely a glance however... "You must know that we have never before changed one of your ilk, let alone one that began life as a human, wizard or otherwise. Harry Potter is going to be promoted to our highest level of management. He may not be the same person you knew before."

 

"You don't know what will happen?" Ciel butted in desperately, exasperation and ire written plainly on his delicate features.

 

Will moved to interject, no doubt in defense of his department's intelligence, but Sebastian cut him off abruptly.

 

"It doesn't matter. Just do it."

 

It didn't matter. Nothing mattered when stacked up against having his lover returned to him.

 

' _To us',_ he reminded himself, glancing down at his distraught master.

 

"Ohhhhh, I've been waiting years for this!" Undertaker proclaimed joyfully as if the happenings were the most exquisite treat he could have received. That was, at least, until he shoved the long blade of his Death Scythe through Harry's unmoving chest.

 

It entered through with a horrible squelching sound and continued on until the scythe made a sharp sound on the stone beneath. Ciel experienced a moment of horror, an instance of 'No, no, nothing is happening!' before the small, craggy beach erupted with light. Sebastian let out a his of pain but nonetheless, pulled his young lord beneath him for protection. Just as he had dinner on the holy bridge. Just as Harry had done for his baby. Through the encompassing, brilliant illumination, Ciel witnessed a scene that he doubted many mortals had been privileged enough to experience before. A sight that stole his best away with its implications.

 

Harry's Cinematic Record was arching grandly from where the scythe jutted out of his body. It was _rewinding._ Going in reverse, his experiences played out as the film strip wound its way back into his still chest. It was happening. Before his eyes, it was really happening. Harry was coming back to them. 

 

The tears in his bulging belly began to twitch then close, the rip disappearing as he watched on. It was astounding, truly. The light began to slowly dim and fade but Sebastian's hold on me did not waver. The grip was shaky and absolute. At least it was until a horrible rattling sound, only made worst by Ciel's realization that it was Harry's last breath undoing itself, echoed through the air. The butler who had wrapped himself around him so protectively at last began to shift. The beach was dark as night could be and everything was as it should be once more. The evening fell into stiff silence.

 

"Hello, darling." Undertaker spoke, grinning like a loon and breaking the brittle, abominable quiet that had pervaded the area.

 

"C-...Ciel." Replied the gravelly voice, wet and thick with the blood that has bubbled up during his death. A cough came to clear disused airways.

 

Ciel was out of Sebastian's suddenly slack grip as fast as his short, human legs could carry him. Sure enough, laying on the granite seat was Harry, awake, aware and beautifully alive. Emerald eyes were drowsy and groggy but he supposed that dying would do that to anyone.

 

"Harry! Harry, I'm here, I'm okay! God, I'm so sorry! In so sorry, it's all my fault! " The young Earl cried uncharacteristically and shamelessly, sobbing into a bloody chest and uncaring who saw.

 

Amazingly, where the scythe has penetrated had left no wound at all. As if the stabbing had never occurred at all. Harry chuckled, a sound that was punctuated by another cough.

 

"Hush now with that nonsense. It was my decision." The newborn Reaper turned to his smirking friend at his side, grimacing, "What have you done, Undertaker? How am I alive?"

 

"I've made you a Reaper, dear Harry! The Master of Death to be precise. Oh and my replacement as well. No sense in doing things by halves, after all!" The peculiar man chirped happily, leaning on his beloved Death Scythe. Behind him Will sputtered indignantly, face screwed up with shock

 

"Replacement?!"

 

"Yes, yes, do keep up, William."

 

The ex-demon stared at the couple blankly.

 

"You made me a Reaper? What am I saying, of course you did." He deadpanned. Harry shook his head in dismay but gave Ciel a reassuring smile. That was when he caught sight of the dark figure standing back away from the bench.

 

_Sebastian._

_._

_._

_~ **“You are the closest I will ever come to magic.”―[ Suzanne Finnamore](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/89831.Suzanne_Finnamore),[The Zygote Chronicles](http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1395790)**_

_._

_._

My mind halted like a vehicle running head first into a reinforced brick wall. There he was. The man who had started it all.

 

Sebastian _. _

 

My so-called mate. My torment. My beloved. He was watching me keenly from the side, almost as if he were unwilling to gaze on me directly. I could see what it was that he was trying to cover up with that blank mask of his, though. I knew him too well for hiding.

 

Shame. He felt ashamed. The self-loathing was practically panned on his soul and as angry and as hurt as I felt, I also felt a little sorry for him. Merlin only knew why but I loved that bastard. I did. But I needed to know why. Why did he leave us? Why did he abandon his master, his baby, me?  _ Why?  _

 

"Could we have a moment to ourselves, please?" The whispered request spilled out of my lips before I could stop them from coming.

 

Crimson eyes turned to me fully, surprise flickering through their depths. Surprise. He hadn't thought that I would want to speak to him. He expected some punishment to come, I could tell in the way he imperceptibly steeled himself as he approached where I lay. Ciel looked between the two of us, a wariness that was not wholly unwarranted coloring his one good eye. The little lord nodded at last.

 

"Very well. We won't be far."

 

He hauled Undertaker off to the side quickly and Sebastian took up his place. The proud demon knelt on the ground next to me so that we could be at eye level. My body was aching horribly and a rather uncomfortable pressure had formed a knot in my belly where I had been impaled in the battle. Silence reigned. He awaited my censorship as a condemned man approached the noose. What did one say in this sort of situation?

 

_I love you. I hate you. You lied, abandoned, and betrayed. It's not your fault. It is your fault. I still love you and you don't deserve it._

 

“You left us.” My words were almost indiscernible they were so soft. Quickly though, desperation and that same fear that had become a constant companion overtook me. The hold I had on my fragile, hard won control was slipping, “You left us, you left us, you left!” My voice rose in pitch, eyes widening as, for just a moment, I was reliving the terror I had felt in those days without him. As I realized that he would never knew that we had a son. As my life slipped away and all of those moments we would never have again danced in the back of my head. 

 

Two hands gripped my arms tightly, drawing me back to myself though they could not erase the tears that had pooled in my unnaturally emerald, yellow flecked eyes.

 

“I know. I know and I'm...so sorry. This was no one's fault but my own. I was a self-serving ass, a member of the lowest life form, scum. Lower than scum.” He gracefully ignored Will's muttering of 'He's right about that'. Sebastian's slitted crimson eyes bore into mine like the sincerity there could burn away every doubt in my heart. I wished it could. I wished that I could go back to him with no doubts but...the place where our bond once was lay cold and empty inside of me. What if we went back to how things were and this happened all over again? I was going to need more than just an apology.

“Why did you leave? I need to know why, Malphas.”

 

His gaze did not leave mine. It was as if he were inviting me to read within his mind every truth and falsity that lay within. Sebastian wanted my trust again.

 

“Please understand, Harry, when my young master went back on our contract, I was so _angry_. Angry at him for violating every aesthetic that I had as a demon. Angry at you for trapping me into a contract that stuck me with him for a very long immortal life. Trapped into turning and caring for someone who would not uphold their end of a bargain. It was infuriating, shameful. I blamed you for loving him, for making that contract to spare him, for getting me to agree to turn him. In truth, I had only myself to blame. It was a century of your hatred of me for stealing you from your home world, all over again. I was angry at you and my master, but it was ultimately my decision to agree to the contracts in the first place. I returned when he became the master I knew once more but the damage had been done. I had only myself to blame in the end and now...Now this is on my shoulders too.” His words were apologetic and strained like he were holding back the urge to touch me, to hold me as he hadn't been able to in days past. Perhaps he believed that he didn't deserve such a privilege any longer. I wasn't sure that he was incorrect but I found myself wanting to believe his words. 

 

I wanted to trust him.

 

I wanted us to be happy again, all of us.

 

I wanted to forgive him.

 

Sure, maybe it was all going too fast. Maybe I was being too easy on him. Hell, perhaps I would regret it tomorrow but for now, I simply nodded.

 

“That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard but...I suppose I can see your side of things. Make no mistake, this does not mean you are off the hook by any stretch of the imagination. You can expect to be celibate for the next few decades, and that's just me getting started.”

 

My reward was the tiniest of smiles.

 

“I think I can handle that.” He whispered fondly, leaning his forehead against my hand with the crushing weight of relief laying on his once tense shoulders.

 

The pressure in my abdomen returned full force, this time bringing with it an aching seizing of my muscles. A pained sound of alarm drew the attention of not only the bemused onlookers but my returned mate as well.

 

“Harry?” Ciel called, rejoining my side cautiously, watching my hand fly to my front.

 

I gave a dismayed grimace, eyes widening as what I was experiencing finally came crashing down on my consciousness. My hand flew to Sebastian's where it lay on my wrist still, squeezing the appendage in a thrilled sort of anxiety.

 

“Sebastian? I...I think I'm in labor.” I gasped out as another contraction gripped hold.

 

Before he could so much as gape in astonishment, Undertaker had shoved him out of the way, dragging the bemused Lawrence Anderson along with him by the back of the collar.

 

“No worries, my darling, we came prepared! I work on corpses, he makes spectacles. I think between the two of us, Pops and I can have got this covered!” The giggling Reaper laughed, prodding at my oversized belly with a long, dark nailed finger.

 

My expression must have been as alarmed as I felt because the aged man, gently removed Undertaker from his person with a sigh and bowed to me. A strand of his platinum hair escaped the confines of its carefully combed-back coif.

 

“Please have no fear, Director. I assure you that I was very experienced in these matters as a human and I am still just as capable today. Allow me to assist in bringing your little one into this world.” Came the stoic, brusk voice.

 

I gave him a nod of assent but my teeth gnawed at the flesh of my lower lip nervously. The question on my tongue was too horrible. I almost didn't want to know the answer.

 

“My baby died before I did. Will...will he be born alive?” Would I be giving birth to the body of my child? Was this my newly resurrected body's way of rejecting the dead fetus inside of me? I was far too far along for the child to be reabsorbed back into my body. The only option was to give birth, alive or...otherwise.

 

Anderson gave a miniscule, comforting smile, an expression that nearly looked foreign on his face.

 

“Please do not let yourself be alarmed.” Well, that certainly didn't held me feel any better, “Resurrection itself can be somewhat traumatic for a soul. It's why it isn't often done. To make matters worst, you've just experienced an entire species change and we are uncertain if your child will be born as a Demon, a Reaper or as something in between. All of these are compounded, to say nothing of the fact that you are several weeks away from full term, and we simply have no way of knowing if your child will survive the birthing process currently. We are only Grim Reapers, Director. Omniscience is not our department.”

 

Sebastian was tense and uncomfortably silent at my side. I couldn't blame him. We may have to watch our baby die all over again and if he made it, there was no telling what exactly the baby would be. Would we be dealing with an infant Demon, a baby Reaper or something completely new? There was only one way to find out.

 

' _Please, please, let him live. Just let my baby live. I don't care what he is, just let him live.'_ I begged for the second time in the last few hours. 

 

Another contraction seized me and I hissed, tears suddenly springing to my eyes.

 

“Grell,” I gasped, addressing the sulking Reaper for the first time. The red-head turned to me with a pout, “I need you to go back to Ciel's and my hotel room and get my baby bag.”

 

I packed just in case I went into labor and now, come hell or high water, I wanted that bag at my side. The shark-toothed expression frowned as the irritating ex-butler scoffed, shooting a sneer in my direction.

 

“What do I look like, your delivery girl? Have one of your little admirers go get the bloody thing if you want it so badly. Why should I have to do it?” He groused, folding his arms over his chest like a slighted child. Unfortunately for him, the next contraction hit and my patience was far past expended.

 

“ _Go get the damned bag NOW, Sutcliff_!” I shrieked, sweat pooling on my forehead while I shouted at the abominable creature through the pain. William delivered a swift swing of his hedge clippers to the back of the ginger head and Grell took off, mumbling to “herself” the entire way.

 

Sebastian knelt down once more at my head, running a gentle hand through my filthy hair. I was blood soaked, in labor, sweaty and fresh from death and yet he still looked down at me as if I were precious.

 

“Harry...You said 'he'. We have a son?” I couldn't help but laugh through the tears despite the floodgates pouring down my dirty, pale face, “How long have you known now?”

 

“I found out...the morning you left.” A choked sob forced its way from my chest when his eyes dulled just the slightest bit at my words. I wouldn't admit it but I was so _scared_ , terrified that this was all just a dream. That I was asleep or dead, that Sebastian wasn't really here and my child was still gone from this world. The hand in my hair ran a loving thumb over the edge of the contract mark on my forehead, tracing the edge contemplatively. 

 

“You're beautiful, you know. I want to remember you forever just like this. The most beautiful thing I've ever seen.” The demon whispered and for some reason, his eyes looked sad. It was then that I noticed something absent.

 

The contract mark did not react. It's master was touching it directly and I felt nothing. It was dead. The mark was dead and I was freed from it's effect. Was it my death or the change from Demon to Reaper that had done it? Did it matter? I was free! Free from the power of orders, free of a master! In fact, if Undertaker was to be believed, I was a master in my own right now. No one would control me again.

 

“I look terrible.”

 

“You are exquisite, Harry Potter.”

 

How strange...Sebastian never called me by my full human name. He felt almost distant, even though he sat right next to me. Perhaps I had just gotten so use to having him beneath my skin, within my mind but no...I didn't think so. He was struggling internally with something and it was beyond me what could be causing this silent distress in him.

 

“Samael.” I corrected with a wince of pain, gripping my round belly and cursing the pain of child birth, “Call me Samael, Sebastian.” His face remained stoic but it was in his crimson orbs that I could see the surprise. Did he think that I would reject everything up until now just because I wasn't a demon anymore? Clearly the man didn't know me as well as he thought he did. I gave him an admonishing smile, “You really think I'd leave you like that? Leave our family just because of one broken contract? Okay and maybe a bit of species changing? Please, _Malphas_ , it's like you hardly know me at all.” 

 

My blessed reward was a kiss that I had been pining for since the morning that I had first awoken without him.

 

The labor was long and rough though to his credit, Lawrence Anderson was a very capable physician. Six hours later, Sebastian and I got our first look at the five pound, four ounce little boy that we had made. And, dear Merlin, he was  _breathing_ . He was breathing and he was okay and we were all going to get to go home together. To use Sebastian's words, he was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen. Ciel peered over my exhausted body anxiously, reaching out a hand to brush it against five tiny toes that scrunched up in response. His sapphire colored eye was wide with awe.

 

Undertaker stood at the Earl's side, waving about the small skeleton plush toy that had been retrieved from the baby bag Grell had eventually returned with.

 

“So what did you decide to name my little godson, Harry? Hamlet? Monty? Megatron Shenanigans?” The Reaper apparently cracked himself up because his laughter was a force that could not be contained. Sebastian grimaced, clearly trying to perish the thought, much to my amusement.

 

I paid him no mind and instead stroked tender, shaking fingers over the small head of sparse, feather soft black hair. He lay sleeping in my arms, so tiny and fragile that I feared he would break right there in my hands. He weighed no more than a kitten and his heart pumped away like a little bird beneath my hand. He was a demon, just like his father, though Anderson said not to be surprised at all if he developed distinctly Reaper tendencies or abilities as he grew. After all, I was a Reaper and he had shared my body when I had undergone the change. For now though, it was inconsequential. We were okay. We were all going to be okay.

 

“Caelum.” I revealed, drawing the butler's attention back to me and his child, “His name is Caelum. It means 'heavens', just like his big brother, Ciel.”

 

The Earl in question perked up at the news, a bright grin spreading over his face.

 

“Big brother? Really?”

 

“Of course! You are just as much his family as we are. We're all a family now, Ciel. All four of us.” No matter how much making up Sebastian had to do for the next few decades or so. He wasn't getting off that easily.

 

“Em, yes, well now that the child is well and everything is taken care of on that front, there is the matter of your new status as the Master of Death, Director.” William spoke up, adjusting his spectacles in a nearly nervous fashion. His hand fluttered to his tie for the briefest of moments before he collected himself and straightened. Undertaker hummed with some amusement next to me as I passed Sebastian his son to hold for the first time. The look on the Demon's face when his child was given to him was worth everything. He looked...enlightened. As if every good thing that could have ever existed in the world was now wrapped into one precious package in his arms.

 

“Why do you call me that? Director?”

 

To the suited man's dismay it was actually Undertaker who answered, ruffling my long hair humorously.

 

“Because that's what your are, darling! You're the Master of Death, the big boss. You are now the Director of the Grim Reaper Dispatch Society. And since I'm an old dog to the game, I've decided to give up my scythe for good. Who better to give my precious one to than you? After all, you've entrusted your first born to me. Seems like a fair trade.” The man gave a long suffering sigh, stroking his beloved Death Scythe one last time before handing it over to me.

 

Well...What was I suppose to say to that? It was touching, in an odd sort of way. I beamed at my peculiar friend, accepting his gift gratefully.

 

“Thank you.” I whispered with all sincerity. Will cleared his throat, drawing our attention back to him once more. Sebastian sneered from my side only to quickly return to his fascination with our son's tiny fingers, “I think I'm entitled to a maternity leave, wouldn't you agree Mr. Spears? After all, I just gave birth. My newborn is a demon and Ciel is soon to be turned himself. They will need me until they can care for themselves. I would say...fifty years, give or take?”

 

Sebastian nodded in agreement. Undertaker cackled. William just looked horrified.

 

“But...Director-!”

 

“Now, now, William! Don't take it so hard! We haven't had a Director all this time and we've been doing just fine.” Ronald Knox exclaimed with a grin, clapping his colleague on the shoulder, “Harry seems like a stand up guy, yeah? I'm sure he won't leave you in the lurch entirely.”

 

The stoic man looked to me hopefully but I just shrugged. Whatever they wanted, as long as we could wrap this up quickly. I was exhausted. Dying, coming back from the dead, giving birth. I had had a very trying day and my partner seemed to take note of my weariness and dropping shoulders.

 

“It will give you ample time to train Harry to take on his new position, though, Mr. Spears. And he may still do paperwork at Phantomhive Manor. Fifty years is plenty of time to learn the ins and outs of the job, wouldn't you agree?”

 

William looked like the last thing he wanted to do was concede the point to Sebastian but it was a good idea. I would be able to stay home with my family until the boys could care for themselves. Even as a human, I could remember many new mothers quitting work until their children were school aged. This would be no different.

 

“Very well...”

 

Good, it was settled then. I couldn't get my children home fast enough.

.

.

~ **“** **_A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. It dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.”-Agatha Christie_ **

.

.

“Daddy! Daddy!” Caelum's little baby lisp shouted through the upstairs corridor of the manor, the sound heading straight for our bedroom.

 

Sebastian groaned, lifting himself up from where he had been “entertaining” me on his knees. Thoroughly. I heaved a sigh, shooting him an apologetic grin. I had just enough time to rearrange my bathrobe before our youngest son burst into the room, quite literally. Emerald eyes beamed and bouncing, loose black curls sprung around his face, completely unrepentant when they fell back in place as the child pushed them back with a small hand. Caelum bound into Sebastian's arms, all giggles escalating into shrieks of delight when his father spun him around playfully. Ciel approached slowly from the corridor and shot the two of us a knowing smirk as he took in my rumpled, hastily tied robe.

 

Cheeky thing. Ever since he figured out the specifics of the sexual relationship between Sebastian and I, he acted as if he knew everything about it. An eternal teenager, what  _had_ I been thinking? 

 

“Hello, my little Prince. How might I help you this fine midnight?” My mate asked Caelum, playful seriousness written on his face.

 

“Daddy, you know! You know!” The child demanded, practically jumping up and down.

 

Sebastian and I shared an amused, knowing glance.

 

“Yes, you are absolutely right. I do believe someone turns four today. But first thing is first. Breakfast and then bath time, little Prince.”

 

My son was passed over to my waiting embrace and small, baby arms wrapped lovingly about my neck. Yes, dying had been so worth it. There wasn't a single day that I had not believed so. Through terrible twos that involved the burning down of an entire wing of the manor and that one time that he had brought home a rather gruesome spirit like some sort of blood soaked, demented puppy. The day that Ciel had insisted on going out hunting on his own and had been lost for two days before we found him. The terrifying night when a rogue Reaper had attacked my family and had needed to be destroyed. All of these experiences and more had made every instance precious and undefinable. Everything I had ever had to give up was worth so little in comparison. I grinned and beckoned Ciel over, already pulling a spare soul from the sheath in my wrist. It had taken years but I had finally gotten Will to approve the taking of souls, only enough to get by, and only for my children. Sebastian was an adult and could take care of himself. No matter how much the stoic Reaper deplored the butler-turned-father, I think that Caelum was steadily growing on him. After all, who could resist such an adorable face and brilliant smile? I couldn't, that was for sure.

 

“Open up, love. Breakfast time.”

 

The excited clapping of tiny hands was my reward.

 

It was all worth it.

 

 

A/n: Finished at last! Wow, this chapter took days to write!

 


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